May I Have Another ‘Nother Word?

*

Dr. Seuss – Horton Hears a Who
I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.  An elephant’s faithful linguistically correct – one hundred percent.
Sadly, the same can not be said about these quotes from the cream of the American education system.

Pros

Van’s and Cadillac’s for sale – along with greengrocers’ apostrophes

Martin Luther’s book, 95 Thesis – More problems with plurals

My father had sewn the seeds of curiosity – about why he hadn’t used the word ‘sown.’

A man claiming to be a masseuse – Monsieur claimed to be a masseur.

He gave a clarinet rectal – It’s better than giving the conductor anal.

The lady with the two-towned hair – I get used to this, living in the Kitchener-Waterloo twin cities.

Fit for a pink-slip, and a straightjacket – The band Dire Straits has mailed you a dictionary.

We got the contract.  Joe, “Here, here!” – I hear, hear that’s incorrect.

He was oh for twenty-three – Oh!  He should have been 0 for 23

He wanted to become a chaufer – an American Uber driver.  Anywhere else, he’d be a chauffeur.

Amateurs

The dirty vomit who shot my paw – really should learn to spell varmint.

Standing by the side of the rode – next to his horse, apparently.

To see which one was defected – It’s your spelling that’s defective.

A YouTuber verbally reb-elled against an order – and my ears re-belled at that pronunciation.

We are all I’ll in some way – I’ll say we’re sick, sick, sick.

I entered threw the two big doors – this spelling of through, kinda threw me

Story by Kat and her mews – Unless Kat’s cats helped write, it’s a missing Muse.

His ownly source of knowledge – is definitely not only spell-check.

My father is diseased – and his terminal disease caused him to be deceased.

They certainly look tucked out – They’re tucked in, but tuckered out.

He jumped up and clicked his heals – I’m sorry to hear that his heels are diseased.

Roast beef, with criminalized onions – wasn’t that a tasty dish to set before the king?

Atheists are disconcerning the evidence for God – and I’m discerning incorrect usage

The wood (from noas arc) was all saugy –– so, soggy wood causes spelling mistakes??

The arguments are all so wrote, and repeated – when I wrote it, it was rote.

Heedless to say, the asparagus was rotten – needless to say, you were wrong.

I find many of his ire – even though ilk is the right word

It was a right of passage to adulthood – Even in the hood, rite is right.

She committed some traffic on fractions – she was only ¼ wrong.

Much-aligned is the common flea – and much-maligned by dog owners who speak English.

Brilliant argument stunts debater – That claim stuns me.