I’m not saying it’s her fault. I’m just saying that I’m blaming her. With the reluctant agreement of Pensitivity101, here’s another list of questions looking for entertaining answers.
- What is a skiff?
A skiff is a lie that Environment Canada tells us. We’ll have a skiff of snow overnight. Meanwhile, I’ve still got six inches of yesterday’s ‘partly cloudy’ to shovel off the driveway.
2. What is a liner?
Liner is the stuff that drag-queen, RuPaul, paints on above his eyes, to confuse naïve, Radar O’Reilly-like corn-huskers who didn’t get to watch the ‘Crocodile Dundee’ movie in sex-education class.
3. What is a ferry?
See above – if you don’t already have your hands over your eyes.
4. What is a destroyer?
It’s a fat, arrogant, French-Canadian, wearing a Speedo, at any of the beaches in the southern United States. Talk about having your hands over your eyes…. 😳 Smoking like it’s mandatory, always complaining about some nit-picky detail, getting regular treatment and attention, but always demanding more – and in difficult-to-understand, heavily accented English. COVID has been a boon to the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida. If that hadn’t occurred, Americans might have re-elected Trump, just to demand that he build a wall across the Quebec/US border.
5. What is a cruiser?
It’s a guy like my co-worker, Bob. If you’re not going to have sex, you might as well get married, and not have it at home. I think he has eye problems, or maybe ‘I’ problems. There is not enough tequila in any bar, to drink this man sexually attractive. He’s been turned down more times than the beds at Holiday Inn – and probably by the same women. He said that he was thinking of signing up for the Bill Cosby School of Charm. 😈
6. What is a galleon?
A galleon is what I used to have someone else pump into my car to make it go, back before we went metric. I lost Imperial measurement, but apparently gained an unpaid job of pumping my own gas. It’s been 40 years, and I still don’t know how much I put in. I just know it costs more.
When things go metric, prices rise.
Surprise, surprise, surprise, surprise!!
7. What is a pedlow?
Any one of a disturbing, disgusting group of Catholic priests who think that ‘pump-organ’ is not what the church music director plays. They mistakenly believe that they are school teachers, and if sex education of altar-boys and choir girls is not on the curriculum, it’s on the agenda.
8. What is a kayak?
A kayak is an Eskimo sport-ute. It’s what the Inuit use in the drive-thru at the Aklavik Tim Horton’s. They have to be careful to hold the hot coffee with one hand in their fur-lined mitten, while they paddle away with the other. Most kayaks are not yet fitted with cup-holders, and they can’t just set it down on any ice-floe, because it will melt right through.
9. What is a schooner?
As the most interesting man in the world, I don’t always drink beer, but when I do, I want a king-can of dark ale in a schooner fresh from the fridge or freezer. In my tourist haven home-town, where I first drank draught/draft beer, it was served cold! That’s what I got used to.
I once met a man from Kitchener, ON, my current home, who claimed to have conducted a scientific experiment. He drank beer at every watering hole from here to Tobermory, 3-1/2 hours drive, at the tip of the Bruce Peninsula. He claimed that the hotel bar in my home town served the coldest beer. Much as I’d like to, I’ll never get the chance to visit England/Scotland, and try some great, but warm, beer.
10. What is a coracle?
She was a fortune-teller who lived in the Temple of Apollo, near the city of Delphi, in ancient Greece. She was known as the coracle of Delphi. The temple is a ruin now, but even back then, it had a leak in the basement. It was built over a volcanic vent, where hot gases filtered up through a layer of soil containing crude oil.
She would sit on a stool over the vent, inhaling the fumes and chewing a laurel leaf – which was mildly psychoactive – like an Hellenic Eight-ball. It was sort of like modern kids who huff model glue, or propane. Then she would make crystal-clear, absolutely true predictions, like – If you drive a Jeep Rubicon, and vote for Trump, a great empire will fall.
Actually, there was a whole string of these coracles, like a tiny temporal armada – because constantly perching on a hot petroleum spill gave them the average life expectancy of a Madame Curie. 😯