These Are Some Of My Favorite…. Oxymorons

I added the prefix Oxy to the word morons, because I don’t want some Cancel Culture Cowboy, astride a big, white Woke to come riding in.  I always appreciate a good post about English usage – and misusage – but the language has subtle nuances, and sometimes we are presented with false dichotomies.  Let the rant begin.

Assistant supervisor

No contradiction here!  Most organizations have more than one person in charge.  Some of them have more authority than others and require a helper to administrate it.

New tradition

How many times does it take to qualify as a tradition??  Even if this is the first time, it is hoped and planned that this new Tradition will continue.

Original copy

The valuable, irreplaceable “original” is locked in a safe.  This is the authorized first copy, from which all other copies must be made, to prevent photocopy smudging.

Plastic glass

Several things are identified as (a) glass, including a magnifying glass, a mirror, and a drinking container.  All of them were originally made of glass, but technology marches on, and we need an adjective to point out the difference.

Uninvited guest

One does not require an invitation to become a guest.  If you allow an unexpected person into your home/wedding reception, they are your guest.

Highly depressed

As opposed to ‘mildly depressed.’  There is no disagreement here.  One word does not relate to the other.

Live Recording

For all the pirates who download digital copies of digital copies, of digital copies, this tape was made in a studio, when the artist(s) was there.

Authentic reproduction

This has to do with sales, and copyrights.  It is not the original, but it is produced by a licensed, authorized agent.

Partial ceasefire

Some do!  Some don’t!  There is less gunfire now than there was previously – partial, not total – what’s your problem??

Limited lifetime guarantee

Better expressed as Lifetime limited guarantee, the limits are on what is guaranteed, not the lifetime.

Elevated subway

When I go to downtown Toronto, I usually park at a mall, way out in the suburbs.  I take an escalator up 20 feet, and board a train which, within a block, plunges underground – an elevated subway.

Dry lake

It once had water.  It may again someday.  Lake:  a body of water, or something resembling it  Like a ‘damn lake’ instead of a ‘damned lake,’ a Dry lake is clearer vernacular than a Dried (or dried-up) lake.

True replica

See ‘Authentic Reproduction,’ above – it’s a “real fake!”

Forward lateral

The movement of something – usually a football – sideways, which unintentionally also results in forbidden forward movement.  Football rules cover it.  No need to throw a language flag also.

Standard options

Standard options are paint color and cup-holders.  Non-standard options include a xylophone, and ’60’s shag carpet.  They are available, with special orders and extra charges.

Old news

It was NEWs when we first heard it.  Now it’s just vernacular to indicate that we’ve heard it all before.

Small crowd

How many does it take to be a crowd??!  A tight group of 20 is certainly a smaller crowd than 2000.

Free gift

If it’s not free, then undoubtedly, it’s not a gift.  This is just redundant hyperbole marketing ad-speak.  Get used to it.  They lie to us all the time.  😳

Completely surround

Again, not an oxy, you moron.  This is an emphasis, guaranteeing no leakages.

Most unique

Every strangely-garbed, potential contestant on “Let’s Make A Deal” is unique – one-of-a-kind – but the guy in the full scuba suit, with the inverted ice cream cone smashed down on his head, is least like any of the others – Most unique!

Now that I’ve picked a bushel of nits, I think I’ll fry them in garlic butter, and serve them with some fava beans, and a nice Chianti.

’24 A To Z Challenge – C

As the housewife said to the kettle, when she saw that it had boiled dry….

O I C U R MT

Once upon a time, the definition of “Dictionary”, in the dictionary, was not “Dictionary.”  Despite three similar but different religions – Greek, Eastern Orthodox (Russian), and Roman – using it to identify themselves, the word Catholic means universal in extent; involving all; of interest to all.

Five Hundred years or more ago, The (Roman) Catholic Church compiled definitions and meanings of ALL the words and phrases – at least all the Holy, Religious ones – let the peasant rabble speak what vernacular they wished.  Since all the important meanings were included, they called it The

CATHOLICON

It was more than a mere book, or single volume.  Copies of it consisted of small libraries.  Like Samuel Johnson’s later Dictionary, social, political, and religious commentary was added to the meanings.  Johnson’s definition of Oats was, a cereal grass, which in England feeds horses, but in Scotland, it feeds the men.  An English baron exclaimed, “But what horses!  And what men!

