During one of my many trips to London, I became
friends with a very wealthy, yet very modest,
Jewish chap named Hyman Goldfarb. On one visit,
Hy told me that because of his large donations to
charities through the years, the queen wanted to
knight him, but he was going to turn it down.
“That’s a great honor,” I said. “Why would you
turn it down?”
“Because during the ceremony you have to say
something in Latin,” he said. “And I don’t wish
to bother studying Latin just for that.”
“So say something in Hebrew. The queen wouldn’t
know the difference.”
“Brilliant,” Hy complimented me, “but what should
“Remember that question the son asks the father
on the first night of Passover? … ‘Why is this
night different from all other nights?’ Can you
say that in Hebrew?”
“Of course,” he said. “Ma nishtana ha leila
hazeh. Thank you, old sport, I shall become a
At the ceremony Hy waited his turn while several
of the other honorees went before the queen.
Finally they called his name. He knelt before
Her Majesty, she placed her sword on one shoulder
and then on the other, and motioned for Hy to speak.
Out came “Ma nishtana ha leila hazeh.”
The queen turned to her husband and said, “Why is
this knight different from all other knights?”
Did you ever stop to think – and forget to start again?
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women don’t shut up long enough to build up pressure.
A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks an
assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant
explains that they don’t stock them. The man
insists that he bought his last one from this
store. The assistant refers the man to the
pharmacist, who explains that store has never
stocked such an item. The man explains he bought
his last one from this store only weeks ago and
has done for several years. The pharmacist asks
man to bring in his last purchase and he will try
to match the product.
The following day, the man returns to the
pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the
pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer
thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is
obviously of the underarm stick variety.
The customer explains that instructions on
the back state, “Push up bottom to use.”
I often wonder: What do people mean when they say,
“The computer went down on me?” 😯