These Are Some Of My Favorite…. Oxymorons

I added the prefix Oxy to the word morons, because I don’t want some Cancel Culture Cowboy, astride a big, white Woke to come riding in.  I always appreciate a good post about English usage – and misusage – but the language has subtle nuances, and sometimes we are presented with false dichotomies.  Let the rant begin.

Assistant supervisor

No contradiction here!  Most organizations have more than one person in charge.  Some of them have more authority than others and require a helper to administrate it.

New tradition

How many times does it take to qualify as a tradition??  Even if this is the first time, it is hoped and planned that this new Tradition will continue.

Original copy

The valuable, irreplaceable “original” is locked in a safe.  This is the authorized first copy, from which all other copies must be made, to prevent photocopy smudging.

Plastic glass

Several things are identified as (a) glass, including a magnifying glass, a mirror, and a drinking container.  All of them were originally made of glass, but technology marches on, and we need an adjective to point out the difference.

Uninvited guest

One does not require an invitation to become a guest.  If you allow an unexpected person into your home/wedding reception, they are your guest.

Highly depressed

As opposed to ‘mildly depressed.’  There is no disagreement here.  One word does not relate to the other.

Live Recording

For all the pirates who download digital copies of digital copies, of digital copies, this tape was made in a studio, when the artist(s) was there.

Authentic reproduction

This has to do with sales, and copyrights.  It is not the original, but it is produced by a licensed, authorized agent.

Partial ceasefire

Some do!  Some don’t!  There is less gunfire now than there was previously – partial, not total – what’s your problem??

Limited lifetime guarantee

Better expressed as Lifetime limited guarantee, the limits are on what is guaranteed, not the lifetime.

Elevated subway

When I go to downtown Toronto, I usually park at a mall, way out in the suburbs.  I take an escalator up 20 feet, and board a train which, within a block, plunges underground – an elevated subway.

Dry lake

It once had water.  It may again someday.  Lake:  a body of water, or something resembling it  Like a ‘damn lake’ instead of a ‘damned lake,’ a Dry lake is clearer vernacular than a Dried (or dried-up) lake.

True replica

See ‘Authentic Reproduction,’ above – it’s a “real fake!”

Forward lateral

The movement of something – usually a football – sideways, which unintentionally also results in forbidden forward movement.  Football rules cover it.  No need to throw a language flag also.

Standard options

Standard options are paint color and cup-holders.  Non-standard options include a xylophone, and ’60’s shag carpet.  They are available, with special orders and extra charges.

Old news

It was NEWs when we first heard it.  Now it’s just vernacular to indicate that we’ve heard it all before.

Small crowd

How many does it take to be a crowd??!  A tight group of 20 is certainly a smaller crowd than 2000.

Free gift

If it’s not free, then undoubtedly, it’s not a gift.  This is just redundant hyperbole marketing ad-speak.  Get used to it.  They lie to us all the time.  😳

Completely surround

Again, not an oxy, you moron.  This is an emphasis, guaranteeing no leakages.

Most unique

Every strangely-garbed, potential contestant on “Let’s Make A Deal” is unique – one-of-a-kind – but the guy in the full scuba suit, with the inverted ice cream cone smashed down on his head, is least like any of the others – Most unique!

Now that I’ve picked a bushel of nits, I think I’ll fry them in garlic butter, and serve them with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti.

Tardy Response To A Theme Prompt

What was the last thing you searched for online? Why were you looking for it?

When you know as little as I do, and forget much of it before I even get up from my computer chair, I am forever searching for something – often, several simultaneous somethings.

Sometimes, my online research is not just for the information, but also for some entertainment irritation.  When things have been going too smoothly, the wife has not been biting my ass, and my grip on reality’s throat is slipping, I resort to research.  It usually works.

Our chiropractor/massage therapy clinic is in a strip-mall.  To add a hearing-aid department, they moved two stores up, to a double-width unit. At our last visit, I noticed that the old unit now has a window sign that says, “Coming soon, El Tico Restaurant.”  I made a note to find out what ‘tico’ meant.  The next day’s paper had a local-interest story about a Costa Rican family who were the proprietors.

I went to Google Translate.  Across the top, there are the three languages that I’ve most recently looked at – usually French, Spanish, and German, and a spot that says, Detect Language.  I had been researching Hebrew, so the ‘Spanish’ had disappeared.  I clicked ‘detect language.’  I knew that ’el’ means ‘the,’ so I just typed in tico.
English detected
From English, translated to English, Tico = Tico

GNUNGA!!  I woke up on the wrong side of my patience this morning afternoon.  Don’t press your luck. No, it doesn’t!  ‘Tico” is a slang term for someone from Costa Rica.  English speakers occasionally say or write it, but it is not naturalized.  It’s still slang Spanish.

