Tag Archives: magic

by

’23 A To Z Challenge – N

I recently composed a post where I declared that it would be impossible to simplify and standardize the English language by using phonetic spelling, when there are groups of words like

not, knot, and naught

With well over a million words, it is inevitable that there are whole bunches of similar word-pairs and groups, with identical pronunciation, but different spellings and meanings.  How would phonetic spelling tell them apart??

I was recently made aware of a similar, related problem.  An IT Tech tried to convince me to use a voice-to-text app, to compose my posts.  I began to pay more attention to what I was seeing, and the results were dismaying, if often amusing.

In a video report about an auction of Nazi memorabilia, “Eva Braun’s dress” became have a bronze dress.  Alexa and Siri are only in kindergarten.  I’m going to wait until they and their AI friends graduate from university with an English Major diploma.

Knickerbockers were the predecessors of the magical Mormon underwear, with a Dutch accent.  In an era of Victorian prudery, they covered, with enough fabric to build a small tent.  Over time, both the clothing article and the word shrank in size, until the term, “knickers,” covered clothing articles like bikini briefs, G-strings, and thongs, which cover almost nothing.

For some reason, the British have seized upon this American term with the Dutch foundation, and use it widely.  Show us yer knickers.  But then, these are folks who think that Earl Grey tea has a vintage.

My osteopath owns a horse.  When she tells him about a proposed attempt at imposing phonetic spelling, he

NICKERS

  1. (of a horse) to neigh softly
  2. to laugh quietly; snigger    😀
by

Two Kinds Of One-Liners

There are two kinds of people….
….Those who can extrapolate to get extra information.

Logic is a systematic method….
….of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

After all is said and done….
….a Hell of a lot more is said than done.

My Dad was a failed magician….
….I also have two half-sisters.

I think the Origami Society is out of business….
….I heard they folded.

My flight back from Gibraltar to Glasgow has just been canceled….
….Now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place…

My friend failed his aboriginal music exam….
….I asked him, “Did you redo it?”

Just found out I failed my online German exam….
….Sacre bleu!

What’s a specimen?….
….An Italian astronaut.

And now, a one-liner from seven-year-old Archon
What three vegetables do we take to the bathroom?….
….Lettuce, turnip and pea.
I like to hope that my humour has matured a little in seven decades.

It’s not the rapid pace of life that worries me….
….It’s the sudden stop at the end.

I just visited a diabetes-awareness site, and it asked me if I accept cookies….
….Is that a trick question?

You can train a cat to do anything….
….that it wants to do.

You can tell that Monopoly is an old game….
….There’s a luxury tax, and the rich can go to jail.

Did you hear about the guy who lost his hearing aids?….
….WHAT???

The bartender told me that they were about to begin happy hour….
….so he asked me to leave.

A limbo champion walked into a bar….
….and was disqualified.

I feel very strongly about graffiti in toilet cubicles….
….so I signed a partition.

A man reading a thesaurus….
….saunters into a tavern.

They say that being a hostage is hard and mentally draining….
….I could do it with my hands tied behind my back.

What’s the difference between a Scotsman and a canoe?….
….A canoe tips.

My friend was killed by a falling piano….
….It was a low-key funeral.

At an interview once, I got asked to describe my life in a nutshell….
….I said, “It’s cramped and dark in here”.

I used to live paycheck to paycheck, but with hard work and perseverance….
….I now live direct deposit to direct deposit.

ILLITERATE!??….
….Write for free help, 232 Main St.

The first rule of the Micromanagement Club….
….is right at the top of the first page in this three-ring binder.

by

Tell Me If You’ve Heard This One – Ate

And the Word came to me from above – and from below, and from all sides – for the Word was ubiquitous.

Concoct – to prepare or make by combining ingredients, especially in cookery
to devise; make up; contrive; make up
The disturbance and interruption in the interrogation gave the suspect time to concoct an alibi.

Cruciverbalist – a designer, or aficionado of crossword puzzles
A word which describes me to a T, or a tee, or a tea
Even the most skilled cruciverbalist has trouble with the New York Times Sunday Crossword.

