DON’T SAY ANOTHER WORD!

Use the correct one.

They’re practicing English without a licence again. Hang onto your dictionaries and thesauruses, kids.

Grammar Nazi

Pros

something about her physiognomy which helped her beat the illness – here’s a two-bit writer, trying to use an eight-dollar word. Physiognomy is a face, or outer appearance, which some pretentious Brits tried to use, and failed, and shortened to ‘fizz.’  He wanted physiology, or inner construction.

In an article about expensive typos – Officials site a missing hyphen in the code – Even GrammarCheck insists that it is cite.

Same article – Enjoy these spelling mistakes from passed and present – What’s passed is past.

This section totes up a variety – to be totes honest, it tots (tawts) up a variety of errors, even though that word means totals, or adds.

It’s a tough road to hoe – and a row of angry gardeners with hoes, don’t know whether to blame a city works crew, a drugged-out old rocker, or the entertainment columnist who interviewed him.

She gave her heighth in centimetres. – You can give length and width, or even have an eighth, but it’s height,

He was the hooten and holleren champion – No, that was me hootin’ and hollerin’, because you can’t handle apostrophed abbreviations.

the kids’ “hot water challenge” has them dumping scolding water – and I’m scolding them for not using ‘scalding.’

Man wins the open sheath throw contest at the Highland games – Most Highland Game events were originally Army contests.  While still showcasing Scottish brute strength, this one though, began as a county fair display.  Originally using an agricultural implement to throw large bundles of harvested grain up onto a wagon, it is a sheaf throw contest, open to all contestants.  A pitchfork is used, rather than any edged tools/weapons, so there is no sheath, open or otherwise.

all those fellow suffers of the writing bug – How many sufferers of her second 80,000 word novel will there be?

The Norsemen made 4 journeys around 1000 BC – not an incorrect usage, as such, just a newspaper writer who made a 2000-year mistake by not knowing BC from AD.

Link bellow for descriptive video – This one, obviously, should be below.

Smoke had begun to bellow from the bow of the ship – No smart-ass comment – just billow.

The stunted trees are not like the soaring furs of the Cascades – These soaring furs better be worn by RuPaul, ‘cause the Cascades evergreens are firs.

I know that proofreaders are as extinct as dinosaurs, and spell/grammar-checkers won’t catch most of the incorrect homonyms, but, the above two examples are from two successful, well-known authors. I am dazed as to why/how they could use these incorrect terms, without noticing.  Data-entry transcribers are about as aware as earthworms, but didn’t an editor (whose job it is to notice these things) notice these things?

Amateurs

I saw the term being banded about – I know that bandied isn’t common, but ‘banded’ makes no sense.

I am defenetly sure – that you’re definitely wrong.

The best story teller is defiantly Jesus Christ. – Jesus Christ!  I’m definitely sure you’re related to defenetly.

Sue me yah shitty resuraunt
you’re food I don’t want –
Shut up, yah shitty language user
you’re just an English abuser.

but I won’t you to get used to it kinda not being there – And I want you to stop writing in hillbilly.

I just did a poppa wheelie with my bicycle – and yo’ momma wants you to pop a wheelie.

I opened the book to an unformiliar question. – Open a dictionary to ‘unfamiliar,’ which comes from the word, ‘family.’

other ways the homo Sidle maniac could think up – That homo, Sidle, became homicidal because of usage like this.

The government should release how stupid this is. – Why??  You don’t realize how stupid release sounds.

I don’t mean this as a depreciation – you should mean it as a deprecation, once you take the ’I’ out of it

the juggle is nature’s most biodiverse area – too diverse to juggle a SpellCheck, it’s a jungle out there.

The gold band was diamond-stubbed – and your attendance record at your English course was studded with absences.

everyone was present an (sic) accounted for – sic, sick, sick

Grainy was my favorite character on Beverly Hillbillies – That one explains itself.

I can understand why to some extinct. – I understand why dictionaries are extinct, to some extent.