What I’m going to do is Decide on a suitable word choice for the letter D.  I would be de-lighted (placed in the dark) if one of my readers made a suggestion.  D-cells?  D-cups??!  Defenestrate??  No, that one’s out the window.  😉

’24 A To Z Challenge – B

Some cultures and languages seem very definite, and sure of themselves – Greek, French, Russian, and Chinese.  Others are not so confident.  I’m Jew-ish.  I’m Engl-ish.  I’m a drunken sot Ir-ish.

None of which has any relationship or reference to this week’s Wonderful Word

BRANDISH

This is not a fluid which thinks that it is kinda, sorta, a spirit distilled from wine or from the fermented juice of grapes or of apples, peaches, plums, etc.  The word is not an adjective.  It is a verb which means

To shake or wave, as a weapon- flourish

The most terrifying weapon to shake, wave or flourish, in the United States of Marshmallow America, has become the video camera, mounted on a supporting staff, wielded by Civil Rights Auditors in public spaces.  They drive cops and security guards nuts, and many of them start barking unlawful orders and restrictions.

After one storm trooper was shown that he was wrong, and the auditor’s actions were protected by the First, Fourth, and Fifth Amendments, he shouted, “Oh yeah??  What if I just took that away from you, and erased it all?”  The cammer calmly replied, “Then you would learn about things like *upload to the cloud*, and live-streaming.  There are about 125 people watching you right now, and you would learn the consequences of attempting to tamper with evidence.”

In the waiting area of another Government office, the security guard insisted that videotaping in that area was absolutely, positively, completely prohibited.  He, and several of the customers loudly objected to being recorded – even after the cammer pointed to the two CCTV cameras in the ceiling.

Why the fuss??  Were they doing something immoral or illegal??  It’s all part of the process by leaders to maintain control of the masses, by polarizing them, and keeping them frightened.  More and more minor things are panicking Americans.

They came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew, so I said nothing.
They came for the Catholics, but I was not Catholic, so I said nothing.
They came for the Gypsies, but I was not a Gypsy, so I said nothing.
Now they have come for me, but there is no-one to say anything.

Don’t let your rights be stolen from you.  Stand up and brandish your citizenship, your Constitution and Bill of Rights, and your determination to be governed, but not Ruled Over.  😦

Alphabetic Fibbing Friday

Last week, Pensitivity101 said that it was time for an A B C.
Definitions for these words please (but your responses can start with any letter):

1. Abomasum

I just didn’t have the stomach to dream up a silly definition for this word.  It’s not like I’m some dumb cow, just delivering on demand.

2. Absquatulate

That’s the workout procedure that the wife is trying to get me to do.  My idea of exercise is a good, brisk sit.  ”Overweight” is what hangs past my belt.

3. Amphisbaena

This is a child’s – and sometimes adults’ – unreasonable aversion to taking a bath.

4. Antimacassar

Composed mostly of wives who are not allowed to accompany their husbands to the pub, this is an action group which is trying to prevent Scottish men from making drunken fools of themselves.  😮  As if!  Might as well try to legislate that the sky is green.

5. Atingle

The wife claims that I’m not a very good DIY electrician.  Well, she’s in for a shock.

6. Bailiwick

Bailiwick is the brand name of the pail-sized citronella candles that Canadian campers use to ward of backwoods mosquitoes that are big enough to molest seagulls.

7. Bafflegab

Any of Donald Trump’s speeches or Tweets.  (Do we call them Xs now??)  Comprestand??!  Covfefe!  😮

8. Calliope

This is a stew from Kenya, which the wife discovered the recipe for. It’s delicious, but a little difficult to get the gnu meat for.

9. Cornucopia

That’s the college that the wife’s podiatrist went to.

10. Cryptozoology

This is the modern collection of the strange and weird, NFT, digital, online creatures.  You have to pay with Bitcoin, to be allowed to view them.

***

So, what are you doing for Easter??

Oh, just hangin’ around.

’23 A To Z Challenge – Z

I don’t hate everybody….
I don’t know everybody!
People are perverts….all except me – and possibly you.

One day last year, Dictionary.com reported increases in the number of look-ups for several words.  Some were political, like MAGA, and Antifa.  The research on them was understandable.  The word

ZOOLAGNIA

Had had an 1800% increase in research.

First, I had to know WHAT.  The Psychological Dictionary describes it as carnal attraction to animals.  Then I wanted to know WHY.  Just what, and where, had something occurred, that spurred an 18-times increase in interest in that term. Perhaps it was only one guy last month, and 19 this month, but still….  When I went back to double-check the exact definition, Dictionary.com no longer admits that the word even exists.

