You know those shows where people call in and
vote on different issues? Did you ever notice
there’s always like 16% “I don’t know”!
It costs 90 cents to call up and vote… They’re
voting “I don’t know!” – “Honey, I feel very
strongly about this. Give me the phone.” (Into
phone) “I don’t know!” (hangs up, looking proud)
“Sometimes you have to stand up for what you
believe you are not sure about!”
This guy probably calls up phone sex girls at
$2.95 a minute. (into phone) “I’m not in the mood!”
***
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!
***
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Because so many men fake foreplay.
***
Virginity is not like a bank account.
If you save it, it doesn’t draw any interest.
***
A guy receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl
from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives
at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the
upper corner of the stadium; he’s closer to the
Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway
through the first quarter he sees through his
binoculars an empty seat 10 rows off the field,
right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a
chance and makes his way through the stadium and
around the security guards to the empty seat.
As he sits down he asks the gentleman sitting next
to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The
man says no. Now, very excited to be in such a
great seat for the game, he again inquires of the
man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their
right mind would have a seat like this at the
Super Bowl and not use it?!”
The man replies, “Well, actually, the seat
belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife,
but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl
we haven’t been together at, since we got married.
“Well, that’s really sad, but still, you couldn’t
find anyone to take the seat? A friend or close
relative?”
“No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
***
Women’s Advice to Men
The reason why our bras don’t always match our
underwear is because WE actually change our
underwear.
The next time you and your buddies joke about
armed women in combat, take a poll to see which of
you successfully aim at the toilet rim.
If the truth hurts, ask us those ego-sensitive
questions on your payday.
Don’t fret if you find out that the milkman
delivers more than once a day.
Lay off the beans several hours before bedtime.
Our bedtime headaches are inversely proportional
to the number of baths you take.
The next time you joke about female drivers,
research the number of accidents caused by
rubber-necking mini-skirts.
If only women gossip, how do you and your friends
keep track of “who’s easy”?
Stop telling us most male strippers are gay:
we don’t care.
Start parting and combing your hair to one side
early in life – you’ll never see the ‘island’ coming.
Your contributions to your child should go above
and beyond that Y chromosome you unselfishly
sacrificed.
Eye contact is best established above our
shoulder-level.
Your balding is a good thing – it subsidizes our
hair care expenses.
Archon's Den 