Tell Me If You’ve Heard This One – VII

I put up the image that says that I Love English, but most of these words come from Latin, Greek, French, Hawaiian, Scottish and Spanish.  English loves immigrants – voluntary or not.  😀

‘a’ā  – [ah-ah] (Hawaiian) Basaltic lava having a rough surface
Mount Kilauea’s ‘a’ā surface flow made for a difficult hike.

ARETE – The aggregate of qualities, as valor and virtue, making up good character
He demonstrated arête by rescuing the kitten from the tree.

ARGUS-EYED – having keen sight, vigilant, watchful
It was important that the sentry was argus-eyed, guarding the castle against foes.
Argus – late Middle English: from Latin, from Greek Argos, the name of a watchman in Greek mythology who had a hundred eyes. After he was killed by Hermes, Hera used his eyes to decorate the peacock’s tail.

BLITHESOME – lighthearted, merry, cheerful
The children’s birthday party had a blithesome atmosphere.

CAŇADA – No, no!  Not my favorite Home and Native Land
(Spanish) A small, deep canyon [kuh n-yah-duh]
Actor Ron Canada isn’t from The Great White North.  He came from a hole in the ground in Mexico.

E-TAILING – The selling of goods and services on the internet or through email solicitation
As long as they don’t wake me, or tie up my phone, trying to sell me duct-cleaning in Pakistani.

GERONTOCRACY – Government by a council of elders
A governing body consisting of old people
A state or government in which old people rule
Despite being one, I was going to say that the old farts have screwed things up enough, let the younger ones have a chance.  Then Canada elected [Trudeau Junior], and the Woke stupidity started to really pile up.

GLABELLA – The flat area of bone between the eyebrows, used as a craniometric point
He had a unibrow, a straight line across his glabella.

GLAIKIT – foolish, giddy, flighty
Scottish author Irvine Welsh’s stories are filled with glaikit – the strange and particularly clownish behavior of his Glaswegian characters.

HYPOGEAL – underground, subterranean
Plants that show hypogeal germination grow relatively slowly, especially in the first phase.

NETIQUETTE – The rules of etiquette that apply when communicating over computer networks, especially the internet
Internet trolls display little to no netiquette, often insulting others online.

PARTRICIAN – A person of noble or high rank; aristocrat
A patrician by birth, she was seen as a suitable match for the prince.
Note!  Does not apply to Meghan Markle – see courtesan, or gold-digger

PATULOUS – spreading widely from the center
The tree’s patulous branches gave the family a lot of shade.

SHIPPEN – Dialectical, British – a cow barn, or cattle shed
The cattle had to seek shelter in the shippen before the storm arrived.

TABERNACLE – A house of worship; specifically, a large building or tent used for evangelistic purposes
A receptacle for the consecrated elements of the Eucharist, especially an ornamental locked box used for reserving the Communion hosts.
Also – a swear-word-light, often used by predominantly French-speaking Canadians.

VERJUICE – An acid liquor made from the sour juice of crab-apples, unripe grapes, etc., formerly much used for culinary and other purposes

WHOOP-DE-DO – [hoop-dee-doo – hwoop – woop]
Lively and noisy festivities, merrymaking
The festive party was their annual New Year’s Eve whoop-de-do.

I just got the word that enough is enough, and it’s time to move on.  1960’s garage rock says that Surfin’ Bird is the word.  Have a listen.  😀

’22 A To Z Challenge – N

 

NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST!

Now that I have your attention….  I got nothing.  😳

I would like to believe that Vladimir Putin won’t go as far as to start lobbing nukes, just because he can’t get his petulant, entitled way, and take possession of a chunk of Europe best known for its export of strippers and mail-order brides.  I think that he will come to his senses prior to that point, but I’ve been wrong before.

He guaranteed his sycophantic nincompoop BFF, The Donald Trump, an uninterrupted supply of future trophy wives, and we all saw how much and how often his reign term in office went bad.

I used the word nincompoop intentionally.  It has come to have a soft, inept, amusing, meaning, but it came from the Latin, non compos mentis – not in one’s right mind, crazy, F**king insane!

