I Confess

confession-box

I went to confession after a long break I was feeling depressed, and life wasn’t going so well, when walking down the street I passed the church. It had been many years since I went to church, and just as long since I last went to the confessional. Perhaps, I thought, getting right with God would help fix my life.

I went into the church, and the dim light and smell of incense brought it all back. I headed for the confession booth and went straight in. Wow, things had changed in all those years.

There was a comfy chair, a small screen TV, the Wi-Fi password. Then I opened the cupboard and inside was a bottle of fine malt scotch, and some cigars! Suddenly the door opened and the priest appeared, and he said sharply “Get out, you’re on my side!”

Or maybe that guy is confessing because….

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”

***

THE LAST SUPPER

And it came to pass that they were having a glass or two of vino. Jesus looked but only saw 11 disciples. Yet in the place of Judas was a six pack of Guinness.
“What is that?”
“That´s Judas´ carry out” replied James.
“Will he be along later?”
“I doubt it,” said Thomas.
“What about some music? Peter you are the Rock star. Play some heavy metal.”
And Lo, Peter did play some Nine Inch Nails.
“Why are you dressed in all of those dark clothes?” asked Jesus.
“I thought it was a Black Sabbath,” said Mathew, Mark, Luke and John.
It was a great night, though later on Peter let himself down a bit; you should never wait up for the cock.
And in the morning, Jesus Swept.

***

Texas
The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

“Yep,” he replied. …. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here
’cause it says: …. ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’ “

***

Ole was talking with his brother Sven, who lived next door, when Sven said, “Ya know Ole, you and Lena should really get some new curtains.” “Vy’s dat?” Ole asked. “Vel last night I saw you and Lena, vel you know…” Ole thought for awhile, then said, “Ha-ha Sven, da yokes on you! I vasn’t even home last night!”

***

On a recent lunch hour, I decided to take a walk down by the harbor. A big wave washed a lawyer off the dock, and he was drowning. Now I was stuck with a moral dilemma. Do I just ignore it, and continue with my lunch – or stay here and watch?

***

 

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A To Z Challenge – T – Redux

april-challenge

When I published my T For Terrific Challenge post,  I made it an interactive one, promising to select one entry from those who gave me a T-word and a prompt, and write a post about it.  Susan Leighton over at Woman On The Ledge was the only one who actually did that, so she wins(?) by default.

Click on the link to her site and ask her why she would do such a thing. I guess I have to go through with this.  Since she’s a Woman On The Ledge, if I reneged, she might jump.

She submitted the word ‘tacky.’ Tacky??! I could write about tacky all day!  I have lots of inspiration.  I could go on at great length about the Kardashians or Donald Trump!  Why not?? They do!

Then she slipped the fine print to me. It had to be about cheesy B-grade movies of the 80s.  Oh, what an embarrassment of riches!  I wanted to do a piece about Clint Eastwood.  From Rowdy Yates on TV’s Rawhide, to talking to an empty chair, Clint has been quite a character over the years, both onscreen, and off.

clint-eastwood

I had hoped to write about his spaghetti westerns, but those were in the 60s and 70s.  I’ll have to go with his Dirt Harry series to get the correct decade.  It doesn’t matter.  They’re indistinguishable.  Like the remaking of the Japanese ‘Seven Samurai’ into the American western The Magnificent Seven, they are all morality plays.

dirty-harry

Everything is black and white. The Good Guys are always good. The Bad Guys are evil, and Right always prevails.  The only difference is that Clint’s character ‘Makes America Great Again’ through the application of justice with a Colt .44 Magnum handgun, instead of a .45 caliber Peacemaker.

The overall theme is to be respected, but the presentation means that each movie contains enough cheese to make me a big plate of nachos. I once watched a network broadcast of, “I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots – or only five?” where the network censors edited out two gunshots to reduce the total violence, rendering the line ridiculous.

The 80s was also the decade when Clint did a couple of Any Which Way But…. movies, where he played second banana to an ill-mannered, incoherent, bright orange orangutan.  This should have been good training for dealing with the recently-crowned inaugurated, Emperor President Donald Trump.

Well, there you have it, ladies and gentlemen, another composition proving that I have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about, and couldn’t generate interest with Doctor Frankenstein’s lightning-rod apparatus. Don’t blame me!  It’s not my fault!  susan Susan made me do it!  😳

Enforced Morality

Badge

Almost a month after I posted my What A Bunch Of Boobs piece, an op-ed letter from a man revealed that the local male constable and the Police Chief, still had not issued an apology to the three topless female bicycle riders. Shortly after, the following letter appeared in the paper.

It’s time to move on

Re; Apology still required – Aug 18

I could not get over Ron Dettweiler’s request for an apology from the officer and chief of police regarding the topless women on bicycles.

It’s over – he has to let it go. Our police are up to their necks with calls on a day-today basis. It’s stressful and they are on a budget too. He can wait and wait, but in my opinion, he will never get an apology in print or otherwise.

You have to look at this issue from other people’s perspective, including those of the police. There are two sides to a coin.

We have to move forward and act like proper ladies and gentlemen in our daily lives, private and public.

Jason Koeppl

***

Hhmmmmmng… That’s the sound of me, biting my tongue. Screw it! I lost the battle.

***

Morality and the law

Re; It’s time to move on – Aug. 26

Jason Koeppl doesn’t seem to understand the difference between enforcing morals, and enforcing the law.

He says that police are busy on a day-to-day basis, and have better things to do than apologise. I agree. They have more important, legal, Police duties to perform than stopping and harassing three young topless female bike riders, who were breaking no law. This is not within their field of business. They could be gentlemen and offer regrets for their mistaken over-reaction.  Public relations and apologies are part of the Chief’s job description.

If Koeppl and/or his priest want to try to enforce morals, I’d like to bicycle down topless to watch, and point and laugh.

Crusty Curmudgeon
The Archon

***

The newspaper opted not to print ‘and/or his priest’, as well as ‘and point and laugh’, probably viewing them as just a bit too acerbic. Can’t be insulting ‘Good Christians’, even when they’re wrong.

I showed my letter to the wife, and we had a lively discussion, every second line of which was, “Yes dear.” Since she may not be the only one who ‘doesn’t get’ what seems obvious to me, it went this way.

“They’re just sluts.”
Yes dear, but that’s not the business of the police.
“They shouldn’t be doing that.”
Yes dear, but the police are busy chasing speeders and donut shop bandits. They don’t have the time or budget to enforce morals.
“Well somebody should force them to put clothes on.”
Yes dear, but they’re not breaking any law, so the police should stay out of it.
“The law should be changed back! I’m going to write my local politician.”
Yes dear, and if and when that happens, the already busy police will have one more non-productive thing to do.
“Somebody should tell them that we aren’t going to stand for this type of behavior.”
Yes dear, grab a priest and head for Speakers’ Corner.
“We don’t need a priest. We just need a bunch of irate, vocal wives.”
Yes dear, I know the power of an irate, vocal wife. 😛

Any thoughts about topless women in public, or whether the police should, or should not, get involved?

Flash Fiction #56

Tunnel

PHOTO PROMPT © Stephen Baum

OUT

Cindy lived in the Bible Belt.  Usually she was very careful what she did and said.  A couple of years ago, a handsome young man had tried to pick her up at the entrance to a club.

She replied, “I’m not straight.”  In a lobby full of smoked-up pill-droppers, that was not unusual, and he persisted.  “No!  I’m not straight.” and Marilyn had come out, and they’d gone home.

Now, the Federal Supreme Court had ruled that her State government could no longer withhold rights and privileges enjoyed by all other citizens.  She and Marilyn were going to get married.

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

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