Do things like these grate on your nerves??  Tell me about it!   😈

 

Advertisements

2017 A To Z Challenge – I

Challenge2017

When I was young, I had all the patience in the world, because I had all the time in the world, to have patience. Drip – drip – drip – drip!  As I grow older, and have less time – and less time to waste – the countless idiot things that countless idiots do, has eroded away much of my goodwill and patience.  For the letter

Letter I

I’m going to put on my super-powered Iron Man Grumpy Old Dude suit, and tell you what blows the breeze up my kilt, and causes me

IMPATIENCE

Back in April, I was merrily gamboling and frolicking through the sunlit meadows of the Blogosphere. With carefree abandon, I gathered bright, pretty flowers and thought-provoking word-prompts for the A to Z Challenge.  While I was trying to do this, WordPress had a construction crew in, tearing down and rebuilding their site.

It was bad enough that my computer needed a good cleaning – both physically, and electronically. When I finally took it in, the techs knitted two kittens from all the hair and dust in the tower.  They flushed out cookies, and Trojans, and malware, and bots – and defragged the hard drive.  Works faster – Right??!

Everywhere except WordPress! There, it could take a minute – or two minutes – or three….once it took almost five minutes just to shift from one page to another.  All the while with that irritating little ‘wheel’ spinning uselessly in front of my nose, like a couple of my teenage girlfriends – promising something, but never delivering.

Eventually, I’d get impatient, and left-click, just to see if I could prod something into happening. WordPress is not responding because of a long-running script and a button that said, Click to stop script.  I only made that mistake once.  It stopped the script, all right….and the connection to WordPress – and my Word program – and my Internet Outlook browser – and my PC!  No ‘Blue Screen of Death,’ just a black screen of Duh -Where Did Everybody Go?

(Push the ‘On’ button. Your last session ended unexpectedly. No Shit! Did you wish to recover the session? The sooner, the gooder!)

So, I’d wait – and wait….and wait. Eventually, I’d get impatient, and left-click again.  This time the notice read WordPress is not responding. Click to recover page.  😯  Nice of you to warn me.  Looking over my shoulder, the Grim Reaper said, “I’d click that, if I were you.”  So, I’d wait – and wait….and wait.  Drip – drip – drip – drip.

Eventually, WordPress got the walls painted and the new drapes hung in the Stats page. Things run a bit quicker and smoother there, now.  I can reserve my impatience for the idiots on the roads, and in the supermarkets, and on-line.  (Not you lovely people though.  You have great intelligence and show exquisite taste.  You’re here, aren’t you?)  😎

 

April A To Z – H

April Challenge

The H word for this post is Humor.  I’m gonna take a shortcut, and you guys look like you could use some laughs. Here is some (alleged) comedy – spelled with an

Letter H

When you are dead, you don’t know that you are dead.
It is only difficult for others.
It’s the same when you’re stupid.

***

The stunning blonde coed was stunned herself
when the biology professor asked her, “What
part of the human anatomy enlarges to about
ten times its normal size during periods of
emotion or excitement?”

“I… I refuse to answer that question.” the
girl stammered as she shyly avoided looking
at her classmates

Another student sitting nearby was called upon next,
and he correctly answered, “The pupil of the eye.”

“Miss Rogers,” said the professor, “your refusal
to answer my question makes three things evident.
First, you didn’t study last night’s assignment.
Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, I’m
afraid marriage is going to be a tremendous
disappointment for you!”

***

I heard an entrepreneur talking about flipping houses, and wondered just how strong he was to be able to do that.
A contractor replied about building a house “from the ground up”, as opposed to what, from the sky down?
At a business meeting, a printer came in to tell us what he could do for us. The guy beside me whispered, “He’s not flat, so he must be a 3D printer.”

***

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by
spontaneously moving from where you left them to
where you can’t find them.

***

A cop saw a car weaving all over the road and
pulled it over. He walked up to the car and saw
a nice-looking woman behind the wheel. There was
a strong smell liquor on her breath. He said,
“I’m going to give you a breathalyser test to
determine if you are under the influence of
alcohol.”

She blew up the balloon and he walked it back
to the police car. After a couple of minutes,
he returned to her car and said, “It looks like
you’ve had a couple of stiff ones.”

She replied, “You mean it shows that, too?”

***

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral,
or fattening. Anything not fitting into these
categories causes cancer in rats.

***
SDC11016

No matter which side of the door the
cat is on, it is the wrong side.

***

I’d like to try juicing, but I’m unsure. I don’t know how to juice a taco.