I once read an article by an American writer (Whom I did not know was American), in the (Canadian) Macleans Magazine, which described a Canadian politician as a

NUMSKULL

I agreed with his assessment, but sent him a snippy email which read, “It’s numbskull, not numskull, you numbskull.”  He responded with considerable restraint and grace, telling me that he put a B in the word when he submitted it, but that someone at the magazine had edited it out, apparently to make room to add a U to one of his other words, to make it ‘colour.’

NEVER MIND

I felt like such a nitwit.  😳

37th-Day Adventist Fibbing Friday

This is Pensitivity101’s Pass The Buck version of Fibbing Friday.  Thanks to Jim Adams who supplied the questions this week. You can check out his blog here.

  1. Why did all the dinosaurs die?

Fred Flintstone opened an automobile dealership, and sold cars to almost all of them.  T-Rex had trouble steering his, because of his short arms.  Then a Brontosaurus learned how to make fern wine.  Within a couple of years, dinosaur drunken driving accidents had reduced their numbers below the breeding survival limit.  They didn’t want to admit that they were a bunch of saurian sots.  They blamed it on a single meteor, but really, it was Fords, Meteors, Monarchs, and a few Taunuses.

  1. Why are there so many stories about the great flood?

What with Global Warming, wildfires and decades-long droughts, it’s just a way for people to fondly remember the good old days when illegal Mexican immigrants needed at least a raft, or an inner tube, to sneak across the Rio Grande into Texas.  Now they can do it with a skateboard.

On the other hand, if Iceland’s glaciers continue to melt, and sea levels rise, London’s East Enders will be living on houseboats, and Paris will be a deep-water port.

  1. What happened at Hadrian’s Wall?

A drunken Scotsman (Are there any other kinds?) fell off it, while trying to get over it on his way home from the pub.  He landed on his sporran, spraining it badly, and dropped his takeaway packet of chips and Scottish egg.

  1. How long was the hundred years war?

576 miles, 3089 feet, 7 ¾ inches.  Any longer than that, and it would have reached past the Maginot line, into Germany – and we all know how grumpy those folks can get when you interrupt their Oktoberfest parade.

  1. Why was it all quiet on the western front?

There was a COVID-caused supply chain problem, and an entire shipment of hearing-aid batteries were not allowed across the border, because the truck driver was a vaccine-denier, who refused to wear a mask.

  1. What was the Boxer Rebellion all about?

That was when I firmly put my foot down when the wife tried to get me to change over to bikini briefs.  The very idea! 😳   At my age my underwear has to cover a lot of territory.  I just silently (But very rebelliously) declined to buy any.

  1. What caused the Titanic to sink?

Leonardo DiCrapio’s enormous ego.  If he hadn’t been standing up at the bowsprit with his arms spread, doing an impersonation of Amelia Earhart, the ship’s pilot might have been able to see past his swelled head, and avoided that delivery of ice for the ship’s bar.

  1. Why do they want us to remember the Main?

Americans would like Brits to remember that it was a battleship named after the State of Maine.  Its sinking in the Havana harbour in 1898 was the putative cause of the Spanish/American War – the first made- for- television newspaper conflict.  Publisher/producer William Randolph Hearst told a photographer who was on the scene, “You get me the photographs.  I’ll get you the war.”  😯

  1. What happened to Amelia Earhart?

She was originally Flighty Spice, the 6th member of The Spice Girls, but she became so embarrassed that she got plastic surgery, changed her name, and came back as Britney Spears – far less demeaning.

  1. Who was involved in the Iran Contra scandal?

If you can believe the testimony, – and who would think that anyone, especially respected American politicians, would lie under oath?Nobody was involved!  It was all just a fig newton of our collective imagination, and never really occurred at all.

Walk This Way

We all do it, to some extent.  Christians do it more than Atheists.  What is IT??!

“IT” is to assume that other people think, feel, and act just like you do.

It is like comparing British English to American English.  The words are the same, but the conclusions they reach and the information they convey, are vastly different.  I think that I felt it, but I had it clearly pointed out to me by a young, Atheist YouTuber.

He had been raised as a fervent, evangelical Catholic.  In his teens, he began to question!!  By twenty, he admitted that he had become an Atheist.  His Bible-thumper Mother was appalled, and tried to lure/force him back.

First, she accused him of “Just blindly believing what those Atheist books say.”because she blindly believed in a book.  He explained that he had not read most of the books she was worried about, and the couple that he had, he had not read until after he had declared himself an Atheist.

