Fibbing Friday’s Shot

 

Here is Pensitivity101’s final selection chosen from the site put forward by Archon’s Den.
Give ’em your best shot please!

1. Sardoodledom

This is the art of making toy cars for your kids, using empty smoked-fish tins.

2. Callithumpian

This is Donald Trump’s presidential campaign on the west coast.

3. Turdiform

Is the Poop-N-Scoop citation you receive for not picking up after your dog in the park.

4. Persiflage

This is speed-reading a novel, instead of slowly savoring it for body and nuance.

5. Palpebrous

This describes the guy who, singlehandedly, caused the beginning of the Feminist movement.  His real name was (Leonard) Lennie, but all the women called him Hans.  He slid his fingers up one gal’s skirt, and she exclaimed, “Heavens above.”  He replied, “I know, love.  I’ll be there soon enough.”

6. Chary

Chary is the Latin word for the horse – or one of a team – that pulled the two-wheeled chariots.

7. Malapert

Malapert was Madame Malaprop’s husband.

8. Dowsabel

Dowsabel is a small fire, which you can put out yourself, by just throwing a glass of water on it.

9. Maquillage

Maquillage is the French word for Makeup, and the French make up stuff all the time.  They pretend that ditch gleanings like frogs’ legs and snails, are not only food, but gourmet food – must be all the wine.  Napoleon’s invasion campaign was not about territory or political power.  He was just trying to get some nice German strudel, and Russian latkes.

10. Dysania

Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.  It’s said that insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting to get different results.  Dysania is when you do the same thing, especially at work, and get different results.
This is not a real job.
If this were a real job, you could expect pay rises, bonuses, and personal approbation.

Direct Fibbing Friday

Last week Pensitivity101 was directed to a site recommended by fellow blogger Archons Den.
Who, Little Old Meeee??   😎
These are the first batch she selected for your definitions and thoughts please:

1. Groak

None of this, “Kiss me, and I’ll turn into a prince, rot!”  This is what frogs really say, often, just before they become lunch at a bistro.

2. Nefelibata

This was the female child of the Egyptian goddess, Nefertiti.  The Woke brigade are trying to amend all history books to give her name as Neferbosom.  😮

3. Paranymph

The wife of one of two physicians – Paradox – in a medical partnership.

4. Flummery

This is the expulsion of copious amounts of natural gas, after a good feed of baked beans.  If foods with Sulphur, like egg yolks, are also consumed, the RSPCA will show up to ensure that it doesn’t get blamed on the dog.

5. Sirenize

Hurrying down Interstate 75 a bit faster than all the other traffic??  The State Troopers will sonically let you know that it’s not a good idea, with a better noise than that British coppers’ Wee-Waw, Wee-Waw.  I say old chap, could you see your way clear to pull over?

6. Carker

He’s the parking valet at a low-rent hotel.  As their sign says, Please remember what your parking attendant looks like.  We don’t employ one!

7. Smatchet

Get arrogant, or just oblivious, and run a red light.  This is how your car, and probably several others, will end up.  Put the damned cell-phone down!

8. Shivviness

A noun to describe knife fights and inmate murders in prisons.

9.Sprauncy (Sproncy)

This is the word I use to describe my personal appearance/style – also called shabby chic.  The wife says I look like I combed my hair with a pillow.  ‘Pigpen’ from the Peanuts cartoon strip has blocked me on Facebook, and as I walked past a Salvation Army Thrift Store, a clerk came out and offered me a free makeover.

10. Druxy

This is how you feel when you pick up a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for the family, on your way home, and then have to hide the empty box when you get there.

 

’23 A To Z Challenge – Y

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.   I am caught on a cleft stick.  Y do I get myself in these predicaments?  Y don’t I plan ahead, and work ahead??  Y??  Because we love you!

M  I  C  K  E  Y
A  R  C  H  O  N

Recently I’ve had some trouble coming up with ideas for blog-themes.  I am not above accepting random prompts.  A couple of years ago, Daniel Digby, over at The Infrequent Atheist challenged me to do something with/about the word

YCLEPT

A careful study has revealed that it is impossible, but here I go, anyway.
‘Clept’ or ‘cleped,’ is a Middle English verb that simply means, “named.”  I don’t know why they couldn’t just say so.  The ‘Y’ prefix indicates ‘to’ or ‘toward.’  A high school Literature text included a reference to a ‘Star ypointing pyramid.’

Women who marry, or die, often have the word ‘nee’ (or née) added to their notification.  It’s a French word that does not precisely mean ‘previously named,’ but rather, “born,” as, that was the surname they were born with.

Atheist and Pagan children, as well as all other non-Christian babies, are not “christened,” or assigned “Christian” names.  They are designated identifying first, given names.  In today’s increasingly cosmopolitan North American culture, it is not a good idea to ask for someone’s “Christian” name – far better to refer to ‘first’ name, or ‘given’ name.

I have been named the best author on this entire blog-site – as well as a few epithets from Richard Pryor videos.  Let’s call it a day.  😎

What Does This Say About You – II

Another assault on the English language, proving that some people talk a good game, but can’t write it down fer shit.

Pros

This made Warner Bros. very weary of its prospects – I’d be wary about using weary.