I clicked on ’Spanish’ and entered tico.
Spanish detected
From Spanish, translated to English, Tico = Tico

I don’t care if you are just an AI chatbot, I will slap you so hard that all your little 1’s and 0’s look like Ø’s!  I entered ‘el Tico.’  “The attic.”  Well, why didn’t you say that in the first place??!  It’s an ironic name for a strip-mall business with no second floor.

You should have heard the argument I had with Bing about “Cheap hotels in Uhrichsville,” over entries that were 50 and 75 miles away.  Or a “Cheap restaurant in Uhrichsville,” that had four “sittings” a night.  Perhaps in another post.  🙄

May I Have Another ‘Nother Word?

*

Dr. Seuss – Horton Hears a Who
I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.  An elephant’s faithful linguistically correct – one hundred percent.
Sadly, the same can not be said about these quotes from the cream of the American education system.

Pros

Van’s and Cadillac’s for sale – along with greengrocers’ apostrophes

Martin Luther’s book, 95 Thesis – More problems with plurals

My father had sewn the seeds of curiosity – about why he hadn’t used the word ‘sown.’

A man claiming to be a masseuse – Monsieur claimed to be a masseur.

He gave a clarinet rectal – It’s better than giving the conductor anal.

The lady with the two-towned hair – I get used to this, living in the Kitchener-Waterloo twin cities.

Fit for a pink-slip, and a straightjacket – The band Dire Straits has mailed you a dictionary.

We got the contract.  Joe, “Here, here!” – I hear, hear that’s incorrect.

He was oh for twenty-three – Oh!  He should have been 0 for 23

He wanted to become a chaufer – an American Uber driver.  Anywhere else, he’d be a chauffeur.

Amateurs

The dirty vomit who shot my paw – really should learn to spell varmint.

Standing by the side of the rode – next to his horse, apparently.

To see which one was defected – It’s your spelling that’s defective.

A YouTuber verbally reb-elled against an order – and my ears re-belled at that pronunciation.

We are all I’ll in some way – I’ll say we’re sick, sick, sick.

I entered threw the two big doors – this spelling of through, kinda threw me

Story by Kat and her mews – Unless Kat’s cats helped write, it’s a missing Muse.

His ownly source of knowledge – is definitely not only spell-check.

My father is diseased – and his terminal disease caused him to be deceased.

They certainly look tucked out – They’re tucked in, but tuckered out.

He jumped up and clicked his heals – I’m sorry to hear that his heels are diseased.

Roast beef, with criminalized onions – wasn’t that a tasty dish to set before the king?

Atheists are disconcerning the evidence for God – and I’m discerning incorrect usage

The wood (from noas arc) was all saugy –– so, soggy wood causes spelling mistakes??

The arguments are all so wrote, and repeated – when I wrote it, it was rote.

Heedless to say, the asparagus was rotten – needless to say, you were wrong.

I find many of his ire – even though ilk is the right word

It was a right of passage to adulthood – Even in the hood, rite is right.

She committed some traffic on fractions – she was only ¼ wrong.

Much-aligned is the common flea – and much-maligned by dog owners who speak English.

Brilliant argument stunts debater – That claim stuns me.

Smitty’s Loose Change #24

The Grandson got to the supermarket nearest to me before I did.  As a New Year’s present, he brought me from the chute of their coin-counter, a Canadian quarter and nickel, an American quarter, two nickels, two dimes – one a 1946, worn flat and almost illegible, and a bronze?/brass? – It ain’t copper – a One something coin from Serbia.  I need to research it, to find what it is, and made from.  This is my first Serbian coin.  I have several from Croatia, but none from Serbia.

***

I keep forgetting to work on my writing. I keep forgetting to write and submit my writing. Buy my books on Amazon.

I was going to, but I keep forgetting.  😮

***

If u cud recomend me a book. wot wud u recomend?

***

If you’re wearing a mask, why do you care if I’m not?  Yours works, doesn’t it?
If you’re sober, and I’m driving drunk, why do you care?  Your seatbelt and airbags work, don’t they?

***

What part of your morning routine takes the longest?
Me: Deciding to get up.

