Since so many people like a drumstick at Thanksgiving, geneticists developed a six-legged turkey. No-one knows what it tastes like because they can’t catch one.
A collection of quotes about Thanksgiving, from people you may know.
I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had a big feast, and then I killed them all and took their land.
Thanksgiving is an emotional time. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they see only once a year – and then discover that once a year is way too often.
Cooking tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil – and throw them out.
Thanksgiving, man, not a good day to be my pants.
I took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat. ‘Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?’ ‘But we do that every day!’ ‘Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy the hell out of us?
If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkey. There’s turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Someone needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself.
Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread and pumpkin pie.
If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed—like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.
Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.
Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, Blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?
We’re having something different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.
Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas
You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.
If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.
I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table. That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.
Thanksgiving is America’s national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.
An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.
I’m from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just another Thursday with more food. And I’m thankful for that!
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise obesity statistics.
Here in my city, the Canadian Thanksgiving becomes the first weekend of a 9-day Oktoberfest, where over-drinking and overeating go hand-in-hand, like Hansel and Gretel. I am thankful that I don’t have to drive through that insanity anymore. If you’ve seen one drunk guy with bare legs, in leather shorts – you’ve seen one too many.