The following are some of the laws that the universe operates under. Get used to the idea of following them. No-one living has found a way to get around them.
Murphy’s 1st Law
The general law on why things go wrong – “If anything can go wrong, it will.”
Murphy’s 2nd Law
If it can be assembled wrong, it will.
Murphy’s 3rd Law
If it can be operated wrong, it will.
Murphy’s 4th Law
All failures will occur at the most inaccessible location.
Murphy’s 5th Law
Everything costs more than the estimate.
Murphy’s 6th Law
Every task takes longer than you think it will.
Murphy’s 7th Law
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy’s 8th Law
If you tinker with or try to improve something long enough, eventually it will break.
Murphy was an optimist!
Dude’s Law of Duality
(A special case of Murphy’s 1st law)
Of two possible outcomes, only the undesired one will occur.
(Incorporates the concept of desirability into a general law.)
The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Flap’s Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects
Any inanimate object regardless of its position or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time, in a totally unexpected manner, for reasons which are either entirely obscure, or else completely mysterious.
Mule’s Law: The Universal Field Theory of Perversity
The probability of an event’s occurring varies directly with the perversity of the inanimate object involved, and inversely with the product of its desirability and the effort expended to produce it.
The Theorem of the Dynamic Application of the Law of Adversity and Perversity
Some events are more likely to occur in Los Angeles or New York, rather than Miami or Chicago.
Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
Any improbable event, which would create maximum confusion if it did occur, will occur.
Nothing is impossible, for the man who doesn’t have to do it.
Chisolm’s First Law: The Law of Human Interaction
Any time things seem to be getting better, you have overlooked something.
Chisolm’s Second Law
If you explain so clearly that nobody can possibly misunderstand, somebody will.
Chisolm’s Third Law
If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone’s approval, somebody won’t like it.
Chisolm’s Fourth Law
All procedures devised to implement the purpose won’t quite work.
He who tooteth his own horn, maketh sure his own horn has been tootethed.
Zymurgy’s First Law of Evolving System Dynamica
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
(Old worms never die, they just worm their way into larger cans.)
In a crisis which forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, most people will choose the worst possible one.
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Any argument worth making within a bureaucracy must be capable of being expressed in a simple declarative sentence that is obviously true, once stated.
Parker’s Law of Political Statements
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility, and vice versa.
Law of Superiority
The first example of a superior principle is always inferior to the developed example of an inferior principle.
Men and nations will act rationally, when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
The Law Of Perversity Of Nature
(Mrs. Murphy’s Corollary)
You cannot determine beforehand, which side of the bread to butter.
When several reporters share a cab on an assignment, the reporter in the front seat pays for all.
Doyle’s Corollary to Weaver’s Law
No matter how many reporters share a cab, and no matter who pays, each puts the full fare on his own expense account.
To estimate the time it will take to perform a task, double the initial estimate and change the unit of measure up to the next highest unit. Thus you need to allocate two days to complete a one hour task.
The Reno Rule
A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.
Beauty times brains, equals a constant.
Merrill’s First Corollary
There are no winners in life, only survivors.
Merrill’s Second Corollary
On the highway of life, the average happening is of about as much true significance as a dead skunk in the middle of the road.
There is a tendency for the person in the most powerful position in an organization to spend all his time serving on committees and signing letters.
The amount of flak received on any subject is inversely proportional to the subject’s true value.
Pure drivel tends to drive ordinary drivel off the TV screen.
(As propounded by Inglesbe)
The insignificance of the error is inversely proportional to the intensity of the resulting castigation – or, the smaller the slip, the bigger the lip.
What mother tells daughter she wouldn’t understand, usually results in daughter doing things that mother wouldn’t understand.
Barth’s Law of Distinction
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don’t.
Friedman’s Reiteration of Crane’s Law
There is no free lunch.
Finagle’s General Law of Adversity
Once a good thing is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Finagle’s First Law
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Finagle’s Second Law
No matter what result is anticipated, there will always be someone eager to (a) misinterpret it, (b) fake it, or (c) believe it happened to his own pet theory.
Finagle’s Third Law
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking, is the mistake.
No-one whom you ask for help will see it.
Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
The amount of expertise varies in direct proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
Hartley’s First Law
You can lead a horse to water, but if you can get him to float on his back, you’ve really got something.
Everything put together, sooner or later falls apart.
Diogenes’ Second Dictum
If a taxpayer thinks he can safely cheat, he probably will.