***

Other countries don’t think as we do, and their languages do not express themselves as we do.
The German surname Rosenthal is translated as Rose Valley.  English assumes that there is more than one rose in the valley.  German does not leave it to chance.  ‘Rosen” is plural.  The name more precisely/pedantically means “Valley of Roses.”

I recently opened a (Canadian) Chinese fortune cookie.  The English side said, “Your reputation is worth more than money.”  The French side said, “Your reputation is worth more than nice perfume.”

***

I was recently offered ‘Dark Roast’ peanut butter, and jumped at the chance.  I wondered if it would be like dark roast coffee – a brighter, fuller flavor.  It is one chain’s ‘No-Name’ brand.  Would it be from the overcooked nuts at the bottom?  Nah.  It’s just promotion,, more lying advertising,  decent, un-homogenized peanut butter that needs the oil stirred back in prior to every use.

***

I joined Linked-In because I thought that it was a social media thing, like WordPress, or Facebook.  I soon found that its main drive was an online networking group, helping people make connections, and find jobs.  Since I’m a dedicated, industrial-strength retiree who doesn’t want a job, nor can aid anyone else in getting one, I soon ignored it.

I recently received an invitation to add someone to my circle, Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada!  I didn’t do so, and a week later, I got another, identical request.  Is there an upcoming election that I haven’t heard about??!

Come Sit For A Spell

W-E-T-H-I-R

That’s the worst spell of weather we’ve had in a while.

I recently read that someone, with the best of intentions, suggested that English language words should be standardized by using phonetic fonetic spelling.  Get rid of the letter C.  Use either S, or K.  Get rid of the Greek ‘ph.’  Use only the letter F.

This idea arises from time to time – usually when some new-generation Gung-Ho fails to do the research that the last generation did, believes that he has had an original idea, and runs smack-dab into the reality that is the hybrid English lingua franca.

This would be a worthy project, helping native English users, as well as many confused immigrants, learning ESL.  The biggest problem is that there are so many words in the English language.  It means that there are dozens – HUNDREDS – of pairs, or groups, of words which have different spellings, different meanings, yet the same fonetic pronunciation.

What would fonetic spelling proponents do with lists of words like:
sight – site – cite
isle – aisle – I’ll
sees – seas – seize
I – eye – aye
meat – meet – mete
heel – heal – he’ll
wheel – weal – we’ll
peek – peak – pique
great – grate
break – brake
air – err – heir – ere – e’er – Ayr – Ayer ??!

One size spelling definitely does not fit all!  How would any reader know which meaning to assign, without the varied spellings??  Suggestions have been made to slowly phase faze (oops, there’s another) the project in, with certain groups of words being changed, while others retain their Indigenous status until next time.  Potential Bedlam!!

In September, 1967, after 268 years of driving on the wrong left side of the road, like the British and Japanese, the Swedes changed over to the right.  The General Manager of the Swedish-owned plant where I worked, once told us the story as an object lesson.  He claimed that the Government worried that the transformation would not go smoothly, so, on the first day, only trucks and commercial vehicles had to use the other side.  Cars and motorcycles and such could wait till the second day.

If you’re gonna do it – DO IT!  Rip off the bandage!  It will only hurt once.  But in this case, I don’t think that it could ever be done faster than the normal evolution of the language.  What about you??  IMHO, LOL, NSFW, YOLO, TTFN, BRB, G.O.D.  🙄

’23 A To Z Challenge – Q

I’d like to do a quid pro quo, but if one of my British mates doesn’t pay me a quid, it will have to be a quid amateur pro.  I will just remain an old quidnunc.  ‘Quid’ is a Latin word which is partially naturalized into English.  It is translated as ‘what’, but originally meant ‘a thing’, or, ‘that which is.’

I’m about as philosophical as Queen Lizzie’s corgis, now that she’s gone, and not as well housetrained.  I have used the phrase, find the Whichness of the Why, to appear erudite, but I recently found quid’s philosopher cousin, the word

QUIDDITY

A whatness, the quality that makes a thing what it is; the essential nature of a thing.

You know the sound of two hands clapping, but what is the sound of a rock, just being a stone??

One good philosophy deserves inevitably attracts another.  It’s bad enough that Roman philosophy had a word for this.  You’ve seen the Latin word, now prepare to meet the Greek equivalent – Haecceity.

The sound of confused silence is just the quiddity of me being my usual, unsophisticated Grumpy Old Dude.  Just you wait till next year, when I reach the unconnected – liquidity – a report on  my minuscule retirement income versus the rampant inflation.  Stop back in a couple of days for another fabulous Fibbing Friday – no lie.

