DON’T SAY ANOTHER WORD!

Use the correct one.

They’re practicing English without a licence again. Hang onto your dictionaries and thesauruses, kids.

Grammar Nazi

Pros

something about her physiognomy which helped her beat the illness – here’s a two-bit writer, trying to use an eight-dollar word. Physiognomy is a face, or outer appearance, which some pretentious Brits tried to use, and failed, and shortened to ‘fizz.’  He wanted physiology, or inner construction.

In an article about expensive typos – Officials site a missing hyphen in the code – Even GrammarCheck insists that it is cite.

Same article – Enjoy these spelling mistakes from passed and present – What’s passed is past.

This section totes up a variety – to be totes honest, it tots (tawts) up a variety of errors, even though that word means totals, or adds.

It’s a tough road to hoe – and a row of angry gardeners with hoes, don’t know whether to blame a city works crew, a drugged-out old rocker, or the entertainment columnist who interviewed him.

She gave her heighth in centimetres. – You can give length and width, or even have an eighth, but it’s height,

He was the hooten and holleren champion – No, that was me hootin’ and hollerin’, because you can’t handle apostrophed abbreviations.

the kids’ “hot water challenge” has them dumping scolding water – and I’m scolding them for not using ‘scalding.’

Man wins the open sheath throw contest at the Highland games – Most Highland Game events were originally Army contests.  While still showcasing Scottish brute strength, this one though, began as a county fair display.  Originally using an agricultural implement to throw large bundles of harvested grain up onto a wagon, it is a sheaf throw contest, open to all contestants.  A pitchfork is used, rather than any edged tools/weapons, so there is no sheath, open or otherwise.

all those fellow suffers of the writing bug – How many sufferers of her second 80,000 word novel will there be?

The Norsemen made 4 journeys around 1000 BC – not an incorrect usage, as such, just a newspaper writer who made a 2000-year mistake by not knowing BC from AD.

Link bellow for descriptive video – This one, obviously, should be below.

Smoke had begun to bellow from the bow of the ship – No smart-ass comment – just billow.

The stunted trees are not like the soaring furs of the Cascades – These soaring furs better be worn by RuPaul, ‘cause the Cascades evergreens are firs.

I know that proofreaders are as extinct as dinosaurs, and spell/grammar-checkers won’t catch most of the incorrect homonyms, but, the above two examples are from two successful, well-known authors. I am dazed as to why/how they could use these incorrect terms, without noticing.  Data-entry transcribers are about as aware as earthworms, but didn’t an editor (whose job it is to notice these things) notice these things?

Amateurs

I saw the term being banded about – I know that bandied isn’t common, but ‘banded’ makes no sense.

I am defenetly sure – that you’re definitely wrong.

The best story teller is defiantly Jesus Christ. – Jesus Christ!  I’m definitely sure you’re related to defenetly.

Sue me yah shitty resuraunt
you’re food I don’t want –
Shut up, yah shitty language user
you’re just an English abuser.

but I won’t you to get used to it kinda not being there – And I want you to stop writing in hillbilly.

I just did a poppa wheelie with my bicycle – and yo’ momma wants you to pop a wheelie.

I opened the book to an unformiliar question. – Open a dictionary to ‘unfamiliar,’ which comes from the word, ‘family.’

other ways the homo Sidle maniac could think up – That homo, Sidle, became homicidal because of usage like this.

The government should release how stupid this is. – Why??  You don’t realize how stupid release sounds.

I don’t mean this as a depreciation – you should mean it as a deprecation, once you take the ’I’ out of it

the juggle is nature’s most biodiverse area – too diverse to juggle a SpellCheck, it’s a jungle out there.

The gold band was diamond-stubbed – and your attendance record at your English course was studded with absences.

everyone was present an (sic) accounted for – sic, sick, sick

Grainy was my favorite character on Beverly Hillbillies – That one explains itself.

I can understand why to some extinct. – I understand why dictionaries are extinct, to some extent.

Do things like these grate on your nerves??  Tell me about it!   😈

 

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DIZZY – MY HEAD IS SPINNING

Grammar Nazi

Oh dear, gentle readers, the decline and fall of proper English usage continues apace. There are more people who know less about the language, and prove it, by writing and publishing their errors.

When I began blogging, lo these many (4) years ago, I had to click to get my output Spellchecked. Now, I don’t even have my fingers raised from the keys, before that dreaded wavy red underline tells me I’ve Miss Spelled mispilled somehow erred – which would be great, if the program actually spelled the correct word.

