FOR THY FINGERS HAVE F**KED THINGS UP
He got married at the boarder, then they realized he was a smuggler. – The Washington Post knows no borders.
Niagara Falls freezes in teeth-shattering temps – My teeth are chattering at this usage. Same headline lists an ‘artic’ blast
BC gas stations insist on swimming against the tied – British Columbians should know what tide is. Toronto captioners think it’s just for laundry.
He just gorged them out. – Gorged means filled up. Gouged means emptied out.
Get a sculpsured bod. – or get the always-popular dictionary, and learn to spell sculptured.
Wither goes democracy? – Upscale usage will wither if you don’t look up whither.
Two viles of drugs were found – Well, it is pretty vile stuff, in a vial (phial), or not.
Kim Kardashian wore a bust-bearing dress – I know those puppies look like they need a hand-truck to haul them around, and the sight of the photo could confuse a male captioner, but the dress was bust-baring.
Violin boes rehaired – This guy gets a special category. He’s not a professional writer, but he advertises as a ‘Professional violin builder, seller and repairer’, who should know about bows.
Lovely, fully-detached home, near Kawanas Park – this less-than-literate real estate agent apparently is not a member of the Kiwanis service club.
Michelangelo’s Sixteenth Chapel – from Canada’s ‘Good Christian’ wunderkind, Justin Beaver Bieber
Please use tongue when choosing donuts – because the tongs are already in use.
April Ham Lincoln – I guess the name Abraham isn’t popular in elementary schools anymore. But he was joined by John Afghan Eddy, and Martin Lou, the King
Two ballards were struck by a forklift – Relax, the ex-owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs is fine. It was two bollards which were struck.
That door is closed. Se la vi. – He lives in Utah, where they don’t speak any French. C’est la vie.
This were “Dances With Wolves” was filmed – This is where paying attention in English class would have helped.
find a place to hold up in tonight – The police frown on holdups. Find a safe, warm hole, and hole up.
Hubby once through an entire angle food cake – although she did come back to correct to threw, but not the angel.
What do you get when you cross a blonde with a postal worker?
A fluesy with an Uzi.
The jokester is obviously not a floozy.
Like in a freakin’ fairy tell – I have to tell you that the word should be tale.
The judge gave him a slap on the risk – At the risk of sounding pedantic, it’s wrist.
Whats the deferents between soft point and hardball ammo? Are exploding bullets called dumb dumbs? – The difference is that only redneck gun-nuts who ask questions like this, are called dumb dumbs.