I never found out, and it’s probably just as well.  The guy at my last job who brought in animal porn, was convicted of raping his teenage daughter.  He tried to race me on my motorcycle from a traffic light and cut me off, with his full-size van.  Several years later, apparently someone knocked on his door, and then shot him dead.  It seems that someone hated him even more than I did.  👿

’23 A To Z Challenge – U

Tom Jones said, It’s Not Unusual

and he was right.  The word for this week is not ‘Unusual.’  It’s not even really unusual.  It’s just a little archaic.  Fresh off a Christmas and New Year’s feast soaked in turkey fat, I give you the word

UNCTUOUS

1. characterized by excessive piousness or moralistic fervor, especially in an affected manner; excessively smooth, suave, or smug.
2. of the nature of or characteristic of an unguent or ointment; oily; slippery or greasy
3. affecting an oily charm

“How like a fawning publican he looks.”  A publican being an innkeeper or pub (public house) owner – a distinction without much of a difference – a businessman who had to wrangle an establishment full of drunken customers for his income, without driving them away.  A little butt-kissing seldom went astray.  The difference between a brown-noser and a shithead – is just depth perception.

Publicans were not the only ones to perfect this art.  Many politicians, Christian Apologists, religious leaders, salesmen – con-men, again, not much difference.  Recently, that began to change.  Oh, there are still lots who seem to have graduated from Shell Oil U, or Wesson College, but more and more are becoming outspoken, rude, and aggressive, turning to bombast and vitriol.  The servile have become volatile.

Whether in politics, or religion, he who shouts the loudest, and hurls the nastiest insult, carries the debate.  These guys…. actually, the women are getting to be just as bad – I’m looking at you, Lauren Boebert – are as polarized as the plugs on my lamp cords.  There is no give, although many are still busy taking.  Donald Trump is not the cause of the American social and political decline.  He is merely a symptom.  In the United States, citizens have the right to remain silent, but far too few have the ability.  Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be.  😮

’23 A To Z Challenge – S

S S S S S S s s s s s s

That hissing sound that you hear is the all the inspiration and creativity, leaking out of my head.

Here follows a tale of woe – of procrastination and poor planning.

With two weeks of lead time, I didn’t have a Challenge post for the letter S ready for Monday.

With two additional days of lead time, I still didn’t have one ready for Wednesday, and refurbished an old joke I told five years ago.

When I dropped the TILWROT post on Monday, it was all about names/words, and their meanings.  It’s not good form to then follow it with yet another one about definitions and word history.  I should have chosen one more socially significant, to interest my readers.

I have lists of arcane and archaic words for each of the letters of the alphabet.  Usually, it’s easy to pick one, and wrap a little (his)story around it.  Not so this year, with the letter S.  I just couldn’t get inspired.  I had the following list.

Seemly
Sough
Sciential
Scientism
Somnolent
Stodgy
Stolid
Stultify
Saxatile

I thought I might do something with SAXATILE – living or growing on or among rocks or stones, but even Rocky Mountain spotted fever is more interesting and exciting.  Who wants to read a story about moss and lichens, although….

The ‘Manna” that is mentioned in the Bible has been found to be a quick-growing form of lichen – a symbiotic mixture of tiny algae vegetation, and small fungus.  It would grow on the warm desert sand overnight, and break down and vanish in the heat of the day.  See, no miracles involved.  😮

TILWROT IV

Don’t ask how I did it, but, while researching the name “Buccari,” I came upon the name Prester.  It was linked to the name Prester John.  Prester John is a 1910 adventure novel by the Scottish author John Buchan. It tells the story of a young Scotsman named David Crawfurd and his adventures in South Africa, where a Zulu uprising under the charismatic black minister John Laputa is tied to the medieval legend of Prester John.

Prester John (Latin: Presbyter Johannes) was a legendary Christian patriarch, presbyter, and king. Stories popular in Europe in the 12th to the 17th centuries told of a Nestorian patriarch and king who was said to rule over a Christian nation lost amid the pagans and Muslims in the Orient.

As you may guess, Prester is a diminutive of Presbyter – which means an older man – a (Church) Elder.

***

Something slapped me awake from my afternoon nap.  I soon discovered that it was the word/name Waring.  It took a minute or so to attach it to the word ‘blender,’ one of many kitchen appliances manufactured by Waring Commercial Products.

Always eager to fill my head with useless trivia, I wondered at the name’s meaning.  Did it refer to the manufacture and/or sale of goods and merchandise – “wares?”  It turns out that it is a verb/gerund that means protecting or guarding – the basis for words like ‘wary,’ or ‘beware,’ as we protect and guard ourselves from harm.