Ecocatastrophe – A disaster caused by changes in the environment
Polluting the water, and harming its wildlife, the Gulf oil spill was an ecocatastrophe.

Hippogriff – A fabulous creature resembling a griffin, but having the body and hind parts of a horse
A hippogriff named Bucklebeak features prominently in the Harry Potter series.

Mishpocha – Yiddish; An entire family network comprising relatives by blood and by marriage, and sometimes including close friends; clan
She invited the whole mishpocha to the Seder.

Mukluks – Soft boots worn by the Inuit, often lined with fur and usually made of sealskin or reindeer skin.
Her furry mukluks kept her feet warm during the winter.

Odious – deserving or causing hatred; hateful; detestable.
highly offensive; repugnant; disgusting.
The captured prisoners were given a particularly odious task.

Primogenitor – A first parent or earliest ancestor
A forefather or ancestor
Typewriters are the primogenitors of today’s computers.

Pestiferous – Bringing or bearing disease – pestilential – pernicious; evil
Informal; Mischievous, troublesome or annoying
Carrying salmonella and other diseases, houseflies can be pestiferous guests in your home.

Propine – (verb) To offer as a present
She was shopping for a housewarming gift; something perfect to propine to her new neighbors.

Pulchritudinous – Physically beautiful; comely
She looked pulchritudinous in her elegant ball gown.

Taradiddle – A small lie; a fib; pretentious nonsense
To avoid spoiling the birthday surprise, the mother told her young son a taradiddle.

Tiglon – The offspring of a male tiger and a female lion
Zoo staff were surprised and delighted when the mixed-race feline couple conceived a rare tiglon.
Personally, I’ve never encountered this word.  I’ve only heard of Liger, which, to me, seems to make more sense.

Watershed – An important point of division or transition between two phases, conditions, etc.
The Montgomery bus boycott was a watershed moment in the Civil Rights Movement.

Word is, it’s time for me to move on again.  Just follow the trail of bread cookie crumbs to my next post.

by

Questioning Christian

He’s only been on WordPress for a month.  His blog-site is definitely Christian, and he has found a bunch that definitely aren’t, so he came up with Five Questions For Non-Believers – how original.  Actually, it was Five Questions for…. You Know.  Wouldn’t say Shit if he had a mouthful, and apparently can’t even type the word Atheist.

1.  Would you say you are Convinced that God or gods do not exist, or simply that you don’t Believe that they do? (Two very different statements. The first applies to Knowledge, the second only to Belief)

1. Yes, to both. I have never been presented with sufficiently convincing evidence to cause belief. I am convinced that God/gods does not exist, in the same way, and to the same degree that I am convinced that fairies, genies, Bigfoot, unicorns and the Loch Ness monster do not exist.  I can not offer Absolute Proof, because a negative cannot be proved, and there is no Absolute proof of anything.

I  usually refrain from admitting that, because some smart-ass Apologist will spin it, use it as a wedge, and claim that I actually know that God exists, and have a little bit of belief.  No, I don’t!!

2. We’re you ever at one time in your life a Believer in God or Gods, and if so… which one or ones? (Mind you, I’m not asking at this time why you left, just did you previously Believe)

2.(Were – not We’re) No! Even 6 and 7 years old in Sunday school, and later in church, I heard pretty stories, but the ones that began, In the beginning sounded just like the ones that started, “Once upon a time.” It wasn’t till I became an adult that I was surprised to find that most others took them seriously.

3. Have you ever had any Experiences that might be described as “spiritual” or “supernatural” that others might see as “experiences with God”? And if so, what did you think of them at the time… and what do you think of them Now? (I apologize for the “3 in 1”. They seem linked to the same question, yes?)

3. No. In a naturalistic universe, I don’t even know how anyone could demonstrate or prove anything Supernatural. Spiritual is a word with too many definitions, and no real meaning.  Most such experiences can be shown to be neurological, or hormonally induced.  Even those that can’t are not justified in having “God” shoehorned in as an explanation.

