Every time I publish one of these, Pensitivity101 emails me a calendar. Ever since that Mayan one didn’t work, I don’t really care anymore. Procrastination is the only project that I’ve ever started on time. And now, without further adieu, here’s another friggin’ Fibbing Friday list.
1.What kind of dog was Lassie?
Lassie was a boy dog with a girl’s name. Because of that, he was a lightning-rod for, and the local distributor of, bad luck and karma. Timmy got lost in the woods?? Lassie was there. Timmy fell down a well?? Lassie was there. Timmy was trapped in a burning barn?? Lassie was there! I’d have traded him in for a hedgehog, or at least got his name legally changed.
2. Who was Toto’s owner?
He was the mascot for the band, Kansas. He was even smart enough to play drums for them for a while, but he lost his edge, and started dogging it, and they had to let him go. They said, “You’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.”
3. What breed of dog was Beethoven?
He was a Dutch Chocolate Labrador Retriever. He had a minor role in the movie, Amadeus. He played a harpsichord – but it took a lot of prosthetics and makeup.
4. Who was Goofy’s best buddy?
I was, for a while. We were both in that Dumb And Dumber movie together, but the string on our tin-can telephone broke, and he never calls me anymore.
5. How many dogs starred in The Incredible Journey?
None! They both think that they were stars, but it was really the cat that made the movie. Without his wise guidance, Arf and Woof would still be wandering around, looking for a fire hydrant. Focus guys! Focus!
6. What made Superdog super?
He ate some chili con carne that Walter White made up, on the TV series, Breaking Bad, the day of “the incident. Between the hot peppers and the meth, ANYTHING was possible – higher, faster, longer.
That is narrow-minded, non-critical-thinking claims made by religious fundagelicals. My Karma ran over their Dogma.
That’s the mess of insects that you accumulate when you hang sticky insect strips in the cheap two-week vacation cottage that you rent.
9. Who introduced ‘WALKIES!’ into their training programmes?
The now-ex-pitching coach of the Cincinnati Reds baseball team. The strike zone is 17 inches wide, and about two feet high. Would it be too much to ask, to get the guys to put the ball through that, once in a while?? They were giving so many opponents a base on balls, that it looked like the world’s slowest conga line.
10. What is frontline used for?
That’s a product also known as Invisible Fence. It’s a cable that you bury at the edge of your property, which emits a radio signal. You put a collar on your dog with a receiver. If he/she gets too close, they get tasered behind the ear. Now, if I could just slip a couple of those on that Jehovah’s Witness pair who keep waking my dogs and me on Saturday mornings….