While he had not read the evil Atheist books, and had arrived at his position through years of careful study and research, she then accused him of just unquestioningly accepting the non-religious claims of Atheists who establish themselves in authority – because she unquestioningly accepts the self-declared authority of The Catholic Church.

I recently listened to a Christian apologist try to wiggle out from under an Atheist complaint about the Christian concept of infinite punishment in Hell, for the finite crime of not believing.  His justification was that, the infinite punishment was not for merely not believing, but that Atheists die, and go to be judged, and are cast into Hell, and the infinite punishment is because, even in Hell, they continue to ‘deny God.’

I find this apologist scenario preposterous.  Any Atheist who dies, expecting to just fade out, who finds his spirit, his soul, his consciousness, his personality, still coherent and miraculously transported to Heaven, faces God, is condemned to Hell, and who is suffering horrible tortures – would admit to observed reality and accepted truth – not petulantly continue to ‘deny God,’ whatever that means.  But the Christian apologist believes that the Atheist would – because he would!

Frank Turek, a Christian debater, whose slick, used-car-salesman face beams down from the top of this post, was asked if there was any information or argument that might make him change his mind.  He responded with a Bible verse which orders the loyal to reject anything which might cause them to doubt.  No matter how reliable, proven, or convincing the facts and evidence are, Turek and his ilk will simply deny it!  😳

To even try for a non-believer to have a discussion with a Christian about morals/morality, seems doomed to failure.  It will not become a debate or a conversation.  It is like two solitudes, shouting past each other.

The Christian will allege that there are Objective Morals, things which are good or evil, whether or not people exist.  Without any evidence that either of them exists, they claim that God defines and enforces morals, despite the fact that great swathes of Good Christians disregard and disobey them, filling prisons, divorce courts and rehab facilities.

The very words morals, and morality have been hijacked by Christian debaters.  Like sin, they are something that their God wants mankind to do, or not do.  Atheists have ethics, and evolution-induced empathy.  If Atheists can get Christians to agree that reduction of harm and increase in happiness and wellbeing is an acceptable subjective basis, then we have Objective Atheist Morals, and all without God.

Holy One-Liners

 

TV evangelists….
….do more than lay people.

People treat me like a God….
….They ignore my existence until they need something from me.

I hope I never get addicted to skiing….
….That can be a slippery slope.

The mailman just told me a joke….
….It wasn’t very funny, but he delivered it well.

When you die, people cry and beg you to come back….
….but when you do, there’s screaming and running.

Thieves stole twenty cases of Red Bull….
….I don’t know how these people can sleep at night.

My drug test came back negative….
….My dealer has some real explaining to do.

There’s no official training for trash collectors….
….They just pick things up as they go.

My wife wanted to learn to drive….
….I didn’t stand in her way.

The shinbone is a device….
….for locating furniture in a dark room.

I went to an acupuncturist….
….When I got home, my voodoo doll was dead.

Time may be a great healer….
….but it’s a lousy beautician.

Spiders are the only web designers….
….who are happy when they have a bug.

So, a burglar broke into the house….
….I put a red dot on his chest, and the cat did the rest.

If God had meant for us to vote….
….He would have given us candidates.


You read my doormat….
….That’s enough social interaction for today.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes….
….so she gave me a hug.

Day 12 without chocolate….
….Lost hearing in my left eye.

A dog accepts you as the boss….
….A cat wants to see your resume.

OOPS….
….Did I roll my eyes out loud?  😳

36-24-36 Fibbing Friday

Pennsitivity101 is going with Alter Egos this week.
Prominent figures, but who would you match as their alter ego?

  1. Boris Johnson

Bozo the Clown.  No-one would suspect that one orange-haired, goofy-talking fool was really a different orange-haired, goofy-talking fool.  The only danger might be that there would accumulate a critical mass of inane silliness, and we could have a political and philosophical meltdown, and a severe case of Estonia Syndrome – because China wouldn’t want anything to do with it.
2.  Madonna

Mae West.  The bloom is off Madonna’s rose.  The line, ‘Come up and see me sometime.’ is beginning to sound a little desperate.
3.  Victoria Beckham

The Wicked Witch of the West.  Don’t tell me that you haven’t thought that too!  😳  “Fly, my pretties – and bring me back all the profits that my Nigerian Prince scams legitimate businesses earn.”
4.  Roger Federer.

