If you see me talking to myself, just keep moving….
….I’m self-employed, and we’re having a staff meeting.
I think my wife is showing the first signs of Alzheimer’s….
….She says she can’t remember what she ever saw in me.
What do lazy dogs chase?….
….Parked cars.
I’ve been saying “Mucho” to all my Mexican friends….
….It means a lot to them
They laughed when I told them that one day I would discover the secret of invisibility….
….If only they could see me now
The road to inner peace begins with three words….
….NOT MY PROBLEM
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?….
….None! That’s a hardware issue
Letting the cat out of the bag….
….is a lot easier than putting it back in
Cat puns freak meowt….
….Seriously, I’m not kitten.
What is the cat wizard’s name?….
….Hairy Pawter
What does a cat scientist study?….
….String theory
A man walks into a bar….
….and says, “Ouch!”
A horse walks into a bar….
….and several patrons leave, realizing the potential danger.
If I had a dollar for every joke I’ve told wrong….
….To get to the other side.
I was going to tell a joke about time travel….
….but you didn’t like it
Cliff-hangers are so frustrating….
….They just
They tried to invent a #1 pencil….
….but it was too hard
I will not sleep….
….until I find a cure for my insomnia.
Every time you make a typo….
….the errorists win.
Lost cat….
….return dead or alive to Erwin Schrodinger
Butt weight….
….I went back on my diet today
I called the tinnitus hotline today….
….It didn’t stop ringing
One-armed butlers….
….they can take it, but they can’t dish it out
A termite walks into a bar….
….and says Where’s the bar tender?
I went to an Overthinkers Anonymous meeting….
….Seriously though, why only 12 steps?
