Flash Fiction #193

box-office-ted-strutz

PHOTO PROMPT © Ted Strutz

ETAIL/RETAIL

The world, she is a-changin’. Nothing is sure but death and taxes, and a photo with two adjacent signs which say ‘Pine’ ‘BOX’, make that evident. Did Amazon become successful because retail chains failed, or are retail chains failing because Amazon successfully serves the market?

Where does Amazon get all its boxes? Where stores were once required to compress and dispose of cardboard packaging, now my garage is full of little boxes. Amazon could come around and pick up a bunch of ‘em.

I bought a cross-cut shredder to protect from identity theft, but I won’t buy a damned compactor.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Friday Fictioneers

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WOW #43

Igloo

Coming soon to a vocabulary near you, that ‘Only In Canada You Say?’, hot, trending, soon to be on everyone’s lips, word,

Goosfraba

EH??! WTF! Goose barf? – are Canadian birds getting sick? No, no, silly, it’s an Eskimo word…. Oops, that’s become very un-PC. They can get quite upset (hard to tell under all those furs) and smack you with a slab of whale blubber…. It’s a word that the Inuit use to quiet and calm down their children.

Polar Bear

It’s also a word that the Inuit use during sex. Google would not tell me what it means, or how it’s used. I can only imagine. “Take it easy, Nanook. Don’t be gettin’ too jiggy with it. You’ll wake the polar bear.”

Because it is used in a calming manner, it has been adopted in the anger management sector, at least in Canada, and the north-eastern United States. So, the next time you complete your community service hours, and head off for your court-mandated counseling, be prepared to get slapped with a chunk of seal meat go bilingual, with a soothing word from a group of people who are the epitome of cool. 😎

Flash Fiction #177

pasta

CHEESE-WHIZ

Young Billy and his best buddy Bob, loved all cheese.  One Saturday, they ate at East Side Mario’s.  They ordered different pastas, so Bobby’s came out first.  The waitress assured Bill that his would arrive soon, but first, would Bob like some parmesan grated on his??

She ground, and ground – and GROUND.  “Say when.”  Bob eventually raised a hand.

Bill said, “I love cheese even more than him.  You’ll need a new block.”

“Don’t challenge me.  I just went to the Gym.”

By the time she grated the new block, you could almost see the fettuccini on his plate.

***

PHOTO PROMPT © Russell Gayer

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Friday Fictioneers

I. Q. Optional

Answers = $1.00
Answers which require thought = $2.00
Correct answers = $5.00
Dumb looks are still free!

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.  Think!  Damn it. Think!

The Kindly Hermudgeon had a post recently about the asshattery that she went through trying to get an item at the correct price from Toys R Expensive Us.  It took three clerks, in two stores, but, I had an afternoon which almost matched hers.

The thing which most irritated me was not that there was an error.  It was not even that they didn’t see what the error was, and kept compounding it.  What really blew the wind up my kilt was the lack of concern for a customer’s problem and needs.  Ain’t the customer always right?  For at least one of these clerks, the customer didn’t even exist.

The wife and I went out to do a bit of shopping.  A couple of the things we wanted were on sale at two stores in a nearby plaza.  Being Canadian, we first went to Canadian Tire.  For Americans, these are like an Ace Hardware or a Target store.  They started years ago with automotive parts, and now sell everything from sporting goods to groceries.  We needed toilet paper, so that you can’t claim I’m full of s**t.  They had 24-packs of Charmin, Extra-soft, in blue packs or Extra-strong, in red packs, for $8.88.  There were none on the shelves but, as we gained the center aisle, there was a display of Charmin.  I grabbed a red pack and threw it into the cart with the other Items.  The wife noticed that these packs were 16s, and selling for $9.88.  Not as good as 24 for $8.88, but still a decent price.  If these were in a separate display, perhaps the 24s were too, so I went to customer service to ask where I might find them.  She paged someone and asked if there was a display.  After about five minutes she got a reply back that there were none on the shelf.  That’s Not What We Asked!!

The wife and I went to check out.  As the TP was scanned, the wife noticed that we were charged $10.99, rather than the shown price of $9.88.  She told the clerk that she wanted it priced at the displayed amount.  Little Miss Snippy-Nose informed us that, “Sometimes people just put the wrong stuff with the sales items.”  I told her that this was a store display, with at least twenty of each type in the big pile.  She paged someone to go check.  As we waited for a reply, the wife reminded her that it was in the center aisle.  She told whoever answered that we wanted to know if the red packs in the center aisle were displayed at $9.88.  Three minutes later, we got the reply that there were none on the shelf.  Again she asked the other clerk if the red packs in the center aisle display were priced at $9.88.  Two minutes later, the clerk showed up with a blue pack in her hand.  I asked her why she had brought it.  “Well, she said you wanted the one that was $9.88.  That’s what this one came up.”  THAT’S NOT WHAT SHE ASKED!!

I took the blue pack from her hand and told her to follow me.  We went to the display, and I pointed to the big price sign and said, “Does that say that all these packs are for sale at $9.88??”  She whipped out her radar gun and zapped a blue pack.  “It says that these come up $9.88.”  “What about the red ones??”  She zapped one of those.  “These come up $9.99.”  “$9.99??  Then why does the checkout want to charge me $10.99?”  “Oh, sometimes there’s a computer error.”  “That’s what I’ve been saying all along.  I want to buy my package for the $9.88 that’s shown here.”  “Well, what do you want ME to do?” (whine, whine)  “I want you to go to the checkout and tell the clerk that they are shown at $9.88, and tell her to do whatever is necessary with the till, to accomplish that!”

When I left, there were three or four potential customers behind us.  When I got back, I was not surprised to find the line empty.  Perhaps that was what had caught the attention of the mature, female, check-out manager.  She looked at the clerk that I had led by the nose.  “Are they displayed at $9.88?”  “Yes, ma’am.”  She looked at the checkout clerk.  “Highlight the item. Void it. Punch in the product code.  Push Over-ride and enter the correct amount.”  See how easy it was?  From start to finish, I wasted half an hour for $1.11.  Paid at less than two and a quarter an hour.  I’m 67.  I don’t have that many half-hours to waste any more.

We finally took our correctly priced merchandise, placed it in the trunk of our car and drove across the parking lot to the Shoppers Drug Mart on the other side.   Local politicians, eager to appear eco-friendly, have passed laws allowing stores to charge five cents for plastic bags.  Many stores sell their own shopping bags.  My wife is a bit compulsive.  Usually we can’t go into a Wal-Mart with a Staples bag, but this time we took in two Canadian Tire bags, to hold some chips that were on sale.

I put the two shopping bags down first, so that she wouldn’t pack in plastic. Then I put a couple of bags of chips on the counter, and turned and leaned into the cart to get more, when the clerk asked me a question.  I just received two, brand-new, electronic hearing-aids.  I heard what she said, but the question was so stupid that I must have misunderstood.  I asked her to repeat it, and she said, “Are these new, or are they yours?”  She had her hand on my shopping bags, and had pushed them down the counter until they were touching the display of Shoppers Drug Mart bags.

“They are not new, and they are mine.”  “Oh I just wondered if you wanted to buy them.”  I pointed to the display she was touching.  “Mine are cloth.  They are black, and they have a Canadian Tire logo on them.  Yours are plastic.  They are green.  They are three-quarters the size of mine and they have Shoppers Drug Mart logos on them.”  “Oh. I didn’t look.”

Despite the fact that my Neurologist told me that I don’t have one, as Jeff Foxworthy says, “What does an aneurism feel like?”  After an afternoon of service (?) like that, I’m pretty sure I could work one up.