Nah, I’m not gonna talk about how stores get you to buy stuff. This is more a report on the amateur sport of people watching. Since I can’t get home delivery of the Toronto Sun, I go out for it Monday to Friday. There are closer places to pick it up, but I go to a supermarket a mile down the road, because they sell it 50 cents/copy cheaper, as a loss leader. It’s also the store which installed carts which require a quarter, and I often get the paper free, or nearly so, by putting carts away.
Since I usually have only the one item, I stand in the “Express Lane” checkout line. This store’s express lines are 12 items or less. Occasionally I have to remind a clerk or a customer of that. I stood in another store’s “8 Items or less” line one day behind an entitled bitch who checked out 28 items, for just over $73. I asked the clerk whether she had trouble counting, or just trouble saying no. “Well, sometimes when it isn’t busy….” “There’s me, and four others behind me, all with one or two items. I think that counts as busy. Do you need help from the manager??”
Watching people checking out whole cart-loads of groceries is no fun. They buy everything. (Almost!) The fun comes from seeing the one or two items that people absolutely, positively, need, right now, and trying to guess why. In my first post, I wrote of an older gentleman standing in line with a small bottle of Scope mouthwash, and a pack of Certs gum. I still think my guess of a hot date that night was a good one.
The wife was going to brown a frozen pie shell, and fill it with instant pudding, as a dessert. A check in the freezer revealed three boxes of frozen tart shells, but no pie shells. Quick, over to the store for a package of pie shells – I can see that. I understand bread, milk, eggs, meat – but some of the rest???!
A woman this week checked out only one tiny bottle of Frank’s Red-Hot Sauce. I guess if hubby expects chili for supper, ya gotta do what ya gotta do. A man the next day purchased seven (7!) small bottles of sliced olives. Now why didn’t he buy one large jar?? Is it pizza day at school tomorrow? So many questions! So many chances to be told to mind my own F…. business.
I followed a couple of women out late one Friday afternoon. I thought they might be more than just friends. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I was disabused of my suspicion, when the manlier of the two told her companion that one of the women she worked with, hoped the same thing. She’d had to explain that, “No, no! I don’t like girls. I like guys.”
I thought of KayJai, and her parties. Each of these gals checked out two 3-liter/quart jugs of Motts Caesar Mix. The liquor store is just across the plaza. A 40-ouncer of cheap Vodka apiece, and it’s on to a weekend to forget.
Just yesterday, a shopper left with two, liter bottles of hydrogen peroxide. Somebody’s going blonde tonight. I hope it’s somebody’s girlfriend, not the dark Chicano guy who bought them. A 9-year-old boy, all by himself, checked out behind him with 9 individual Michelina frozen fettuccini meals. Where are Mom and Dad? Gone away for the weekend? Or is the scout troop coming over?
A couple of the clerks are people-watchers like me, and are absolutely mesmerized by the stuff people rush in to pick up. It’s like a floor-show, without the $8 cover charge and two drink minimum, although one clerk told me there are days she’d pay the eight bucks, and need the drinks. Sometimes the combinations are, to say the least, intriguing. One can of tomato paste, and a jug of drain cleaner – Hmmm, is hubby going to make it to tomorrow??
I hope that’s for a Boy Scout baking project. Otherwise, how many kids do you have in your house, that you need four large boxes of Corn Flakes at three in the afternoon? Shouldn’t you be buying milk with that? A chocolate cake, and two mousetraps?? Just what are you trying to catch, hubby stealing a slice?
I was recently up unreasonably unusually early on a Saturday morning, to take the daughter and her friend to a strawberry festival to market their wares. I stopped into my preferred supermarket shortly after 8 AM opening, and wound up in line with a bunch of old people. Huh? Whazzat? Who, me too?
The old codger in front of me checked out a jug of orange juice, and a spray can of Pledge furniture polish. That dust can really sneak up on you. The white-haired winner behind me had a round loaf of Portuguese bread, and what looked like a small slab of Feta cheese.
Ever nosy tactful, I asked, “Is that breakfast?” “Oh yes! Toast and cheese.” Oh, great, something else to look forward to, not being able to think about things like eating, until hunger pangs hit. Then they all go to the McDonalds across the street, and nurse a coffee till lunch time. People-watching is fun. Just ask the folks who watch me.
Archon's Den 
