Well Said – Poorly Written

Grammar Nazi

Another list of things that went into people’s ears, but not through their brains, before they fell back out onto paper, or the computer screen.

PROS

the power of the social medias medium is singular, media is plural, medias is illiterate, stupid, and lazy

the ship was healing over – It needed a bandage, because Clive Cussler’s ghost writer doesn’t know about ships heeling

thats also okey – That’s not okay, how did they manage to screw that one up -twice?

Causal Elegance Sheets – with a casual name misspelling

The ‘author of several books’, wouldn’t hard a fly – but I am hurt

all and all, it seems – all in all, it seems as if you don’t know English very well.

Served up by my friend Ted, at SightsNBytes, a big slice of lemon morang pie – from the moron who printed the local diner’s menu.

From a teacher, seeking a position to teach other teachers how to teach English as a first language to elementary school students – My withdrawl of the application …  I gibed her that, unless she lives in the Deep South, she should teach it as ‘withdrawal.’  She laughingly replied, “I’m from Georgia, but thanks, I’ll fix that.”

and nary the twain shall meet – Don’t misquote, and never use nary, (none) to mean never.

in which six men were shot and killed in the back while they prayed – What an awkward construction. ‘Killed in the back’, of what, a van? their mosque? How about, ‘shot in the back and killed?’

Francis Bacon, Thomas Sprat and Isaac Newton were one of the first most influential leaders of the Royal Society; – Oh!!?  That’s just painful!

The muezzin’s call to workshop – I don’t worship autocorrect, but I do, proofreading.

‘Ambassador’ Sarah Palin would sure livin’ up Canada’s capital – And I could liven up an editorial meeting by swatting this headline writer with a copy of his own rolled-up newspaper.

wants to put the Genie back in the bottle, and he wishes he had left the bottle uncorked – Janus actually probably wishes that he had left the bottle either corked, or unopened

This plane was an enemies worst – No, an enemy’s worst fear was the single possessive.

Marine commandment condemns nude photosharing – and I’ll bet that the Commandant was pissed, too.

salads galore (greek, ceaser, garden mix) – Render unto Caesar, his salads – and capitalize them!

SNARK – Used as a verb, Dictionary.com cites the word ‘snark’ as a mysterious, imaginary animal.  (Who knew?)  Use it as a noun to refer to rude or sarcastic criticism.
Snark – a mysterious, imaginary animal (a person, place or thing), is a noun.
To use it to rudely or sarcastically criticize, is an action – a verb.  And the people who are supposed to know everything about words, get it exactly upside-down.   😳

AMATEURS

our marry little band of outlaws – If they’re married, our merry little band are in-laws, not outlaws.

beyond the soller system – Somewhere in the solar system, Gene Roddenberry’s ashes are rolling over in orbit.

Canada is the world’s number one air polluter. I could go on and on ad nozium – I could go on and on, ad nauseam, about ‘alternative facts.’  Canada isn’t even in the top ten polluters, oil sands or not!

don’t feel any embracement – You should feel embarrassment that you can’t spell it.

bury the whole sorted mess – This lack of dictionaries is a sordid mess.

in the time of the ancient pharos – Did the word pharaohs look like that when (if) you read it?

a little store bot deli meat – Ya coulda bought a dictionary.

(Poem title) The Word’s He Spoken – The words (s)he got wrong….2 out of 4

milk, eggs, lard, bannans – I go bananas when I see monkeys people who can’t even spell the food they eat.

Some days will just stay in the house – where we’ll study a grammar text

though the exterior belays this – belay that garbage! The word is belies! be lies!

a guy side swapped my Excursion – Single word! Sideswiped

I’ll pay your way once and awhile once in a while, know what you’re talking about

Trump has put a band on immigration – It was the one that played at his inauguration.

I hung around with a cliché of my friends – high school cliques are so cliché.

death from potato salid – Must be homemade. Store-bought salad has properly-spelled labels.

Just bud in front of people – Well, little flower, you’ve discovered another way to hide your butt.

a final preface – for a pre-recorded, live program? For those who wonder, I believe he meant ‘presentation.’ A preface is at the beginning, not item number 5 of an extended-rant blog-post.

from time immortal – The phrase is ‘time immemorial,’ so far back that no-one can remember. Of course ‘time’ is immortal, although a lot of people try to kill time.

Equivalent awareness is actually being shown to your garden to boost becoming up to they typically do with the indoor areas in their home. W! T! F! I know the meaning of every word, but haven’t a clue what this guy was writing about.

CROSSWORDS

Shadowbox = spar This is like sex. It’s the difference between masturbation and intercourse.  It depends on how many people are present.  Shadowbox is one.  Spar is two.

 

 

Flash Fiction #121

diner

PHOTO PROMPT © Roger Bultot

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT

“What are we doing here? If we were any further east, we’d have to trade the car for a rowboat.”

