There’s Something Fishy Here

Fish

The man on the bridge asked the fisherman: “How many fish have you caught ?”
“I have just caught twenty-five fish,” was the answer.
“Do you know who I am?” asked the man. “I am the king here. So you must give me all the twenty-five fish you have caught.”
“And do you know who I am?” asked the fisherman.
“No, I don’t.”
“I am the biggest liar here.”

***

It’s amazing that I ever made it thru kindergarten.
I could barely see over the dashboard when I drove to school.

***

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, “Okay, I’m ready to hear the evidence…I’ll hear the oldest first.”

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.

—–

A man, responsible for the overall closing of a military base, was reviewing voluminous files. He found some old records that were of no possible value and sent a letter to Washington requesting permission to destroy them.

The reply he received read as follows: “Permission is given to destroy the records, but please make triplicate copies of them first.”

—–

A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.

“Well,” said a customer, “I never saw anything as peculiar as that!”

“What’s so peculiar about it?” the bartender said. “His wife sent him out for a jar of olives.”

***