4. How do you view those who do Believe in God or gods? Are they ‘brainwashed’, ‘stupid’ or just wrong? (I know the first two are ‘loaded’, but I’m looking for your mindset as well as what you perceive ours to be)

4. The more rabid the believer, the more likely they are ruled by desperation and egotism – the belief that they are so important in the cosmic scheme of things that they will not just wink out when it’s all over. It’s the constant fear of inevitable, inescapable, impending death.

“Brainwashed” is a loaded term, but Sunday schools do a great job of constant mental conditioning of impressionable children.  Very intelligent people believe many incorrect, unprovable things – and not all of it is religion.  It is far easier to convince someone of something, than it is to convince them that they are in error about it.  I don’t regard them as “wrong,” but, despite many requests, I still have not been shown proof that they are right.

5. What Evidence or Experience or Arguments would lead you to believe in God or gods generally… or Christianity specifically… if any? (Mind you, I’m not asking “Why you don’t believe”. I’m asking what would lead you to Believe)

5. The correct answer is, “I don’t know.” Arthur C. Clarke said, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” The Christian God – the God of the Bible – suffers from so many definitional contradictions as to be impossible.  Were He to exist, He would be an immoral asshole.  Richard Dawkins had 14 rather scathing adjectives for Him.  If He exists, He knows exactly what it would take to convince me that He exists.  Since He has failed to present such evidence for over 2000 years, either He does not exist – or – He is far less concerned with my acceptance of your claims than people like you are.  😯

by

’22 A To Z Challenge – W

I recently had a visit, and a lovely conversation with J. R. R. Tolkien.  It’s been delayed because of COVID19, and the fact that he’s been dead for a while.  For the letter W, in the A to Z Challenge, he (strongly) suggested that I go with a High Fantasy theme.  He said that, since I’d conjured him up, if I didn’t, he’d come back to haunt me, and force me to go on a quest for a ring that was quite different from the ones on my beer-can pull-tabs.  He felt that I should write about

WARLOCK

a man who professes or is supposed to practice magic or sorcery; a male witch; sorcerer.

a fortuneteller or conjurer.

WIZARD

a person who practices magic; magician or sorcerer.

a conjurer or juggler.

Also whiz, wiz  [wiz] . a person of amazing skill or accomplishment:

WYRD

The Old English term wyrd derives from a Proto-Germanic term *wurđíz.  Wyrd has cognates in Old Saxon wurd, and Old Norse urðr.  It used to refer to one or all of the three Greek Fates, and, while it is sparsely used, has come to mean fate, or, that which happens.  The word slowly became “weird,” and Shakespeare turned the Fates into the three prophetic witches – The Three Weird Sisters – in Macbeth.

WYVERN

a two-legged winged dragon having the hinder part of a serpent with a barbed tail.

Smaug, eat your heart out – but barbecue it with your breath first.

***

I knew it sounded familiar.  My apologies to my longer-term readers.  Apparently, I forgot to delete a few candidate-words from my blog-notes list, and managed to more-or-less replicate my W Challenge post from 2019.  Oops!  Sorry.  😳

by

Sweet Sixteen Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 may be worried that, if she puts up an electrified fence or landmines, she might injure a dog.  She sent me the following list of prompts to lie, by special courier, in a Hazardous Waste container.

  1. Why is St. Valentine’s Day observed on February 14th?

Because it comes right before Family Day on Feb. 15th and there’s nothing that causes more families than all that romantic snuggling the day before.

  1. According to legend, what is supposed to happen if a groundhog sees his shadow on February 2nd?

That means that Russia has invaded the Ukraine, and somebody has set off a nuke.  Anyone inside the radiation radius only has a few days till their hair falls out.  The guys decide to eat, drink, and make merry Mary, but Mary got mad and went home, so they jumped for Joy, and she left too.

  1. Whether you call it Mardi Gras or Pancake Day, what is the day after “Fat Tuesday” called?

It is named Contest Day, when my wife and the Catholic Church strive to see who can take away more of my life’s enjoyments.
The young couple got married, drove to Niagara Falls, and registered at a honeymoon hotel.  They peeled off their clothes and tumbled into bed – where he rolled away from her, and seemed ready to go to sleep.  She said, “Honey, we just got married.  Aren’t we going to have sex??”  He replied, “I can’t.  It’s Lent.”  She said, “To who??!  And for how long?”