The name Mainwaring does not refer to the biggest fort, or the strongest vault, but was given to people from the property or estate of a Waring family.

***

A Horse Is A Horse, Of Course, Of Course

A dobbin is always a horse – but in England, it also used to be a cup, mug, or similar drinking vessel capable of holding a gill, or half a cup.  In New Zealand, it may still be, a trolley to transport sheared fleece from the shearing shed, to the processing plant – from the dobbin, to the bobbin.

***

Oh, don’t be such a pussy.

A misogynistic 80% of people who hear or use that term, think that it refers to a female sex-organ.  The remaining, cat-hating 20% think that it refers to small felines.  100% of them are wrong.

I published a post where I showed that the English language was becoming shorter, tighter, and the grandiose words of the 19^th Century were being left by the wayside.  Until the 1920s/’30s, the upper crust might have used the word pusillanimous – lacking courage or resolution; cowardly; faint-hearted; timid. proceeding from or indicating a cowardly spirit. characterized by a lack of courage or determination.

First, it shrank until part of it was pronounced pyew-zee, like doozy – for the Duisenberg car.  Then the minds and mouths of the masses further mutated it to pussy.  A descriptive adjective became an offensive noun.

Definition Of Proof

You Atheists say that you don’t believe in God because there’s no good evidence.  What would you consider to be a good reason to believe?

The correct answer is, God knows, in both senses!

I don’t believe in ‘God’, because I don’t understand what God is, or what it means to even say that a God exists.  So, what I’m looking for is not only good reasons to believe that a god exists, but, first and foremost, a definition of a god, and an explanation of what it means to say that one exists, that I can recognize as coherent.

The more smart-ass Christian Apologists like to add the gotcha phrase – in the possibility of the existence of God.  To an honest interlocutor, I will admit that there is no way to prove 100% positively, that “God” does not exist, but these desperate Liars For Christ will seize upon that tiny, slim chance, and shout, “There, you see?  You really DO believe in God – at least a little bit!” when I really don’t.  If I get angry or frustrated with their silly claims and say “My God,” or “God damn,” they jump right back with, “See, you said My God, so that proves that you really do believe in Him.” completely missing the point that, even if I believed in A god – MY god – I still wouldn’t believe in their God.  If you don’t believe in God, who do you give thanks to on Thanksgiving?  “Thank” is an intransitive verb.  It does not require an object, certainly not “God.’

While such debaters think that they have posed a really smart question, it is in fact, quite silly and stupid.  If Atheists knew of a good reason to believe in God – THEY WOULD BELIEVE IN GOD.  The fact that they don’t, means that they have never been presented with a convincing reason.  It is not Atheists’ responsibility to do Apologists’ job, and it’s not our fault that Theists can’t.

Many Apologists reject “Science” as if it were an entity in itself, or a conspiracy theory, because it posits information which contradicts what their religion claims.

Science is certain of Nothing, and requires proof of everything!
Religion is certain of Everything, and requires proof of nothing!

’23 A To Z Challenge – R

My surname says that I am descended from a blacksmith.  I claim that my retirement avocation is as a wordsmith.  I thought that, for the letter R, I might introduce you to some of the less well-known members of the Smith clan, beginning with

REDSMITH

The term “redsmith” is used for a tinsmith that uses tinsmithing tools and techniques to make copper items.  Also see coppersmith. 

A tinsmith is a person who makes and repairs things made of tin or other light metals. The profession may sometimes also be known as a tinner, tinker, tinman, or tinplate worker; whitesmith may also refer to this profession.

A whitesmith is a metalworker who does finishing work on iron and steel such as filing, lathing, burnishing or polishing.  The term also refers to a person who works with “white” or light-colored metals, and is sometimes used as a synonym for tinsmith.

First, an apology to all my American readers.  A Canadian submitter to Wikipedia claims that whitesmith is the opposite of blacksmith.  We are sadly aware that Yobs with two-digit IQ levels reside north of the border also.  That’s like asking what the color of number 14 is.  There is no opposite of blacksmith!!  If there were, it wouldn’t be ‘whitesmith.’  The opposite of hard-working ‘blacksmith’ would be Cheeto-eating, MMRP-playing couch-potato.  Ya coulda just kept yer mouth shut, and people wouldn’t know that yer an idiot!

All us ‘Smiths’ are fabricators of something or other.  I better go finish fabricating a Wednesday post, before I have to fabricate an excuse why all the Cheetos and beer are gone.  CU then!  😎