Skool Daze


My wife asked me to help prepare our 4-year-old for his first day at school….
….So I stole his lunch

Whenever it rains, my wife just stands at the window looking sad….
….Do you think I should let her in?

If anyone knows how to fix broken hinges….
….My door is always open.

There’s nothing like a brisk fall morning….
….To keep me in bed till noon.

There’s no excuse for laziness….
….But if you find one, let me know.

What did the drunk driver die of?….

I just tripped over my wife’s bra….
….It was a booby trap

Where do you take someone who’s been injured in a peek-a-boo accident?….
….To the I.C.U.

Doctor: I’m sorry, I had to remove your colon….
….Me Why

Did you know that before the crowbar was invented….
….Crows had to drink alone, at home.

Instant gratification….
….Takes too long.

I admit that I live in the past….
….But only because the housing is so much cheaper.

If you are not yelling at your kids….
….You are not spending enough time with them.

USER: The word computer professionals use….
….When they mean idiot.

As soon as the hospital put me in one of those little gowns….
….I knew the end was in sight.

It is better to live one day as a lion….
….Than 100 years as a sheep.

The lion shall lie down with the lamb….
….But the lamb won’t get much sleep.

Bigamy is having one wife too many….
….Monogamy is the same thing.

I have Van Gogh’s ear for music.

They say that marriages are made in Heaven….
….But then, so are thunder and lightning.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food….
….He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

The only flair I have, is in my nostrils.

People who think they know everything….
….Are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Be careful about reading health books….
….You might die of a misprint.

Johnny, where’s your homework?….
….Still inside the pencil.

I like local jokes….
….They’re right up my street.

I felt uncomfortable, driving into the cemetery….
….The GPS declared, “You have reached your final destination.”

Donald Trump

When I was young, I was told that anyone could become President….
….I’m beginning to believe it.

I didn’t realize how unsocial I was until there was a pandemic….
….And my life didn’t really change all that much.

WOW #61


The planets have aligned, so it’s a propitious time for me to tell you that we Virgos are very skeptical, and don’t believe in all that Astrology BS.  Rochelle’s weekly FF picture didn’t provide me with any inspiration or creativity, but she did donate a lovely word for a WOW post.


an alignment of three celestial objects, as the sun, the earth, and either the moon or a planet:

A, I, and O (like O Canada, or O beautiful for spacious skies, in America The Beautiful – not Oh!), are the only words in the English language with no consonants in them – although U, in text-speak seems to be coming on strong.

SYZYGY is the longest word with no true vowels.  It is followed by slyly, and the kids, shy, sly, spy, sty, sky, try, fly, fry, why, cry, by, archaic thy, nymph, and lymph, as well as the crafty lynx. (Have I forgotten any?)  For many years, I thought – and I still wish – that it was pronounced sigh-zih-gee, so that it would demonstrate all three possible sound options for the almost-vowel, Y.  Sadly, it utters the more prosaic, sih-zih-gee.

It has a couple of other, even less common meanings:
Classical Prosody. a group or combination of two feet, sometimes restricted to a combination of two feet of different kinds.
any two related things, either alike or opposite.

Does this mean that an ash tray, and a frying pan, somehow have a SYZYGY, because they are both objects in my house that people put something into??!  😯

Ahh, English; that beautiful, yet bizarre language.  You don’t have to be crazy to want to try to learn how to speak/write it.  We will train you.  😳  I am also trying to train you to stop back again next week.  Whoever finds and drags back Erato, my muse, before I need her for next week’s Flash Fiction, receives a complementary serving of French toast.  😀

’20 A To Z Challenge – C

A To Z ChallengeLetter C







Technological obsolescence! It’s a term to describe things that we no longer do or own, because our rapidly accelerating science-driven lifestyle has replaced them with something newer, although not always better. (Remember Windows Vista?) 😯 We’re on generation 12 of Smart phones, and the Chinese are providing the 5G cell phone system to run them on, as well as COVID19.

The telephone operator lost her job when dial phones came into existence. The dials turned into push-buttons, and the push-buttons morphed into touch screens. The poor English language is having trouble keeping up with it all.

Let me introduce you, and then say good bye, to


Spasm of the muscles of the hand, as in writers’ cramp.

Now there’s an expression that you don’t hear any more. It was common for hundreds of years, from religious monks inscribing Bibles, up to school children frantically composing essays for English class all desperately, tightly, clutching quills, pens and pencils, till their hands cramped.

Then, along came the electronic age, with its word-processors and keyboards. Archaic old chirospasm and writer’s cramp have been replaced by hunched-over-the-keyboard data-entry shoulders, and your cell-phone-toting grandson’s texters’ thumb.

Fortunately, I have never sprained or strained either of my middle fingers, the ones so necessary to communicate with taxi drivers and politicians. That would be the only physical disability which might affect my capacity to express myself, although I am just an amateur, compared to some of the old masters.

Salmon Arm Salute IISalmon Arm Salute

From his seat inside a private rail car during a vacation in Salmon Arm, BC with his children on August 8, 1982, Pierre Trudeau, then the Prime Minister of Canada, gave the finger to protesters in Salmon Arm, British Columbia, earning the incident the nickname the “Salmon Arm salute”. The gesture itself has also been nicknamed the “Trudeau salute.”


Our young drama teacher ski instructor Prime Minister learned at the knee of one of the (self-described) greatest.