  1. What does Presidents Day commemorate?

The fact that great past leaders have become less important and memorable than sales on sheets, pillowcases and blankets at Bed, Bath and Beyond.  We have nothing to fear but…. that Wal-Mart may price-match.  Ask not what your country can do for you…. besides providing 200 thread-count Percale sheets and eider comforters.

  1. What is the story of Beauty & the Beast about really?

It’s about two acts too long – really!  It’s part of a series of psychological conditioning books that prepare you for the Bible.  The Sleeping Beauty story gets you to accept the idea of the Magic Apple.   If you believe in talking dishes and lamps in this tale, you’re ready to believe in talking snakes and donkeys, and a loud, obnoxious dictator character with anger-management problems, who holds people against their will and torments them, but He will love them…. If only they obey and love Him first.

  1. What allows Peter Pan to fly?

It’s not the FAA, the TSA, or Strategic Air Command.  They only let Santa Claus invade airspace.  I think that it might be the amount of meth that he tweaks, and the fact that he won’t stay in rehab.  …and you see fairies, and pirates, and crocodiles, and alarm clocks??!  Sure you do!  Here, try on this special jacket while we try to get you officially committed.

  1. Why did the princess kiss the frog?

She thought that doing it a second time might get rid of those genital warts.  😳

  1. What is Pinocchio about?

After Sleeping Beauty, and Beauty and the Beast, it’s the third in the series of children’s mental formative books.  Thou shalt be forever manipulated by an invisible string-puller, and….  Thou shalt not bear false witness.  Thou shalt not take the Lord’s name in vain.  Thou shalt not steal.  Thou shalt not covet.  Thou shalt obey Big Brother – even when he is Father O’Grady.

  1. Why did Little Boy Blue need to blow his horn?

Because the inattentive idiot ahead of him was texting while driving, and got so distracted that he failed to move when the traffic-light went green.  It didn’t work, so Little Boy Blue called his dad, the Man In Blue, who rushed over, wailed his siren, and gave the Facebook updater two $300 tickets for obstructing traffic, and unsafe operation.

  1. Why did Jack and Jill go up the hill?

Supposedly, to fetch a pail of water – but water runs downhill – you’d fetch it from the bottom.  I think that it was so that they could book a room with cash in the No-Tell Motel, which is right next to The Stag Shop, where they picked up some edible panties, K-Y lubricant, and a couple of Adult Toys.  😯

by

What If??  What If?? What If??

Oh goody!  We’re going to play a game of What If.  I have not been amused or entertained by one of those for years.

Let’s say you were in a naval battle in the middle of the ocean and your ship was destroyed so you are in very cold water. You know that you need to act now to get on a ship or you will die. Now there are 4 ships that you can swim to. But it looks like all the ships are very badly damaged and unlikely to be seaworthy enough to save you. It’s hard to tell from your position but as best you can tell one ship has a 5% chance but the others have less than a 2% chance of being seaworthy enough to save you. 

What do you do? Do you think well no one has “proven” or “verified” that any of these ships will save me so I might as well die in the water? Or do you start swimming to the ship that gives you a five percent chance (the best shot)? I think that is the obvious choice. You are not in a position to demand “proofs” or “verification.” You just have to make do with the information you have. 

I think this is analogous to the situation we are in when it comes to how we should live. We can’t pause our life until someone can prove how we are supposed to live. We choose to act or not act all the time. And we can’t insist on verification or proof beyond what we have. We just have to take our best shot. 

For me I think following Christ’s teachings is the “best shot.” I may wish I had better evidence or proofs but reality does not bend to my wishes. The rational person bends his beliefs and actions to reality.

People often believe that they are thinking, when all they’re really doing is rearranging their prejudices.  So, you’re going to dream up a scenario that is so outlandish and restrictive, that it makes your already-decided-on choice look good barely acceptable.

I am disturbed that you would advocate a selection with a 95% chance of failure, but, as you inferred, It’s (barely) better than nothing.  Desperation is not considered a good method of choice.  It usually results in wrong decisions.  Even choice is a bad method.  You can attend a Christian church, and repeat all the magic words, but it won’t produce the honest, true-hearted Belief that the unwritten rules call for.

