Workin’ Like A Dog

sdc10369

A local business was looking for office
help. They put a sign in the window,
stating the following: “Help Wanted.
Must be able to type, must be good with
a computer and must be bilingual. We
are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”

A short time afterwards, a dog trotted
up to the window, saw the sign and went
inside. He looked at the receptionist
and wagged his tail, then walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the receptionist got
the office manager. The office manager
looked at the dog and was surprised, to
say the least. However, the dog looked
determined, so he led him into the
office. Inside, the dog jumped up on
the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said “I can’t hire you.
The sign says you have to be able to
type.” The dog jumped down, went to
the typewriter and proceeded to type
out a perfect letter. He took out
the page and trotted over to the
manager and gave it to him, then jumped
back on the chair. The manager was
stunned, but then told the dog “The sign
says you have to be good with a
computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded to
enter and execute a perfect program,
that worked flawlessly the first time.
By this time the manager was totally
dumb-founded!

He looked at the dog and said “I realize
that you are a very intelligent dog and
have some interesting abilities.
However, I still can’t give you the
job.” The dog jumped down and went to a
copy of the sign and put his paw on the
sentences that told about being an Equal
Opportunity Employer. The manager said
“Yes, but the sign also says that you
have to be bilingual”.

The dog looked at the manager calmly and
said “Meow”.

***

And now for a ‘real’ funny bilingual joke.

Years ago, Charles DeGaulle of France visited Canada. He is still remembered for his ill-mannered and inflammatory shout from a Quebec City hotel window, of, “Vive le Quebec libre.” (Long live Free Quebec.)

Before he arrived, applications were accepted for a post as his driver, to chauffeur him wherever he went.   Aside from the usual requirements, strength, intelligence, firearms and martial arts abilities, driving and map skills, the successful applicant had to be bilingual.

The job was given to Angus MacKinnon, of Nova Scotia, who fluently spoke both English….and Scottish/Canadian Gaelic.

***

Flash Fiction #111

daily-grind

PHOTO PROMPT © Shaktiki Sharma

THE DAILY GRIND

Pablo couldn’t even remember the karmic twists that had brought him from an Ecuadoran coffee plantation, to this firm in New Hampshire.

He was lucky to have this job. He wasn’t lucky to have Robinson as a supervisor.  If he hadn’t stopped to tell Pablo exactly how to do this project, Pablo would’ve finished it already.  Wayne sure did like the sound of his own voice.

It reminded him of the corn-mills his mother had made him turn by hand as a kid – round and round, and round, and round, and nothing came out but a fine, dry, monotonous powder.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Flash Fiction #103

Lamb

PHOTO PROMPT © Sandra Crook

INSOMNIA CURE

Late again, Johnson??!!  You’ve been warned.  You’d better have a good reason, or you’ll be collecting severance papers from HR.

Well, Sir, you know I live outside the city. I even left early this morning, but old man Morton was herding his sheep from one pasture to another, and I had to pull over so I didn’t hit any.

His flock seems to have grown, and I wondered how much, so I started counting them, 287, 288, 289, 290…. I was dreaming of a Simmons mattress – and suddenly it was 9:15.

True story or not, that one lets you stay.   😆

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

 

Tony And Stuff

My buddy Tony sent me another email which included the following warning.  I felt it was worth passing on, so read it and don’t weep.

WARNING FROM POLICE

This is the new thing these days with people out of work and needing cash. Beware, it’s headed our way.

Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!!

Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for gas.. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car.. Then we received this email yesterday:

WARNING FROM POLICE

THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN

BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE–NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)

Heads up everyone! Please, keep this circulating… You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into reverse.

When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window. So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off.

I met another duh-mb checkout clerk the other day.  Perhaps I should find a more politically-correct way to describe these people.  Folks we used to label as retarded are now special.   Disabled people want to be called differently-abled. I remember Dana Carvey as The Church Lady, on SNL, “Isn’t that special?”  “Dis” means not, opposed to, or reverse of.  If an Olympic pole-vaulter can leap 19 feet, and I can only clear 14, that’s differentlyabled.  If you roll up to the pit in your wheel-chair, that’s disabled.

Damn!  Did I mention the Olympics?  I had my eyes closed.  Is it over?  Let’s see, there were 53 events, and 203 countries who didn’t get a gold medal.  That’s an impressive pile of 1219 losers.  Does everybody feel good now?

We drink iced tea like other families drink….other stuff.  Three adults go through just over two liters/Am. quarts per day.  We buy the powder, two or three large cans at a time.  We used to buy the Nestle brand, until a co-worker assured me that one of the supermarkets’ house brand was just as good, at just over half the price.

I went a mile north last week to a plaza with a Dollar Store.  While I was there, I picked up several items at the Food Basics store.  When I looked for their brand of iced tea powder, there was none.  I thought nothing of it.  Different stores carry, or not, different items, based on neighborhood buying patterns.

The next day I went a mile south, to the Food Basics store I usually go to, and found that they also had no large containers of iced tea powder.  I took one small can to tide us over, but it was not as affordable.  I kept my eye out for any male staff, dressed in black.  They are the managers, etc.  I didn’t see any by the time I was ready to check out, so, after I had paid, I asked the girl, “Is there anybody I could speak to about availability of your iced tea powder?”

She snatched up the intercom phone and paged Chris to call 203.  It didn’t feel right already, so I said, “Where is he?  I’ll go speak to him.”  The intercom buzzed, she picked it up and said, “Hey Chris, where’s the iced tea powder?”, and then turned to me, and said, “It’s in aisle three.”  I just checked a can out.  I know that much.  I insisted that it wasn’t, and she got all defensive and said, “Well, that’s what you asked.”  No I didn’t.  I very precisely asked if there was someone I could speak to about availability, not store location, if and when you have it.  She’s probably not dumb, just busy.  People see and hear what they expect to see and hear.  Availability is unusual.  Most people ask about location.

She paged Chris-the-blackshirt again.  He came to the front and explained that their supplier was doing a re-labelling, and all sizes might be off the shelf for up to a month.  Couldn’t they keep producing old-labelled stock until the new packaging was ready, to prevent customer loss and complaints?  Now I’ll have to figure out what the new packaging looks like.  I’ll have to grab a few more of the small cans to get us through, or try the store brand at the nearby Great Canadian Super Store – which isn’t a Zehrs market anymore, nor a Loblaw’s, who bought them out.