I’m Going All Medieval On You

Some of our most popular phrases have a long history, including some that go back to the Middle Ages. Here are 10 medieval phrases from the Dictionary of Idioms and their Origins.

1. “The apple of one’s eye”

In early medieval England the pupil of the eye was known as the apple (Old English æppel) since it was thought to be an apple-shaped solid. Since the delicate pupil of the eye is essential for vision, it is a part that is cherished and to be protected. Thus apple of the eye was used as a figure for a much-loved person or thing. Even King Alfred the Great used this phrase.

2. “Baker’s dozen”

This phrase arose from a piece of medieval legislation, the Assize of Bread and Ale of 1262. Bakers of the period had a reputation for selling underweight loaves, so legislation was put in place to make standardized weights. To make sure that they did not sell underweight bread, bakers started to give an extra piece of bread away with every loaf, and a thirteenth loaf with every dozen.

3. “To curry favour”

The phrase came from the Middle English words ‘curry favel’, which in Old French was ‘estriller fauvel’. It meant ‘to rub down or groom a chestnut horse. In Le Roman de Favuel, a 14th-century French romance, a chestnut horse representing hypocrisy and deceit is carefully combed down by other characters in order to win his favour and assistance. The popularity of the work led people to accuse those who tried to further their own ends by flattery to be currying favel. By the sixteenth century the phrase had changed slightly to currying favour.

4. “To play devil’s advocate”

Devil’s advocate is a translation of the Latin ‘advocatus diaboli’. This was the popular title given to the official appointed by the Roman Catholic church to argue against the proposed canonization of a saint by bringing up all that was unfavourable to the claim. The post, which was officially known as Promoter of the Faith (promotor fidei), seems to have been established by Pope Leo X in the early sixteenth century.

5. “To throw down the gauntlet”

The gauntlet was a piece of armour that knights wore to protect their forearms and hands. A gauntlet-wearing knight would challenge a fellow knight or enemy to a duel by throwing one of his gauntlets on the ground.

6. “By hook or by crook”

Records of this phase date back to the 14th century. One theory for its origin suggests that a medieval law about collecting firewood allowed peasants to take what they could only cut from dead trees by using their reaper’s bill-hook or a shepherd’s crook.

7. “Hue and cry”

This phrase dates back to 12th-century England. Hue comes from the Old French ‘huer’, which means to shout out. In the Middle Ages, if you saw a crime being committed, you were obliged to raise ‘hue’ and ‘cry’, that is to shout and make noise, to warn the rest of the community, so they could come to pursue and capture the criminal.

8. “A nest egg”

By the fourteenth century the phrase nest egg was used by peasants to explain why they left one egg in the nest when collecting them from hens – it would encourage the chickens to continue laying eggs in the same nest. By the seventeenth century this phrase now meant to set aside a sum of money for the future.

9. “A red-letter day”

During the fifteenth century it became customary to mark all feast days and saints’ days in red on the ecclesiastical calendar, while other days were in black.

10. “To sink or swim”

The phrase refers to the water ordeal, a medieval practice of judging whether a person was innocent or guilty by casting him or her into a lake. The belief was that water would not accept anyone who had rejected the water of baptism, so if the victim sunk they were innocent, but if they floated they were guilty. Chaucer used a similar phrase: “Ye rekke not whether I flete (float) or sink”.

’23 A To Z Challenge – N

I recently composed a post where I declared that it would be impossible to simplify and standardize the English language by using phonetic spelling, when there are groups of words like

not, knot, and naught

With well over a million words, it is inevitable that there are whole bunches of similar word-pairs and groups, with identical pronunciation, but different spellings and meanings.  How would phonetic spelling tell them apart??

I was recently made aware of a similar, related problem.  An IT Tech tried to convince me to use a voice-to-text app, to compose my posts.  I began to pay more attention to what I was seeing, and the results were dismaying, if often amusing.

In a video report about an auction of Nazi memorabilia, “Eva Braun’s dress” became have a bronze dress.  Alexa and Siri are only in kindergarten.  I’m going to wait until they and their AI friends graduate from university with an English Major diploma.

Knickerbockers were the predecessors of the magical Mormon underwear, with a Dutch accent.  In an era of Victorian prudery, they covered, with enough fabric to build a small tent.  Over time, both the clothing article and the word shrank in size, until the term, “knickers,” covered clothing articles like bikini briefs, G-strings, and thongs, which cover almost nothing.

For some reason, the British have seized upon this American term with the Dutch foundation, and use it widely.  Show us yer knickers.  But then, these are folks who think that Earl Grey tea has a vintage.

