No need to blame Pensitivity101 for all the sins of the anonymous blogger. This week, I’m going with collective nouns. These came in via my pension newsletter this month.
Can you ‘invent’ what creature or something else would apply in the following…
- A walk of …………Ads about running shoes/trainers/court shoes/high-tops, on TV and YouTube videos. Avia, Converse, Nike, Adidas and Reebok, heel to toe, all stepping on each other’s feet, trying to get a bigger market share, and keeping third-world sweatshop children busy.
2. A bed of …………. Organic, Hipster, vegan-restaurant, salads – made with healthy, wholesome things like chia sprouts, kale, radicchio, and other items which are impossible to identify, pronounce, spell or swallow, that fell off a pig-farm feed truck.
3. A horde of …………. Inane, unusable attempts to conjure up an intelligent, interesting, and amusing – Lie Your Face Off Theme. I had to settle, as I have done too often in the past, for a large, cold, disappointing serving of If You Can’t Fix It – Feature It! 😳
4. A bike of …………..two-wheeled urban couriers, flitting and fluttering like butterflies, darting in and out of traffic like barn swallows. Sadly, an incautiously-opened car door, or an arrogant, impatient cab-driver, too often can suddenly change all this exercise and speed, fresh air and exhilaration from two-wheeled freedom and fulfilment, into four-wheeled disability.
5. A rhumba of ………..Dance steps. Congratulations! You’ve won five free lessons at Bo-Jangles Dance Studio (Even though you didn’t enter any contest, and the telemarketer only called because your number was the next in sequence.) To claim your prize, bring along your credit card, and your reluctant husband, in case you wish to sign up for the advanced course.
6. A shrewdness of …………. A failed group of “Make Trump President Again’ supporters. They got as far as ordering the hats – although MTPA doesn’t have the same impact as MAGA – before they were hit with a restraining order from a dictionary, barring them from using the term. It was, be an “Ironic,” or nothing.
7. A raft of ……………..Mark Twain stories about Huck Finn, and Jim the runaway slave.
8. A mess of …………….complaints about army food – mostly from guys who had to peel a hundred pounds of potatoes on KP duty. Drop your socks and grab a spud, bud.
9. A huddle of ……………ESPN football announcers and game analysts. They’re busy watching the backfield in motion of the visiting team’s cheerleaders, when they’re not on-camera.
10. A family of……………….Plastic Surgeons R Us LLC, causing silicone supply chain problems while exclusively serving the Kardshians. They took the ‘Kan’ out of Kanye West, and added it to Kim’s ample bosom. “Ye”-God! 😳
I’ll dress it up with tinsel, or glitter, or Easter eggs, but, the truth is, there’ll be more of the usual on Monday. Stop by anyway. Watching me circling the drain might be entertaining. 😯