John McEnroe.  Finally, Roger the quiet, Roger the stoic, Roger the well-mannered, could let his internal Dennis the Menace loose once in a while.
5.  James Bond

Thomas Stewart, owner/proprietor of the finest artisanal oat-based vodka distillery in all of Scotland.  ‘Tell the Sassenachs that it’s exclusive and eco-friendly, with a low carbon footprint, and soon they’ll be at Hadrian’s Wall, throwing Pounds and Euros at Glencoe, to purchase it.  They will be shaken – and stirred.
6.  Ebenezer Scrooge

Stay-Puft, the Marshmallow Man.  Give him a little scare three times in one night and he goes all soft and mushy and sweet.  If this keeps up, soon I’ll be the only grumpy old dude left.  😉
7.  H.G. Wells

Project manager for Jeff Bezos’ Blue Origin space project.  He could show them how to actually get off their butts, and off the surface of the planet.
8.  Agatha Christie

Madame DeFarge.  Actually, Agatha Christie has caused more deaths, as she sat knitting, knitting, knitting her devious murder plots together.
9.  Liberace

A bank manager.  A critic once savaged one of Lee’s programs in a newspaper review.  An assistant told him of the pan, and asked if it upset him.  Liberace replied, “I cried all the way to the bank.”
10. Winston Churchill

A Cuban cigar-maker with a pet bulldog.

Flash Fiction #289

PHOTO PROMPT © Alicia Jamtaas

I’M STUFFED

For those of us Baby-Boomers, and even pre-Boomers, who remember the Second World War, and perhaps the lingering results of the Great Depression, (All hail modern medicine!) many of us succumb to the Keep it.  It might be useful someday Syndrome.

Boomers are not the only ones who do it, but we’re a bit crazy.  We leave our valuable cars in front of the house, and fill our garages with junk.  As memories deteriorate, we’re not sure we still have what we search for, and usually don’t find it.

“Why am I here?  Oh yeah, to turn off the light.”

***

If you would like to join the Friday Fictioneers, go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Pillow Talk

I was comfortably lounging on the couch, and doing it in a highly competent, professional manner.  I was searching for a blog theme – something that I could compose a post about without too much work, but still interesting to my readers.  Suddenly I thought, Eureka, (or maybe it was Gesundheit – one of those Greek words)!  I’ll do a bit of research, and write about us seniors’ new BFF, the pillow.

The word “pillow” dates back to the 12th century.  It comes from the Latin pulvinus, which means “cushion,” but archeologists say that pillows of various kinds, ranging from plant-filled skins, to comfortable rocks, have probably been used far back into human prehistory.

The oldest known pillows date back to the oldest civilizations, with references to pillows in ancient Sumerian cuneiform texts.  Ancient Egyptians placed feather-filled pillows in the tombs of their mummified dead.

Pillows are mentioned in the Bible, but they are not referred to favorably.  The Book of Ezekiel says, Woe to those who apply pillows to their elbows.  Scholars believe that the text refers to ‘false prophets,’ who Ezekiel felt were insufficiently austere.

You know how your pillow sometimes feels too warm, and you have to keep turning it over to get to the cool side?  Well, now a company called “Sooth-Soft” has come out with The Chillow, “a fluid-filled, eco-friendly, cushioning device, that keeps you cool without electricity.”  It’s actually gotten rave reviews, and they make one for dogs, too.

Are you the laziest person on Earth?  (Why else would you be reading my post about pillows?)  The PerCushion Pillow Phone could be made just for you.  It’s a combination pillow/cell phone, with a microphone, loudspeaker, and Bluetooth wireless connection built in.  When the pillow rings, just lie there and answer it.  Genius!

In 2015, Jeanette Hall, a taxidermist in Nevada, started offering to transform deceased cats and dogs into pillows – for $75-$100.  Unfortunately, the offer led to “hundreds of hate emails from around the globe.”  The outrage baffled the taxidermist, who claimed that she had many happy customers.  “Most people were happy that Fluffy was still on the couch.” She said.

