There was a little change of pace this/last week. Below are ten scenarios and Pensitivity101 would like you to make up excuses/fibs for not complying or owning up either as kids or adults.
- Meeting the prospective in-laws for the first time.
My in-laws had the good sense and taste to both die before I even met my future wife. It saved me the trouble of later having to water the grass around their grave-stones. My fine friend asked me to pour a pint of good Scotch whiskey on his grave after he passes. I asked him if he minded if I strained it through my kidneys first.
2. Going to your partner’s firm’s social evening where you know it will be talking shop all night.
Honey, you know how impressed I am with insurance actuarial tables, but Elon Musk called, and he wants to discuss my expertise in designing high-power Maguffium batteries. He’s going to let me watch the SpaceX rocket launch, and help him name his next kid. You just go and have fun, and I’ll bring you back a Tesla.
3. Not going to school on a test day.
Win, lose, or draw, you would have to be a complete fool to do this – as I know, from sad, personal experience. One year in high school, there were exams scheduled every morning, and every afternoon for a week, depending on what courses you took. I blithely showed up on Tuesday afternoon for a French test, only to find that it was Greek History. French had been that morning.
I explained my problem to the French teacher. He promised to put me in a supervised study hall to take it, if I would swear that I had talked to no-one about it, or been given any of the questions. I passed the exam, but the dismal mark I got proved that I didn’t cheat.
4. Broken a window whilst playing outside
I once kicked a soccer-ball real hard, and broke a lady’s window. She was yelling at me, and saying that she was going to go to my parents. I told her that my dad was a glazier, and he would come and fix her window if she let me go get him. Soon, a man showed up and fixed it. Then he said, “That’ll be $10.” She protested. “Aren’t you that boy’s father?”
“No! Aren’t you his mother?”
5. Having gone shopping, spent all the money, but not bought anything on the list.
Shopping list??! This isn’t our shopping list! This is our neighbor Bob’s shopping list. He probably put it in my pocket as a joke. You remember about a month ago, when he tricked me into going to the bar with him and getting really, REALLY wasted – and he peed my pants, too.
6. Damaged the car
I was just trying to pull into our driveway, when a tree we don’t have jumped out right in front of me.
7. Late for work
Sorry Boss, I’m still on standard time. I haven’t switched to Daylight time.
Smithers, It’s the end of April.
I know, boss, but the battery in my calendar needs to be replaced
8. Forgotten to do your homework
I never ‘Forgot’ to do my homework – ignored it maybe, but never forgot it. The only thing that elementary and high schools teach, is how to memorize and regurgitate. With my innate neurological memory problem, I soon found that homework was little help. I understood principles, but found rereading, and rereading, and rereading the texts and my notes finally cemented the memories.
We had trouble
right there in River City
with a capital T,
and that rhymed with P,
and that stood for Pool.
That left me time to do most of my studying of physics – reflection, refraction, colours of the spectrum – at the local pool hall. 😳
9. Insurance claim for damage to property
No Sir! The pizza was stuck to the ceiling when we moved in.
Nah. That won’t work.
Everybody else jumped off the roof, so I did too.
No, that’s not even related. I might as well try the truth for a change.
We had a strong little storm cell come through. It generated a small tornado, and golf-ball-sized hail stones that made my car look like J. Arthur Rank’s giant gong.
10. Ruined an expensive piece of clothing.
The wife saved, and saved, and saved to buy this pricey little gown for the likes of company Christmas parties – and then managed to get salad oil on it. Dry-cleaning isn’t dry. They use liquid solvents to lift the stains.
I had a bit of petrol for the mower. I drizzled a bit on, worked it in well, and blotted it up with paper towel. I took ‘Before’ and ‘After’ photos with my cell phone. The ‘after’ shot apparently generated a static spark, and I learned three things.
It’s a good thing that she wasn’t wearing it at the time.
My left eyebrow will probably grow back in six months – and
The phone will remain turned off, and in the car, when I fuel up.
Archon's Den 