A Humor Test—See How You Do

Divorces………………..Not yet….
Children………………….2
Surgeries………………..I didn’t know there was going to be a test. I didn’t study. Let’s see…. Tonsils, hernia, shoulder, same eye twice…. Makes 5 – so far, with one little laser touch-up to come.
Piercings………………..1, an ear stud, that a dog pulled out, and has now grown over
Tattoos………………….0 – chicken-shit procrastinating
Shot a gun………………yes – Hell Yes, rifles, shotguns, pistols – May I have some more please?
Quit a job………………..yes, 18 months after I didn’t get my 3-month probationary raise
Ever been on TV………..no – well, maybe CCTV, but I was never identified. I’ve been mentioned on radio several times.
Been in a fist fight……No! Getting in a fist-fight just proves how stupid, unprepared, drunk, and/or testosterone-fuelled you are.
Hit a deer………………..No. I fed a few deer that almost climbed into the back seat of the car, in a Provincial Park.
Watched someone give birth……..I barely showed up for the conception. That’s someone else’s job.
Watched someone die……not quite – recently visited a sister-in-law in a hospice – she died the next day.
Ridden in an ambulance……….yes, the day I fell off my motorcycle and smashed my shoulder
Visited Las Vegas……no – I’m poor, and Canadian. I’ve visited Niagara Falls, it’s kinda Vegas-Lite
Sang karaoke………….no – I don’t frequent bars, especially karaoke bars.
Rode a Jet Ski…………no – I was young and stupid daring before jet skis were invented. I have walked on water with 2 large Styrofoam ‘boots.’ I’ve run an 8-foot hydroplane boat up and down a river. I’ve helmed a 22-foot catamaran for 5 minutes in calm, lake water, and piloted a 4-seater plane for 15 minutes, managing to keep it in a clear sky. I’ve also piloted several snowmobiles, both in virgin snow, and on hard-packed trails.
Ice skating……………..yes, of course. This is Canada. We’re born with skates on.
Surfing…………………… yes and no – Never with a surfboard, but I’ve body-surfed 8-foot rollers coming in off Lake Huron after a big storm.
Ridden on a motorcycle…………yes, a dozen or more, both as a passenger, and as the rider, including 5 of my own.
Stayed in a hospital…… yes – The visit after I fell off my motorcycle and had my bionic shoulder installed.   It was supposed to be a quick three-day stay. I was trying to man through the pain, but my wife and daughter both urged me to use the pain-pump, because they thought that it held Demerol. It didn’t! It was morphine sulphate, which lowered my normally low blood pressure even farther. After three days on my back, I crawled out of the bed to get dressed, and sank to the floor. I was sentenced to another three days, while they subjected me to every test to find out why.
Ridden in back of police car ……………no – I have voluntarily entered police cars, both in the front, and the back, but was always allowed to walk away. One night, I sat in the back with a cat-and-dog (him/her) team, giving a report about a theft from a car in a hotel parking structure. I was offered a beer from a six-pack on the floor in the front.

Now u know everything – or as much as I’m willing to fabricate admit.

Copy & paste, then change with your own answers.

This was interesting, nosy, and a better way to get to know a blogger on a personal basis than most of the other lists. This is more like an eye test after my second eye operation. If it was a test to find the humor in it, then I have failed. C’mon, have a go! I’m particularly interested in the responses to ‘Ridden in the back of a police car.’   🙄

 

12 thoughts on “A Humor Test—See How You Do

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    Thank you for the share.

    Like

  2. Jim Wheeler says:

    I have 3 tattoos, each the size of a dot, aiming points for radiation therapy. I have piloted Navy trainer planes and done aerobatics under instruction. Made me sick. I went swimming in the middle of the Pacific Ocean (off a submarine.) No sharks were sighted, but a rifleman was posted. I took my first ride on a sail-board in the Caribbean, found I couldn’t steer and had to be rescued. Tried boxing once. After I woke up I didn’t do that any more.

    Like

    • Archon's Den says:

      Oops! Sorry abut that, Jim. You had something to say, and I was out picking up burritos for lunch. 😳
      Like me, you seem to have had an ‘interesting’ life. I might have appreciated the opportunity to swim in mid-Pacific. Later in life I seem to have developed an unreasonable fear of ‘what’s below me.’ In the Pacific, it might be sharks. In Lake Huron, it might be lamprey eels. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamprey
      In the mud ponds around Joplin it might be snapping turtles and leeches.

      Like

  3. Good to know you and that you’ve visited Vegas-lite. And though you’ve never ridden on a jet ski, your experiences say you’re a daring guy. Don’t forget the time you swung on a rope near the falls. I remember that post. 🙂

    Like

  4. Dale says:

    Divorces………………..1
    Children………………….3 – 1 now an angel
    Surgeries………………..2 gall bladder and endometrial ablation
    Piercings………………..2 – one in each ear
    Tattoos………………….0
    Shot a gun………………Nope
    Quit a job………………..Yes – Too many times to count, plus have been fired 4 times and laid off twice
    Ever been on TV………..Not that I know of
    Been in a fist fight……Does slap-fight count?
    Hit a deer……………….Nope
    Watched someone give birth…….Besides mine? No.
    Watched someone die……Yes, 3 – son, father, husband
    Ridden in an ambulance……Nope
    Visited Las Vegas……Twice
    Sang karaoke…………Of course! And was sober, to boot
    Rode a Jet Ski………Yep, felt my quads for two days after.
    Ice skating……………Figure skated for 7 years
    Surfing…………………Nah
    Ridden on a motorcycle………Once
    Stayed in a hospital…… yes – three kids, two surgeries.
    Ridden in back of police car ………Not yet.

    Like

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