I’d like to ask what mechanism you used to determine what percentage of success your choice, both in real life and in your specious analogy, had.  I see none, other than desperation and gullibility – only an unproven claim.

Unlike your fantasy-novel format, in real life it is both possible and advisable to do some research, so that you don’t end up in these religious shipwreck scenarios.

What if that water isn’t as cold and deep as you believe?  What if you were just told that, by the guy who runs the life-preserver franchise?  What if, no matter which ship you swam to, it sank and drowned you?  What if the ship you chose was an enemy vessel, and the agents of Allah tortured you to death?  What if you stopped panicking, and used your strength and determination to swim toward the big orange rubber raft that the rescue helicopter just dropped, labelled Reason/Reality?  What if you’re not Captain James T. Kirk, and there just is no right answer?

What if you summarily dismiss all of my What Ifs, because you think that they sound almost as silly as your What Ifs??!

by

Crafty Beer One-liners

Spilling a beer is….
…the adult equivalent to losing a balloon.

Please do not pet the peeves.

It’s like Harry Potter said….
….Expensive petroleum.

I accidently swallowed a bottle of invisible ink….
….Now I’m sitting in Emergency, waiting to be seen.

Do you need a current licence….
….to drive an electric vehicle?

The first rule of micro-manager club is….
….here, I’ll just show you.

I went swimming in the mall fountain….
….Good money in that.

I needed a password eight characters long….
….so I picked Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs.

You call them swear words….
….I call them sentence enhancers.

I love working out….
….Today I did abs….olutely nothing.

Warning: Going to sleep Sunday night….
….will cause Monday.

Today is a good day to….
….have a good day.

Shout-out to ATM fees….
….for making me buy my own money.

Do not read the next sentence….
….You little rebel, I like you.

Kids today are named like ‘Tony’….
….but spell it ‘Toughkneigh.’

(Reality protrusion – American couple just named their daughter Reighfyl, and pronounce it ‘rifle.’)

Eat alphabet soup….
….Have a vowel movement.

Why am I the only naked person….
….at this gender reveal party?

Time travellers’ meeting….
….Last Thursday, 11 P. M.

The problem with censorship….
….is XXXXXXX

What is the best Christmas present?….
….A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.

The Self-Deprecation Society is looking for new members….
….I’ve already put myself down.

The wife’s friend confused her birth control pills with her Valium….
….She has 16 kids, but she doesn’t care.

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited over nothing….
….and then they marry him.

When we go out, I always hold the wife’s hand….
….If I let go, she shops.

Charity begins at home….
….and usually stays there.

Behind every angry woman….
….stands a man who has no idea what he did wrong

I’m going to start collecting highlighters….
….Mark my words.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she’d ever been with….
….She said, “Yes.  All the others were nines and tens”

Don’t irritate old people….
….The older we get, the less ‘Life in Prison’ is a deterrent.

by

Tempest In A Theological Teapot

I recently read a rant about gender reassignment.  https://shadowtolight.wordpress.com/2022/03/22/one-simple-question-for-woke-atheists/  The author, and six or eight of his testosterone-infused followers had their Theistic jock-straps in a bunch, because Thomas had become Lia.  He titled it One Simple Question For Woke Atheists.  I asked how the title had anything to do with the existence of Atheists, or God.

I got back:  Atheists insist “there is no evidence for god.” Entailed in their atheism is the notion that all beliefs about reality should be supported by convincing evidence. And, personal feelings, personal testimony, personal experience, intuition, etc. do NOT count as evidence.

Woke people believe Thomas is a woman because he, I mean she, says so and if you dare to disagree with Thomas, it is because you are an evil, transphobic, bigot.

I’m looking to see if the Woke atheism is a coherent, reasonable position or whether it is inherently irrational due to its arbitrary, make-it-up-as-you-go, essence. That is, either come up with another way to define atheism or provide the evidence that Lia Thomas is a woman. Of course, I already know that Woke atheism is irrational, so I’m just illustrating it.

