Flash Fiction #213

Empty Head

THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS

My department supervisor had insisted that I enroll in this self-help course. It was supposed to remove insecurities, and build self-confidence. To do public speaking – delivering a report to a group of executives – we were taught all the tricks, including imagining your audience naked. The cute girl from accounting might be interesting, but the two engineers were ugly.

The instructor said, “Rodney, stand and give the group a 2-minute talk about something that interests you.” I had become fearless. I bravely stood, and stood – and stood…. I couldn’t think of anything. The body was willing, but the mind was weak.

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Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

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30 Day Opinion Challenge

 

Another Challenge

#5 – Five things that irritate you about the same/opposite sex

The first thing that I am irritated by, is the wording of this item. Really?? Blame an entire gender for not one, but five things?

Bell Curve

People are people. Their actions and attitudes fall along a bell-curve. No matter how large or small the group, there is no one thing that ALL of them agree on or do. Like race or religion, you can’t blame the entire group, just because there are some assholes within it – and there are assholes in every group. I prefer to judge people one at a time, on a case by case basis.

What irritates me about people, whether singly or as a group, is where they rub up against others, and do it badly. I am all for self-confidence, but not when it becomes egotism. There generally is no excuse for intolerance, or greed. These are just ways for insecure people to keep score, in a life that should not be lived like a game.

I wondered if I was too easy-going – too laissez-faire, because I couldn’t find five things to be irritated about, by a large group of anonymous strangers. Then I looked back at the things I’ve posted about, and forward at the file of posts I have ready to go. Nah, I’ve got plenty of things that irritate me.

A commenter asked me why I occasionally bother to read posts by Bible-thumping Christians. Why would you expose yourself to that? Because, while they may be irritating, they can also be entertaining and fall-off-the-chair funny.

I read one recently, who claimed that God caused all the evil of Earth to sink to the center, and the compression caused the core to heat up. God then used the molten core for Hell, and the increase in the size of Hell and the heat, caused plate tectonics, and Pangaea to break up. The continuing addition of Earthly evil and condemned souls causes Hell to continue to expand, and the rising heat is the cause of Global Warming. You can’t make this shit up…. although, he did. I don’t know whether to applaud the creativity, or just give him a slap upside the head.

I don’t think that I’ll bother to try to find five irritating things, while the list-writer is busy getting psychological therapy. As a proponent of Inclusion, I think I’ll try to find five ways that we can all just get along. Wanna help?? Drop your suggestions in the comments.  😀

Smitty’s Loose Change #3

Smitty's Loose Change

A Provincial Liberal spin-doctor, trying to justify the amounts of money spent (wasted) by the Government, wrote, “We’ve increased Guaranteed Income Supplement payments for seniors. We’ve started building more roads, bridges and transit to create jobs, and help you get to work on time at the end of a long day.”  Would that be in a cart placed firmly in front of the horse, or is it as we go to our second job, to be able to pay the taxes to replace what they’ve frittered away?

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The above ranks right up there with the sign in the Notre Dame football locker-room that says, “Success is getting up one more time than you’ve been knocked down.” Go ahead, try that.  You haven’t been knocked down, so you only have to get up once….  This success thing is harder than it looks – especially in university mathematics.

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The term for ‘It’s been wrong so often and for so long, that now it’s right, is ‘hypercorrect incorrectness.’ All those who haven’t nodded off, can now pray to have Archon’s OCD cured.

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“The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.” And now I know why I’m so low-key.  I am very comfortable in my own skin.

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Did I miss a language lesson somewhere??? When the Hell did ‘chick’ become ‘chic’?  I collect the occasional misusage, to poke fun at.  This has become endemic.  I see it everywhere! Me and this chic went to a bar. Chic [sheek] means fashionable, stylish, elegant and/or attractive.

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GRAMMAR:
It’s the difference between knowing your shit, and knowing you’re shit.

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While recently celebrating Columbus Day, certain Americans discovered that Canadians were celebrating our Thanksgiving, earlier than the US, because of our shorter growing season. Considerable confusion arose. “Well, do you celebrate Christmas and Easter at the same time we do?”

MSN.ca celebrated with an article titled, ’23 things Canadians say, that Americans don’t understand.’ It included my favorite, poutine (French fries, gravy and grated mozzarella), serviette (paper napkin) and two-four (a case of beer).

I discovered another regionalism, but balked at the quote some Canuck used to explain it. “A washroom is just a polite way of saying bathroom.”  No, it’s not!  As my Grade 5 teacher explained to “that kid”, a room which contains a toilet/urinal, and a sink, is a washroom.  If instead, it contains a tub, or shower stall, it then becomes a bathroom.

‘Restroom’ is an already chi-chi way to describe a place where you can sit down, rest, and take a load off – your feet.  ‘Powder room’ has nothing to do with explosions or demolition.  It’s one of the above, full of euphemism, not powder.  As a comedienne explained, “Women don’t fart, and we don’t sweat.  If we didn’t bitch, we’d explode.”    😆