- What are Neanderthals?
They are the white-skinned descendants of ancient caveman savages – with very little evolution or improvement. They are hairy, loud, thoughtless and inconsiderate. Good Queen Bess II once referred to them as jumped-up oiks. They wear their pants pulled down so far that their underwear hangs out – We’re probably lucky that they wear any, and that it’s clean, not gigantic plumber’s cracks. They listen to rap music, while Negroes point and laugh at them, and think they’re Bad Boys.
- Why did man settle in the Euphrates Valley?
Mankind found a peyote-like shrub, and the best bud – after they discovered fire to smoke it with. When Manolito set up a taco wagon, selling Mexican food and cervezas, they all decided to just sit back and chill out.
- What caused the Ice age?
I’m not sure. I remember my Mother yelling at me to close the refrigerator door. No-one has put any new food in it since you last checked, five minutes ago! At the same time, my Father was yelling at my Brother, “Close the damned front door! We can’t afford to heat the entire neighbourhood!”
- What kind of water is in the Yellow River?
The Isle of Dogs sits in the middle of it – lots of trees – lots of dogs – you do the math – just don’t eat yellow snow.
- What is the world’s oldest city?
I believe that it’s Tampa, Florida, where the average age is 92.683 years, blue hair is as common as fire ants, and they all eat some strange poultry dish called the Early Bird.
- Why did the Nile River rise every summer, overflow its banks, and flood Egypt?
Simple physics! Heat causes thing to expand. The summer is even hotter, so the water expanded. The sand dunes got bigger too, but no-one noticed. If you’ve seen one sand dune, you’ve seen…. Egypt. 😳
- Who invented soap?
Many people think that it was Proctor and Gamble, but it was really a Wall Street advertising firm whose name has been lost in the mists of time a froth of bubbles, and a blizzard of hundred-dollar bills in promotional fees. Duz does everything, and Ajax was stronger than dirt.
- Why did Nimrod build the Tower of Babel?
He said that it was to get a better Wi-Fi connection, but I heard that his wife told him the mother-in-law was coming for an extended visit, and he needed someplace peaceful and quiet to re-string his bow. (If you think that’s a euphemism for something, you’re probably phallically right.)
- Who is the Scorpion King?
Duh-Wayne Johnson! Didn’t you see the movie?? He’s taking over Chuck Norris’s spot. Someone asked him how he got the nickname, ‘The Rock?’ He took a run at a lake, and skipped 15 times.
- Why was the Great Pyramid built?
It was a practice session for I. M. Pei, for that monstrosity he inflicted on the Louvre and its patrons. I don’t see the point of either. He says that it’s because I’m too small.