When I enter text into a translation program, it even tells me that my foreign language words are not spelled ‘correctly’ in English. GrammarCheck is just as bad.  It’s more powerful now, but the code-writers could have used GrammarCheck themselves.

I wrote ‘The Beatles – Let It Be’, and was ‘corrected’ to – let it is.  I typed ‘lay it down’ – and was ‘corrected’ to lie it down.  It wanted me to revise one line to – ‘any idea we were coming had’.  That program may have been upgraded by a Squarehead Kraut, because only the Germans the verb at the end of the sentence put.

Other official, commercial headshakers include:
MSN’s headline that –Seattle sets record four loudest stadium.
a Wikipedia photo, captioned ‘The Chicago L’  It’s an elevated train, Loser!
a crossword puzzle where the clue ‘Classic Chevy’ – equaled ‘TBird’, apparently built by Henry and Edsel Chevrolet.

it hardens back to a time – Only between your ears. I harken (or hearken) back to archaic usage.

beer-swaling hockey nuts – So many illiterate, bladder-emptying jokes…they’re swilling.

Rule could effect record company profits – What is the affect of incorrect usage?

I could really careless about a number – I couldn’t care less about your careless misusage.

She clamored up the stairs – making a lot of noise, as she clambered up the stairs.

Bare with me a while, seems to be an invitation to a party I can’t bear to miss.

warned of their want to cross the road – I want them to know that the correct word is wont. (not won’t)

the couple had a relationship, but only plutonic – Wow, that’s out of this world.

sense you left….your English doesn’t make any since

I’d bend over back words – Like ‘Asshole’? That’s a ‘back word’ for backwards writers.

Toe-headed people like me – More like ass-headed. tow-headed = sandy-colored hair.

I studied Shakespeare and Julia’s Cesar – You just want to pound your head, or a teacher’s.

eats chutes and leaves – Without understanding the joke – or Botany.

a bowl haircut, like Moe from the Three Stugges – A fourth stugge stooge wrote this crap.

a quilt made from old flower sacks – Filled with roses and crysanth krisan more roses. Does anybody besides me remember when flour came in sacks?

They’re being terrorists shouldn’t bother anyone. – Their being a professional writer, should!

a tee-shirt bearing her mid drift – I bear a mid-drift; she was baring her midriff.

did the ice-bucket challenge with a pale of cold milk – Well, a pail of it is white.

Farmers’ Market vendors sell beefstake tomatoes – To vampire killers?

A butcher sells male and peamale bacon

caught in the straight-jacket of social expectations – Go strait to the dictionary!

came to blows with eatchother – Please note the spacebar below

Gourmet salad dressings – tomatow and bealTomato, mixed with things like cranberry and mango. What in Hell is beal?

He wasn’t aloud to carry a gun – He had to keep quiet about what he was allowed to carry

He wrecked havoc – I hate it when someone wrecks my havoc. I just get the detritus and debris randomly distributed, only to find some OCD has wreaked order and neatness with a broom.

The hooker lifted her short skirt to display her wears – But she wears none, so bewares, don’t get caught unawares, in the warehouse, among the softwares and hardwares.

So I od not have to mention it again – It’s odd that they don’t know the correct word is ought.

Ball your eyes out – I would bawl, but at least it’s better than eyeing your balls out.

They’re just etching out a living – There’s no need for eking a living, when you can make etchings.

I’ll leave you with the tale of a reader who reached my site, riding on the search term “Archron, Ohio.” He may have found me, but he’ll never find Akron.

 

Assaults And Indignities

 

Grammar Nazi

 

 

This is my annual rant about the mayhem inflicted by the uncaring speakers, but not really writers, of our beautiful mother tongue.  Ah, the things they think they’re saying, when they’re not really thinking at all.

A local reporter wrote a mournful piece about a plaintive in a court case.  Perhaps he thought that a plaintiff was just an ordinary fight.

Twice in two days, I read about a slathering fiend.  That’s your kid, when he puts too much peanut butter on his toast.  A slavering fiend drips saliva from his fangs.

You are more of a trooper than I am – only if you’re in the army or police force.  A member of a troupe of actors, who believes the show must go on, is a trouper.

No matter what path you lead before – confuses the past tense verb, led, with the metal, lead.