My osteopath owns a horse.  When she tells him about a proposed attempt at imposing phonetic spelling, he

NICKERS

1. (of a horse) to neigh softly
2. to laugh quietly; snigger    😀

Slinging Slang Fibbing Friday

It’s crackers to slip a rozzer the dropsy in snide. = You’d be crazy to try to bribe a cop with counterfeit money.

Pensitivity101 wanted us to slang yer hook last week, and dropped some slang phrases/words for you.
Go on, give ’em your best shot! Have fun!

Fo-shizzle

This is what happens when you gorge yourself, and eat an entire package of Swedish fish.  Those things are full of water-soluble oils and paraffin wax.  They will lubricate your digestive system so well that you’ll spend more time sitting on the throne than Queen Elizabeth II.

Crunk

Crunk is the past participle of ‘Crank.’  I’ve been an old crank for so long, now that I’m retired, I’ve been designated an Honorary Crunk.

Booyah

That’s a compulsive heckler who can’t really decide whether he hates the performance…. or not.

Gnarly

It’s a mean, junkyard dog with a lisp.

Outtie

My strange uncle, who’s been on everybody’s gaydar for years, finally decided to start flying the LGBTQ+ Pride Flag.

Phat
It’s a Latin word for a person with an eating disorder.

What’s Crackalackin?

That’s how OB/GYNs tell boy babies from girl babies.

Cowabunga

You know how some seafood restaurants let you choose which lobster you want?….  I have to drive out to the farm, but my favorite steak-joint lets me do the same thing.
I’ll take the one with the big butt that looks like a Kardashian.

Ankle biter

Ankle-biters are a form of torture that many women inflict on themselves to attract men.  If they knew what they’d end up with, they’d choose a burqa and a Taser.  They are pairs of – if you’ll excuse the expression – shoes.  They begin at the front with a mediaeval thumbscrew type of cap, big enough for about one and a half toes, into which they jam all five – what comfort…

Behind this is a ramp, reminiscent of downhill skiing, perched on a ridiculously high heel.  There is often very little leather to contain the foot – apparently to satisfy foot fetishists, who give ‘ankle-biters’ a whole different meaning.  Therefore, they are held in place with tough leather straps, tightened down with buckles.

After an evening of dining and dancing, it’s a wonder that blood is not flowing down the leg, although pain and damage can be reduced by wearing Kevlar stockings.

All that and a bag of chips.

That’s my standard order at my neighbourhood drive-thru.  They know me.
May I take your order?
Yes.  I’d like….
Just pull up Archon, we’ve got it ready.

 

’23 A To Z Challenge – H

We should have let Trump put that wall up.  They are continuing to leak in….  Not illegal immigrants.  That slowed down a bit here in Canada, when Prime Minister Justin (Junior) Trudeau finally put his fashionably-shod foot down, after the second (Or was it the third) East-Asian family froze to death, trying to walk into Manitoba from Minnesota in February, hanging a few icicles on his public image.

No, I’m talking about foreign words that continue to infest the 🙄  ‘English Language. ‘  😳  I recently found a word that our dear, departed, Sikh Sno-cones could have used

HYGGE

Noun: (especially in reference to the Danish lifestyle) the feeling of coziness and contentment evoked by simple comforts, as being wrapped in a blanket, having good conversations, enjoying food, etc.

Adjective: cozy and comforting:

Dictionary.com claims that the word ‘entered the English language in 1965.’  But other language sites insist that a word only becomes part of the lexicon when it is widely accepted and is regularly used by the general public.  I don’t see that happening.  My recent discovery was a surprise to me.  I have never used it.  I have never seen/heard anyone else use it.  It is not ‘naturalized’!

It is a great little word – conjuring up images of a crackling fire in the hearth, wrapped in a warm blanket in the big chair, with a mug of hot chocolate in hand.  I’ll bet that those line-jumpers would have liked to hear it before they all became Hindu-cicles in a frozen wheat field.  They probably wouldn’t, because Minnesota is more Swedish than Danish.  The only thing they might have heard from their coyote was, “You should have brought your insulated sari.”

I would really like to care for/about them, but my Give-A-Damn gland dried up while I was paying taxes to support their neighbors – who obeyed the law, stood in line, and filled out all the necessary paperwork.  Karma’s a bitch!

Now, I’m gonna go cuddle on the couch with my Danish sled-dog, a hot toddy, and stream that Christmas, burning-log YouTube video, till I have to compose another post.  Happy Hygge!