Don’t Bet On It

How do you tell a Polish guy at a cockfight?  He’s the one with the duck.
How do you tell the Italian?  He’s the one betting on the duck.
How do you tell if the mafia is there?  The duck wins!

****

Life is hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.

I’ll stop being Grumpy, if you’ll stop being Dopey.

****

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA, when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, “What kind of “-ese” are you?” The Japanese, confused and replied, “Sorry but I don’t understand what you mean.”

The American repeated, “What kind of “-ese” are you?” Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yells, “What kind of –ese are you?? Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, etc…” The Japanese then replied, “Oh, I’m Japanese!”

A while later, the Japanese turned to the American and asked, “What kind of “-key” are you?” The American, frustrated, yelled, “What you mean, what kind of “-key” I am?” The Japanese said, “Are you a monkey, donkey or a Yankee?”

***

A lawyer charging a high fee, a lawyer charging
a low fee and Santa Claus were seated around a
table in the center of which was $10,000.

The lights went off. When the lights came back
on the $10,000 was missing. Who took it????

Answer: The lawyer charging the high fee took it
because the other two are figments of your
imagination.

***

How many lawyers does it take to
shingle a roof?

About 3 1/2 if you slice them thin enough.

***

Rules Of Golf

 

  1. Ladies are prohibited from touching gentlemen’s balls, either with clubs or hands.
  2. All holes must be kept clean.
  3. Gentlemen making a hole in one shot must change partners for the second round.
  4. In getting down to short strokes, ladies are requested to remain quiet. This co-operation is appreciated by gentlemen players.
  5. In games where partners play with one ball only, the players must go off together on each tee.
  6. Where the lady player goes off first, the gentleman must not delay the stroke, but continue the play.
  7. In cases where the lay is impossible, the lady has the privilege of choosing a new position.
  8. When the gentleman finds this is impossible, he may choose another lay, starting at least a club’s length from the hole.
  9. In an impossible lay, within six inches of the hole, the hands may be used.
  10. Married couples are requested not to meet on the links, but to choose other partners where possible.

Note:  While the management strives to improve the course in every way, it cannot be responsible for balls lost in the bush between certain holes.

 

Just a reminder about proper comportment for next spring’s games.  I know it’s been a while since I played around a round.

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9 thoughts on “Don’t Bet On It

  1. Paul says:

    Cute AD.

    Like

  2. benzeknees says:

    Gave me a chuckle this cold morning!

    Like

  3. garden2day says:

    I must keep my thoughts to myself… Lol but the lawyer always take the money 😀 . Have a good one.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      And don’t we all just love lawyers??! I made the fortunate mistake of using one only once, to pressure an insurance company for a fairer settlement. He got me more than I asked for. He got paid his fee by them, as the loser. Then he demanded half of the extra that he got me, in addition. 😦 “First, let us kill the lawyers.” 😈

      Liked by 1 person

      • garden2day says:

        Greedy little monsters aren’t they? I’m sure there are some not so greedy ones out there but I wonder how some of them sleep at night. Yeah, they work extra hard to get extra money so they can take more…sounds like a plan (one that is hard to live with if you are not a lawyer). I like your plan better 😉 – I’m kidding for all of the lawyers out there… 😀

        Like

  4. Sightsnbytes says:

    What’s the difference between God and a lawyer? God doesn’t think he is a lawyer…thanks for the chuckle

    Like

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