Taking a quick peak into the mall shops, happens because it’s often a sneak peek, two words which sound the same, but are spelled differently.  I don’t think they have any mountains in there.

From my prospective, I don’t think – Yes, it’s obvious you don’t think, you prospective dolt.  If you did, you’d think about a visual, or mental perspective.

The populous didn’t know what was happening.  That’s because the information didn’t go to the adjective, but to populace, the noun.

Song writers often miss the mark by trying to be creative.  An oldie, still sometimes played, bemoans “songs we used to like” and other, unnamed things, perhaps like bell-bottomed jeans and disco balls, which have gone out the window.  They may be gone, in the normal state of progress, but “gone out the window” is like throwing out the baby with the bath water – precipitately, prematurely, and without proper consideration.

A similar complaint could be made about the tune that sings about, “Our house, in the middle of the street.”  I can just see poor Mom, run over by a semi, roaring through the back door as she’s serving soup.  I’m pretty sure Our house, was, in the middle of the block.

There were hundreds of make-ship signs, but there were no ships, because the shiftless protesters only made make-shift signs, while they were at the coffee shop pouring over the details.  Fortunately none got spilled on the keyboard, and they found that, by getting right down to the skin, they were poring over details.

You might think that if two guys were either whaling, or wailing, at each other, one of them would be correct.  Sadly, not so!  Wales are strips, or ridges, as in wide-wale, or narrow-wale corduroy, a string-like fabric that once, only French kings could wear.  Corde du Roi – the string of the King.  The strips of planks which made up the hulls of wooden ships were wales, at the top of which were installed the cannons, making them gunwales, or gunnels, for the linguistically lazy.  So actually, these guys were waling on each other – shoulda used dictionaries.

To keep the fans appraised of what’s happening.  What’s happening is, I’ve appraised that the fans should have been apprised.

She didn’t let the news phase her, because she was in the phase where she didn’t know that she should be fazed.

The candidate was taking her queue from the Liberals.  If she stood in the line long enough, the stage manager would have given her her cue.

More bitching about crossword puzzles:

FAQs are not data.  They are Frequently Asked Questions.  The answers to the questions comprise the data.

Part of DVDVideo  Somebody just doesn’t know that the V in DVD stands for versatile.

Joyous to Burns – Aglee  Just because the word contains “glee,” doesn’t mean it’s happy.  It comes from the Scottish, “gley”, meaning squint, and means askew or awry.  SpellCheck doesn’t even recognize aglee.  I’ll have to click “Add to Dictionary.”

How so does not mean whyWherefore means why, despite generations of incorrect teaching of Romeo and Juliet.  How so (or howso) explains how something came to pass or exist, though showing that usually also displays why it occurred.

I wrote that I didn’t want to add any more to the problem.  SpellCheck/GrammarCheck insisted that it should be anymore, a totally different concept.  It also “corrected” a line to read, “I don’t know how you people does it.”

I used the word Clientele in a sentence.  SpellCheck insisted that it should be Clientage, an archaic word, hardly used anymore.  For a laugh, I agreed to put it in, and SpellCheck now insisted that it should be client age.  There’s just no pleasing this computer.

I don’t know if the writers of the TV series N. C. I. S. were serious, or making a joke, but they irritated me, twice.  They had the supposedly intelligent female lab tech describe a couple of agents, “grasping at hollow polystyrene tubes.”

Firstly, the statement is redundant.  If they’re hollow, they’re tubes.  If they’re not hollow, they’re rods.  Secondly, city-dwellers may not remember, but the saying refers to tall, dried grass stalks, not modern drinking implements.  If there are no logs or sticks handy, a drowning person will grasp at straws.

Suspect fleas officer – Why?  Did the officer have termites?

The stationary company, BIC – just sat there, making stationery.

You can have pie Alamo – but only in Texas.

The worst I found was, at least, a non-professional comment on a blog-site.  “Cookie Monster should of lernt restraint right from the start I which him the best”  Again, so few words, so many mistakes!  😦

Like too many others, this gal hears *should’ve* but doesn’t remember from school, and puts in *of* to make the (‘ve) sound.  Learnt is archaic, but acceptable, if you learned to spell it correctly.  She could have learned to put periods after “start” and “best”, and I wish people like her knew what they were writing about.

I’ll leave you with the best.  It’s still wrong, but it’s cute.  A guy wanted to sell his house, because he didn’t want to live on a cuddle sack.