Sleep researchers have discovered that, when clocks are set back an hour at the end of Daylight Saving Time, car accident rates plummet, probably because of the extra hour of sleep.  Try to get some additional sleep on your comfy pillow, but don’t wait an extra hour to read my next exciting, informative post.  😀

***

BTW:
Happy birthday to me.
Happy birthday to Me.
Happy birthday, happy birthday,
Happy birthday to me!

With the help of my pillows, and all my other helpers – eyeglasses, magnifying glasses in every room, as of 2:00 AM, E.S.T. I have achieved 78 years of age.  I have not matured like fine wine.  More like milk – chunky and bitter.  😳

’22 A To Z Challenge – M

 

 

 

 

 

 

Forgotten Words – Forgotten Attitudes

What do we want?

GOOD MANNERS

When do we want them?

Right now!

Are we likely to get them??!

F*&@ no!

In a world where the words we use, and our attitudes, are supposedly of utmost importance, words are regularly passing out of use from the English language.  We become dumbed down intellectually, ethically, and spiritually. Here are a few words which have been forgotten, though they were in regular use just a few decades ago. Interestingly, they’re all related in meaning:

Modesty

Humility

Courtesy

Honesty

“I pray thee then, write me as someone who loves his fellow man.”  (Abou ben Adhem)

Donald Trump is gone, although, if he can evade the FBI on his magpie collection of classified documents, he’s threatening to return in 2024.  While he facilitated much of the above, and vindicated it to a too-large swath of the American population, he was not the cause of it.  He was merely a visible symptom of the cultural rot.

As ye sow, so shall ye reap.

Be nice to each other out there.  Okay?  The life you save may be your own.

Thus endeth the reading of the first lesson.  More of the usual drivel soon.

XXXV Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 is in a silly mood this week so she decided to invite us to mix and match.
Fictional characters or real people, who would you pair the following with? If you wish, you could give your reasons.

Interviewer;  If you could have dinner with anybody, alive or dead, who would you choose?
Beauty-Contest Blonde;  The live one.

  1. William Shakespeare

Daniel Webster.  As fast as Will With a Quill could make up new words, old Danny Boy could put them in the dictionary.
2. Donald Trump

I was going to pair The Donald, and BoJo, but that’s Dumb And Dumber double jeopardy.  If Dashing Don doesn’t get smart and learn to keep his mouth shut, I’ve located a wholesale importer of Personal Lube that he’s gonna need when he gets sent to Club Fed.
3. Margaret Thatcher

I asked both The Rock, and Jason Momoa, if they would be interested in being her escort, but they both said that she was a better man than either of them.  Instead, I found a SCA armourer who could keep her in steel underpants.
4. Peter Piper

Not that Charlie Brown!  This Charlie Brown!    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbBr2bgAbcM
Why’s Peter Piper always pickin’ on me??!
5. Gordon Ramsay

If Iron Lady Thatcher’s armourer wasn’t too busy, perhaps we could get him to fashion the equivalent of a chastity belt for Ramsay’s tongue, and be able to dine in peace and quiet
6. Jessica Rabbit

Jessica said that she wasn’t really bad, she was just drawn that way, so I would swipe her left with James Dean – the ultimate Bad Boy.
7. Boris Johnson

These guys won’t hang out with him anymore because they claim he stole their act.  He could use a good cartographer to chart his course into political obscurity.  Donald Trump’s hairdresser is free, as is the guy who never got a chance to build that Mexican wall.  BoJo could have him start one at Dover to keep the Eurotrash out of Avalon.
8. Einstein

If we introduced Steven Hawking to Einstein, perhaps he could teach the old dog some new quantum tricks.  If the battery in Hawking’s voice synthesizer didn’t run out of juice, they could discuss The Whichness of the Why until a philosophical black hole formed, and we all rotated into an alternate reality where Woke, and Cancel Culture didn’t exist.
9. Wolverine

He could form a Siskel and Ebert-type duo with Freddie Kruger, and create a podcast about the social significance of Charlie Chan movies.  There would be a lot of sharp dialog and pointed comments.
10. Worzel Gummidge.

I would introduce him to the Oz Scarecrow.  They could debate which one was outstanding in his field, which of them was just a stuffed shirt, who couldn’t keep it in his pants, and how to get a good roll in the hay.