37th-Day Adventist Fibbing Friday

This is Pensitivity101’s Pass The Buck version of Fibbing Friday.  Thanks to Jim Adams who supplied the questions this week. You can check out his blog here.

  1. Why did all the dinosaurs die?

Fred Flintstone opened an automobile dealership, and sold cars to almost all of them.  T-Rex had trouble steering his, because of his short arms.  Then a Brontosaurus learned how to make fern wine.  Within a couple of years, dinosaur drunken driving accidents had reduced their numbers below the breeding survival limit.  They didn’t want to admit that they were a bunch of saurian sots.  They blamed it on a single meteor, but really, it was Fords, Meteors, Monarchs, and a few Taunuses.

  1. Why are there so many stories about the great flood?

What with Global Warming, wildfires and decades-long droughts, it’s just a way for people to fondly remember the good old days when illegal Mexican immigrants needed at least a raft, or an inner tube, to sneak across the Rio Grande into Texas.  Now they can do it with a skateboard.

On the other hand, if Iceland’s glaciers continue to melt, and sea levels rise, London’s East Enders will be living on houseboats, and Paris will be a deep-water port.

  1. What happened at Hadrian’s Wall?

A drunken Scotsman (Are there any other kinds?) fell off it, while trying to get over it on his way home from the pub.  He landed on his sporran, spraining it badly, and dropped his takeaway packet of chips and Scottish egg.

  1. How long was the hundred years war?

576 miles, 3089 feet, 7 ¾ inches.  Any longer than that, and it would have reached past the Maginot line, into Germany – and we all know how grumpy those folks can get when you interrupt their Oktoberfest parade.

  1. Why was it all quiet on the western front?

There was a COVID-caused supply chain problem, and an entire shipment of hearing-aid batteries were not allowed across the border, because the truck driver was a vaccine-denier, who refused to wear a mask.

  1. What was the Boxer Rebellion all about?

That was when I firmly put my foot down when the wife tried to get me to change over to bikini briefs.  The very idea! 😳   At my age my underwear has to cover a lot of territory.  I just silently (But very rebelliously) declined to buy any.

  1. What caused the Titanic to sink?

Leonardo DiCrapio’s enormous ego.  If he hadn’t been standing up at the bowsprit with his arms spread, doing an impersonation of Amelia Earhart, the ship’s pilot might have been able to see past his swelled head, and avoided that delivery of ice for the ship’s bar.

  1. Why do they want us to remember the Main?

Americans would like Brits to remember that it was a battleship named after the State of Maine.  Its sinking in the Havana harbour in 1898 was the putative cause of the Spanish/American War – the first made- for- television newspaper conflict.  Publisher/producer William Randolph Hearst told a photographer who was on the scene, “You get me the photographs.  I’ll get you the war.”  😯

  1. What happened to Amelia Earhart?

She was originally Flighty Spice, the 6th member of The Spice Girls, but she became so embarrassed that she got plastic surgery, changed her name, and came back as Britney Spears – far less demeaning.

  1. Who was involved in the Iran Contra scandal?

If you can believe the testimony, – and who would think that anyone, especially respected American politicians, would lie under oath?Nobody was involved!  It was all just a fig newton of our collective imagination, and never really occurred at all.

36-24-36 Fibbing Friday

Pennsitivity101 is going with Alter Egos this week.
Prominent figures, but who would you match as their alter ego?

  1. Boris Johnson

Bozo the Clown.  No-one would suspect that one orange-haired, goofy-talking fool was really a different orange-haired, goofy-talking fool.  The only danger might be that there would accumulate a critical mass of inane silliness, and we could have a political and philosophical meltdown, and a severe case of Estonia Syndrome – because China wouldn’t want anything to do with it.
2.  Madonna

Mae West.  The bloom is off Madonna’s rose.  The line, ‘Come up and see me sometime.’ is beginning to sound a little desperate.
3.  Victoria Beckham

The Wicked Witch of the West.  Don’t tell me that you haven’t thought that too!  😳  “Fly, my pretties – and bring me back all the profits that my Nigerian Prince scams legitimate businesses earn.”
4.  Roger Federer.

