Two old Irishmen were sitting at the local pub
drinking a few beers. So Paddy says to George,
“George me buddy, ol’ pal. When I die could you
pour a couple of beers o’er me grave?”
George says, “Why certainly, but could I strain
it through me kidneys first?”
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At
closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the
car, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys
for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another
five minutes to get the key in the ignition.
Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and
When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting
for him, pulls him over, and gives him a
The test shows he has a blood alcohol level of 0.0.
The cop says, ‘How is this possible?’
The guy says, ‘Tonight I’m the designated decoy.’
A Brit, an Irishman, and a Scot go out to a pub
and order 3 pints. They each find a fly floating
on the top of their mugs.
The Brit pushes the glass aside, and demands another.
The Irishman says, “Get out of there!” and flicks
the fly away with a finger.
The Scot picks up the fly with his fingers, gives it
a wee bit of a squeeze and says,
“Alright, spit it out now, ya little bastard!”
Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are
caused by accidents.