😆

 

Flash Fiction #90

Nimrod

PHOTO PROMPT © Marie Gail Stratford

BABBLE

It was finally finished! Mr. Nimr Rad gazed about.  The entire penthouse level, the 159th floor of his towering needle in the sky, was his living suite and office.

The building had begun well, but it seemed that the higher they built, the more communication problems they had. At first, all the crews had spoken good English, but by the end, foremen seemed reduced to grunts, waving arms and pointing fingers.

From this, the highest point for hundreds of miles, he looked down upon the milling masses, and felt an almost God-like superiority.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Fiction site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story,.

Flash Fiction #89

Potty

PHOTO PROMPT – © Ted Strutz

I DON’T GIVE A SHIT

Danny’s bunch of guys were a good crew. Many of them had been with him since he started his own little construction/renovation company.

With a little ingenuity, a discarded toilet, and an old trailer, he provided a Porta-Potty for the men at work sites. He had it emptied every week, and definitely before he parked it in his driveway between contracts.  Still….his wife complained of the odor.  “If you don’t correct the problem, I’ll do something to make it smell nicer.”

And so, he came out to find this.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Flash Fiction #55

Carhenge

PHOTO PROMPT – © Jean L. Hays

NOSY PARKER

I managed to acquire a small commercial lot downtown, near the sports arena, perfect for a deli/restaurant.  I used a small crane to demolish the derelict building on it.

Then the city hall bureaucrats said that my building licence could take a year or more – oh, and your taxes are due.  How can I pay taxes without a business, generating income?

The wife said, “Turn it into a parking lot.”  We can’t park enough cars to make it viable.  “You’ve still got the crane.  Stack them on end; get more in.”

I guess we should have paved the lot first.

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

#476

Plastic Surgery

#446

Just over two years ago, I wrote a Coming Home piece about how my old auto-parts plant was being given a cosmetic makeover.  An engineering firm was ready to move in, and an electronics firm was considering renting space.

Google had set up in a nearby, refurbished, gentrified tannery building, steadily increasing their local presence till they occupied the entire top floor, but was looking for still more room, and was considering a move to my old plant.

Google Building  Google’s ultimate dream

‘Considering’ is over, and money is being spent.  Not satisfied with mere lipstick and eye shadow, they are paying for a pair of implants.  On top of the three-storey section where I used to make Jeep parts, they are installing a partial two storey addition, set at a rakish, artistic angle.  They plan to occupy this entire ‘new’ (1956) end, as well as the complete top floor of the older 1906 brick section.

Prehistoric section  front

Indoors  rebuilt inside

SDC10700rear

It fronts on a street named for a German pioneer, Henry Breithaupt (brite-up), so it’s now called the Breithaupt Block, 200 feet wide and a block long.  The tank which was white, and held vinyl chips when I worked there, has been painted Gawdawful Orange, and now probably holds enough Starbucks coffee to fuel all the offices.  Note the gorgeous new (expensive) Thermo-pane windows.

Nothing is too good for Google employees.  They will have a spa, a gym, a nap/rest/reading room, several lunch rooms, c/w microwaves, stoves and refrigerators, and a staff of fulltime cooks in a cafeteria.

I have taken, and lifted, several pictures for those few who are interested, showing then, now, and near future, above.  The second photo below, shows the deteriorating brick facing and cracked windows.  During several really cold spells over the years, we would come in, to a couple of rented, jet-engine-type propane heaters on each floor.  Other photos show the facings stripped off, and the new upper floors, getting ready for a new look, taken from several angles.

SDC10701  New joining old.

Jeep building  Old Girl with her clothes on.

Jeep stripped  Stripping down to essentials.

SDC10698Standing on the shoulders of giants.

Jeep goiing upEnd-on from the main drag.

The strange angle is because the side street doesn’t meet the main one at 90 degrees.  The bus is crossing railroad tracks, and the road is currently being dug up to lay tracks for the new LRT.

This is all located right beside the upcoming bus/train/LRT transit hub, and just at the edge of the Technology Circle, envisioned, promoted and coming to fruition in the core of Kitchener, Ontario.

The old girl looked pretty good when I visited her a couple of years ago.  These new additions and improvements proceed apace.  She’s looking so much better and more functional now, and may be open for Google business by the time I publish this post.