John McEnroe.  Finally, Roger the quiet, Roger the stoic, Roger the well-mannered, could let his internal Dennis the Menace loose once in a while.
5.  James Bond

Thomas Stewart, owner/proprietor of the finest artisanal oat-based vodka distillery in all of Scotland.  ‘Tell the Sassenachs that it’s exclusive and eco-friendly, with a low carbon footprint, and soon they’ll be at Hadrian’s Wall, throwing Pounds and Euros at Glencoe, to purchase it.  They will be shaken – and stirred.
6.  Ebenezer Scrooge

Stay-Puft, the Marshmallow Man.  Give him a little scare three times in one night and he goes all soft and mushy and sweet.  If this keeps up, soon I’ll be the only grumpy old dude left.  😉
7.  H.G. Wells

Project manager for Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin space project.  He could show them how to actually get off their butts, and off the surface of the planet.
8.  Agatha Christie

Madame DeFarge.  Actually, Agatha Christie has caused more deaths, as she sat knitting, knitting, knitting her devious murder plots together.
9.  Liberace

A bank manager.  A critic once savaged one of Lee’s programs in a newspaper review.  An assistant told him of the pan, and asked if it upset him.  Liberace replied, “I cried all the way to the bank.”
10. Winston Churchill

A Cuban cigar-maker with a pet bulldog.

Birthday Fibbing Friday

I paddled up the canal to Pensitivity101’s house, skillfully passing narrow-boats in my Kevlar inflatable kayak.  When I drew near, I heard her talking about musical reasons for more lies.  She wanted to know:  Who sang these?

  1. Money, Money, Money

A duet between Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg, recorded at the Scrooge McDuck Studio.
2.   Another Brick in the Wall

Donald Trump, but he never even got the wall started.  Apparently, the Mexicans couldn’t get financing, even with him co-signing.
3.   Rocket Man

Elon Musk
4.   Everybody wants to rule the world

Vladimir Putin
5.   Life on Mars

The NASA Philharmonic and Choir
6.   Monster Mash

Gordon Ramsay
7.   Tiptoe through the Tulips

The City By-law Enforcement Officer who had to put up all the signs in the park that read:

All dogs must be on a leash!
Owners must pick up after their dogs!
Fine $75

  1. I wanna hold your hand

Every Black guy, stopped by a white, American cop.  It’s better than him holding your neck for eight minutes, with his knee
9.   Ruby Tuesday

Glinda the Good Witch’s younger cousin, Myrna The Mediocre Witch of the Flea Market.  She was the one who sold the fancy red shoes to Dorothy.
10. Get the Party Started.

In Canada, it was Teresa May, the optimistic head of the Green One-Trick-Pony  One-Seat-Party, but you may have her ilk where you live, idealistic, but ultimately useless.

Flash Fiction #170

Zor and Zam

PHOTO PROMPT © Yvette Prior

ZOR AND ZAM

A business meeting – the bane of office life, always scheduled for the least inopportune time of a roomful of busy people.

You could be on the phone or computer, actually achieving something, but had to massage egos to justify your budget.  Basically it was a ‘Mine’s bigger than yours’ contest.  There was always one guy who had to show how important he was, by missing it.  Some came late – “Did I miss anything?”  Some had to leave early – pity the poor executive secretary who had to co-ordinate all this.

What if the boss gave an office meeting…. and nobody came?

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Click here to listen to The Monkees sing about two petty kings who tried to have a war, but nobody came.

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If you’ve read Rochelle’s offering, (And if you haven’t already, you WILL, Right!) click here to listen to the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band tell the story of Bo Jangles.

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Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Friday Fictioneers