WOW #29

Fuck It

I was going to publish this post earlier, but I didn’t remember to.   😳  A previous A To Z was about the word “Forgettery.”  This one’s about the same thing, just with the slightly more upscale name of


The act of forgetting Oblivescence dates from the late 19th century and is a later spelling of obliviscence, which dates from the late 18th century. The spelling oblivescence arose by influence of the far more common suffix -escence. The English noun is a derivative of the Latin verb oblīviscī “to forget,” literally “to wipe away, smooth over.” The Latin verb is composed of the prefix ob- “away, against” and the same root as the adjective lēvis “smooth.”

Oblivescence has such a rich, round, regal sound to it. Today’s modern society is so chock-full of need-to-know technical knowledge, that the history, pride and good manners of our more elegant past are being forgotten.  There was a time when you could call another man a liar without calling him a liar, by saying that his claim was ‘mendacity, Sir.

Today’s schoolchildren are not taught to add, subtract, multiply or divide. Rather, they are trained to use a calculator.  There’s one inside every computer and Smart phone. “Siri, how much is 12 times 17?” They are not taught cursive writing, but rather how to use a keyboard, or even a little touchscreen.  Kids have forgotten how to pick up and use pencils, pens and crayons, but will soon evolve powerful thumbs from texting.

We have forgotten how to debate, or even how to have a polite conversation with those who don’t totally agree with us. Society has forgotten good manners and tolerance.  We, as writers, should attempt to help others recall kind acceptance.  Remember what your Mother taught you; “Play nice with others!”   😀

Lost And Found

Some people can handle electronic communication.  Most people can’t even handle reality.  I notice, among those blogs I read, that some folks are connected just about every way there is to be connected.  Besides the blog, there is Facebook, and Pinterest, and Stumbledupon, and, and….you know who you are, and all the ways you have for others to feed your egos.

Every day there are more videos of inattentive fools walking into fountains, and light poles and each other.  I watched one walk off the edge of a train platform yesterday.  He really smashed his left knee on the edge of the platform, and then banged his shoulder and head on the steel rail.  Ontario has passed a law prohibiting the use of handheld electronic devices by the driver of a vehicle.

The Mayor of Toronto was photographed reading a document while driving to work.  A newspaper columnist asked if it was not illegal to take a picture of him while driving, but it could well have been a passenger who did so.  There was a small plane crash in British Columbia, which killed the pilot who was thankfully, the sole occupant.  The best guess for a cause was that he was texting while flying.  “Hey, Bob, do clouds have lumps in them?  IMHO LMFAO LOL WTF?”  Splat!

The Region of Waterloo and the twin cities of Kitchener and Waterloo are proceeding with light-rail transit.  This was started a few years ago, when both the local and world economies were in much better shape.  Despite the economic down-turn, they are determined to forge ahead.

We will get our own tax money back from the Provincial and Federal governments to cover about two-thirds of the projected cost, and be responsible for the balance ourselves directly.  We are told that it will cost nine hundred thousand dollars, so the local taxpayers will have to pay three hundred grand, but what government project ever came in, even close to budget?  My bet is that it will run a billion and a quarter, and taxes will rise.

We were also told at the beginning, that this was to provide needed transportation upgrades, but independent studies have proved that to be a lie.  Politicians lying to us??!  I’m appalled!!  They have finally admitted that this is a scheme to improve the city cores.  Old stores have been converted to condos downtown.  We convinced two departments of the big community college to build near the city hall, and an old tannery building has been converted to high-tech offices, including a local Google branch.  All very nice, but it’s going to cost!

The city has been busy trying to expropriate bits of land for right-of-ways, and stations.  They wanted to hack the front off one property for road widening, and found that the city already owned the strip in question.  Further to the south, they took bits off several properties, until they came to one particular piece.  They only needed an inches-wide strip, just over a square yard off this narrow property.  Found, one un-claimed piece of land!  Lost, the legal owner!

A century ago, a business-man and his wife established and owned a well-known local soft-drink company.  At that time, it was way out past the edge of the city.  Now, of course, it’s well within city boundaries, and right where they want to run the street-railroad.  The plant is long since torn down and the property sold.  This narrow lot may have been part of the land their home sat on, but it was never sold.  The newspaper article says, “It doesn’t even have an address.  It sits between 530 and 534.”  Then, wouldn’t it be number 532?  What it doesn’t have, is a building with a visible number on it.

The plant was sold in 1944, and the newspaper says there has been no commercial activity for that location for 68 years, no sales, no purchases, no leases, no building permits.  Does anybody notice what I noticed?  No tax notices mailed, no taxes paid and nobody asking why not.  The longer it lasts, the deeper it gets buried.  Did no-one, in sixty-eight years, think to ask about it?

The only son and his wife are both long dead, and childless.  The city is asking the public’s help in locating any possible heirs.  The two adjoining properties don’t accrue ownership, but may have acquired easement rights.  Oh!  This one is going to be a long, complicated and expensive problem, all for a couple of inches off the front.  Why not just seize it for unpaid back taxes?

The city is receiving assistance from a local historian named rych mills.  That’s pronounced Rich and, like k. d. lang, he doesn’t capitalize his artsy name.  The paper has told us in previous articles where he was involved, that he doesn’t capitalize his name….and then they capitalize it in the articles.

The section of town where this property is, is our skid row, populated by hookers, drug dealers and users, three tattoo parlors and a methadone clinic.  I can understand the city hoping to improve it, but, will it just move the problem somewhere else?  Is anyone else old enough to have seen the Jack Lemmon movie, Days of Wine and Roses?  His girlfriend lives in a terrible New York tenement apartment, infested with cockroaches.  He bug-bombs the apartment, to drive them out, and almost gets attacked by the residents of neighboring apartments where he drives the bugs.