“I told you! To get a little piece of real American Patriotism.  Look at that menu.  They still offer Freedom Fries, and Freedom Toast.  I want to make America great again too, but I think we can do it without building walls, restricting immigration, or Trump’s paranoia.

Trump probably can’t even spell Woonsocket, RI, and thankfully, neither his GPS nor his handlers paraded him through here during his election tour. Order up, and we’ll go talk to some original Patriots.”

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

***

Have a Happy/Merry/Drunken Whatever-you-wish-to-celebrate.  😎

Food For Thought

We’re famous!  Or, our twin city to the north is….well, at least one old restaurant in it is.  I went to MSN.ca the other day, and there was an article about Harmony Lunch.  Still in its original building on the main street of Waterloo, ON, this eatery has been in business for 83 years, passed from father to son, to grand-daughter.

Opened at the beginning of The Great Depression, it is typical of 1930’s diners, which means that it is very un-typical for it to still be in business.  The heart of its appeal, the thing that got it going then, and keeps it going now, is that, the staple of its menu is pork burgers with fried onions.  The writer of the article said that they were made with ham, but there’s lots of parts of a pig that ain’t ham.

Always cheaper than beef, the patties are made with ground pork.  They are fried by the dozen on an old flat gas grill, right beside the sliced onions which are constantly replaced, and fried all day, in the pork fat, till they are tasty and caramelized.  The place goes though a fifty-pound bag of onions a day, obtained from local Mennonite farmers.  The split buns are given a quick toast at the edge of the grill, and then this delicious concoction is assembled.

Before the son achieved full-time employment, I would take him out for lunch each week I was on afternoons.  A couple of times we wound up here.  Long-time residents of the Twin Cities know about the place, and keep it busy.  It’s an un-liquor-licenced, family restaurant.  Within walking distance of both the Universities, the place doesn’t advertise.  The owner says that many students don’t know that it exists, or head for trendier eateries, but once they get dragged in by friends or family, he sees the same young faces regularly.

The lean, mean automotive world operates on a just-in-time system, and deliveries must be guaranteed.  When I worked at the auto-parts stamping shop, normal problems sometimes caused production delays, which in turn caused Saturday overtime work.  If any of my eight underlings had to work, I was expected to be present to supervise.  As the Purchasing Agent, I couldn’t call anyone, but there was always some paperwork which needed to be cleaned up.

The company president also showed up, and, about ten o’clock would ask each worker how many of these gorgeous Harmony Burgers they wanted for lunch.  Depending on the size of the necessary crew, he would phone in an order for 30 or 40, or 50, and arrange to have them delivered to the plant.  I can’t say that he was a kind, thoughtful, caring boss, just that he was cynical enough to know that he should appear to be.

In one of his how-to-be-an-asshole boss instruction sessions with me, he taught me how to get an unwanted change made.  First you start a rumor about something that’s far worse than what you want to achieve.  Then you let the workers stew about it for a few days.  Tell them on Monday that, the next Monday, when they come to work, you’re going to cut off both their hands and feet.  Let them worry about it on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.  On Friday, you tell them, that you’re only going to cut off their left big toe.  They’re so happy that that is all they’re losing, that they go along with it willingly.  What a sweetheart!  I miss him….as much as I possibly can.  Oh yeah, asshole long enough and hard enough equals dead asshole.

I usually had two burgers at the plant, but, at the end of the day, there were inevitably a few left over.  I got to take these home for the wife and kids.  We joke that we can’t take the wife anywhere to eat, because she will figure out how to make the same food as well, or better.  Even though she was born and raised in Waterloo, the wife has never been to Harmony Lunch.  Despite that, based only on the leftovers, she has developed our own version.  I had a leftover one for lunch today before I decided to start this post.

It might not be the Colonel’s 11 herbs and spices, but there’s obviously a recipe for them.  Other than ground pork instead of beef, we mix them as we do regular hamburgers, bread crumbs for filler, an egg for binder, salt, pepper, mesquite powder or liquid for tang, and some Worcestershire Sauce.  They make theirs thin, like a Big Mac single patty.  We make ours twice that thick.

To go with six burgers, for three people, I fry up two Sweet or Spanish onions, as big as melons.  It takes at least an hour and a half to render down a huge frying pan full of raw onion to a soup-bowl full of delicious condiment.  Add some mustard and sweet relish, on a lightly toasted bun, and you’ve I’ve got a meal that’ll stick to my ribs….and a lot of other places on this bowl-full-of-jelly body.

It’s nice to see a local business get some national recognition.  They must be doing something right, to have lasted for 83 years.  I hope that there is another generation to carry on the tradition.  I wish them another 83 years, although my cholesterol levels won’t let me stick around to see it.  It’s a good thing there was only the one burger left at lunch, but now I’m hungry again.  You guys talk among yourselves while I go raid the fridge.