Atheism is the lack of belief in God, or gods.  Everything else is something else!  There is no “Woke Atheism”!  There is a Woke point of view, and it is shared by Atheists and Christians alike.  People who accept Atheism, are also likely to support Lia, but there are many Atheists who do not.  Conversely, there are many ‘Good Christians’ who would.  Woke or not, this is not “an Atheist position,” any more than Westboro Baptist Church protesting at a serviceman’s funeral, is a Christian one.

The difference between believing in God, and believing in Thomas as a woman is that, God is external, and Lia is internal.  God is subjective, and Lia is objective.

If God exists, He is outside: outside each believer, outside the Universe, outside Nature, and outside reality.  If you claim that He is real, you’d better come with some solid evidence.  All your faith, and belief, and claims, and hopes, and wants, and needs are not going to magick Him, or my acceptance, into existence.  Nothing is made-up-as-we-go.

Personal feelings, personal testimony, personal experience, intuition, etc. do NOT count as evidence, when applied to something outside yourself.  They are, however, the only valid way to know what is happening in anyone’s mind.  Lia could state that she is a Cincinnati Reds fan, a non-smoker, a vegetarian, and likes heavy metal music, and you have to accept that.  And if she says that she feels more like a girl than a guy despite the plumbing, just as she feels more like voting for Biden than Trump – that’s an objective proof.  You have to accept it, even if you are a dyed-in-the-wool Republican.  She is, and will remain, the best judge of what she thinks, feels, and believes.  She identifies as a female personality, trapped in a male body.

I and other Atheists are approached by Apologists demanding that we Prove Atheism, or Prove Atheism is true.  They seem to feel that, like Christianity, Atheism should have an all-encompassing worldview, with tenets and dogma and scripture, and leaders.  That is not the case.  It is a position on one single point – the lack of belief in a God, or gods.  Atheists have not been presented with sufficiently convincing evidence.  I can quickly and accurately ‘Prove’ my Atheism.  I do not accept your ridiculous claims about your imaginary friend.  That is honest and true, and objectively valid.

by

’21 A To Z Challenge – V Twofer

’21 Reading Challenge
Vanquished

I read somewhere…. That I read somewhere.  In a vain attempt to brag (Are there any other kinds??!) about all my free time in retirement, I present a rogues’ gallery of the books I read last year.


Gregg Loomis – The First Casualty

Tom Clancy’s series

Line of Sight


Oath of Office

Enemy Contact


Code of Honor


Lee Child – Blue Moon


Lee Child – The Sentinel

Gregg Hurwitz – Out of the Dark
Gregg Hurwitz – Hell Bent

Nick Petrie – Burning Bright
Nick Petrie – Light It Up
Nick Petrie – Tear It Down

Ilona Andrews – Sweep Of The Blade

Ilona Andrews – Sweep With Me

Ilona Andrews – Magic Steals

Ilona Andrews – Blood Heir

Steve Berry – The 14th Colony

Steve Berry – The Lost Order
Steve Berry – The Bishop’s Pawn

Raymond Khoury – The Templar Salvation

Mark Greaney – Gunmetal Grey
Mark Greaney – Agent in Place

Crawford Killian – The Empire of Time

Mark Greaney – Agent In Place

Eric Flint – The Course Of Empire

Mike Massa – River Of Night

Grant Blackwood – War Hawk

James Rollins – The Demon Crown

James Rollins – Crucible

H. Beam Piper – Paratime

H. Beam Piper – Lord Kalvan Of Otherwhen

Philip K. Dick – The Zap Gun

A.E. van Vogt – Masters Of Time

James S. A. Corey – Persepolis Rising

James S. A. Corey – Tiamat’s Wrath

John Brunner – Time Jump

John Brunner – Total Eclipse

Kenneth Bulmer – The Key To Venudine

Neal Stephenson – The Rise And Fall Of D.O.D.O.

Crawford Killian – Red Magic

Seth Andrews – Sacred Cows

Herman Melville – Bartleby The Scrivener
*
Edgar Allen Poe – The Cask of Amontillado

Mark Twain – Letters From The Earth

Ward Bowlby – A Canadian’s Travels To Egypt