Sshhh! Pensitivity101 wasn’t looking, and I had a chance to snaffle another list of things to lie about, which is better than just being a lazy lay-about lout.
- What is rolling stock?
It’s what a stoner keeps in his pocket – a little more openly, now that Canada has decriminalized the shit – some BC Gold, or Maui Zowie if he can afford it, and Zig-Zags. I used to buy my grass from my German uncle. I would only ask for the weed, just to hear him say, Papers??!
2. What is a rolling deck?
That’s what a professional gambler uses to shear sheep separate the naïve hopeful from their paychecks. In the hands of an adept card-sharp, (No, that isn’t spelled wrong.) those playing cards go more places than an IRS auditor.
3. What is role play?
In the distant past, it was a method of improved, sexual enjoyment. You put on your teeny bikini, and I’ll pretend to be the pool-cleaner guy. Nowadays, it serves a more sedate purpose. I’ll pretend to be Red Riding Hood’s Grandma…. and take a nap in the bed. Don’t disturb me for about an hour.
4. What is ‘on a roll’?
It’s how I want my garlic pork pâté, and baked Brie and red-pepper jelly, served. Fancy crackers are okay, but they should be reserved for cheddar or Oka cheese, or smoked oysters. After I finish grazing my way through the hors d’oeuvres, it’s where my elastic-band track pants rest.
5. What does a rolling stone gather?
It used to be underage, willing eager groupies. These guys have been around so long that recently, a spirit-channeller got a message from a T-Rex, saying, “Enough, already! Retire!” Now, it’s bionic joint transplants, an obituary notice for the one who can read a calendar, and one member’s father’s cremains.
6. What is a rolling boil?
It’s what I reach, listening to/reading these scientifically-illiterate, anti-vaxxer morons.
I don’t want that stuff injected, because Bill Gates will insert tiny robots that can track me and know what I’m doing.
Do you own a Smart-Phone??!
7. What is a rolling pin?
It’s what I hope to see after I toss a ball down a bowling lane. Of course, whereas Canadians are nice guys, (sorry) we don’t have the balls to be bowlers like Americans. Many of us use metric-sized balls to bowl five-pin games.
8. What is a steam roller?
In the big-hair days of the 70s and 80s, it was what stylists used to create body. They wrapped women’s hair around cylinders as big as a beer can, and stuck their heads into a space-suit helmet kind of thing that spewed hot vapor. The beauty-seekers came out as fluffy and moist as rice buns at a Chinese buffet.
9. What is a roller coaster?
Something like the patented Rolls-Cunardly children’s Curb Blaster scooter. It Rolls downhill quite easily, but Cunardly make it up the next slope, so the rider remains just a coaster until the little screen addict actually puts some energy into their transportation.
10. What is a roller skate?
He’s a seldom-seen flat-fish character in the Sherman’s Lagoon comic strip. He’s related to my earlier beach-ape Cruiser character , but didn’t have the ascendancy to evolve into a land creature. He would love to be a high roller – sex, drugs, rock and roll, booze and gambling – but winds up breaded and deep-fried.
I decline to make any more statements, or answer any questions, until my lawyer gets here to inform you that I will be back on the straight and narrow in a couple of days – HONEST! 😉