She had several nervous ticks – but they knew how to spell tics.

After given it all up – but he wasn’t giving up poor spelling.

When you grab your first prise – I prize correct spelling.

Throw off the wheel breaks, and let it fly – I hate to break it to you, but they’re brakes.

Around twice the volume of Lake Eerie – Now, that’s scary!

He graves the cover of Celebrity Scarves – By the grace of ??!, I hope I don’t.

This gave children had access – to too many words.

His name was never been established – Live by the word, die by the word.

Before he was Marchty McFly in ‘Back to the Future’ – he spelled it Marty.

Helen Mirren treaded the boards – In my dictionary, she trod them

Name Genellan means truley, wisedom, attractive speecher – truly, an attractive speaker with wisdom would spell better.

Amateurs

The driver was sighted by police – looking up the meaning of cited.

Out of no wear, and unprovoked – He probably got break-checked.

There was a girl who’s name was Ada – but whose textbook disagreed.

Most of the mails in the family are overweight – and have been, for a long wrong spell.

Watch her poor it into the cup – It’s a cupful of poor spelling

Horses lay down.  Don’t call 911 – That sign is wrong.  No lie.

Imagen being placed in a suit – Just imagine if you spelled it correctly.

I was going to be solved like a rubix cube – you spelled Erno Rubik’s name wrong.

Did you spot the head not? – I did nod spot it.

I was in otter shock – I bet the otter was shocked, too.

He just couldn’t phantom the idea – It was too deep for him – an entire fathom.

She was upsest with Bon Jovi – not angry – while I was obsessed with that misspelling.

He banged his head, and got a Caucasian. – Rats!  I only got a concussion.

I saw the meatier shower last night – It was perverted.

Make the right decition – I decided to spell it decision.

She wore her sexy linguini – Ooh, edible undies, how kinky.

She ordered chilled Gestapo soup. –  I hope not in a Jewish neighborhood.

Blow something into a Bolivian – Oblivion!  The word you want is oblivion.

😮

Cowboy Humor

I thought that we should start the new year with some humor and comedy.  We may need it later on.   😀

• A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
  ‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.
  ‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.
  On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
  I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll beat the crap out of all of you!

St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?

‘Couple of minutes ago.

***

HOW CANADIANS CONFUSE THE WORLD

We measure outside temp. in Celsius, and oven temp. in Fahrenheit.
We measure length in meters, and our height in feet.
Cheese is weighed in kilograms, but people in pounds.
We speak like Americans, spell like Brits, and throw in random French words.

In Canada, “friends with benefits” means a neighbor with a snowblower.

An angel asked God what He was doing.
“Making Canadians.”
“Aww, they’re so nice.
“Oh yeah” said God.  “Watch this.” as He dropped a hockey puck.

Restaurant owners must maintain a clean kitchen.  You have to scoop your dog’s poop.  You can’t send a child to school with lice or chicken pox.  You can’t drive drunk, or light a fire in an apartment hallway.  Public health has always come before personal freedoms.

My favorite season is when all the mosquitoes are dead.

Canadian Thanksgiving Day is reserved to give thanks that we are not American.

Canadian; I want to live forever.
Genie; I can’t grant wishes like that.
Canadian; Okay, I want to live until the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
Genie; You crafty bastard.

Chatham-Kent has named its snowplows.

Anita Shovel
Gordie Plow
Blizzard of Oz
Darth Blader
Pillsbury Plowboy
Sled Zeppelin
Buzz Ice-Clear
Qunuk (Inuit word for snowflake)
Flurrious George
School’s Not Cancelled
Snobi-One Kenobi
Sleetwood Mac

***

I like being proactive and getting ahead of things for the holidays, so I went ahead and gained my holiday weight. That’s just one less thing for me to worry about.

***

People in the UK drive on the left.
Canadians drive on what’s left.

😮

Smitty’s Loose Change #23

Snippets

 

Some frazzled, forgetful kindly, thoughtful person just contributed another $8.55 to my retirement fund.  I just extracted eight Loonies, two quarters and a nickel from the overflow chute of one of those in-store coin-counting machines.  It doesn’t compare to the $76 that I found last year, but every little bit helps.  I went back to the store two days later, for something I’d missed, and got another two dimes, a nickel, and a $1 token for releasing chained-up shopping carts.

***

Let us not think of Freedom as the right to do as we wish, but rather as the opportunity to do what is right.

***

If you had to change your name, what would the new one be?
Joe Shitz – instead of Bill.

How do you want to retire?
First, I’d wash and shave, then put my jammies on, then hop into bed.

List ten things that you know to be absolutely certain.
That there is only one thing, and this is it.

Which activities make you lose track of time?
Stopping at a jewelry store to get a new battery for my watch.

What are your future travel plans?
I don’t plan to travel to the future.  It’s difficult and quite expensive.  Besides, The Apocalypse is right around the temporal corner.  I’m just gonna stay right here now.

How would you describe yourself to someone?
Seriously undecided as to whether to say uninterested, or disinterested.

Describe your life in an alternate universe.
I’ve never been in an alternate universe.

Describe a family member.
It hangs off my right hip, and is just long enough to reach the ground.  You thought I was going to describe its neighbor to the left.  Sadly, that’s a very short story.

Where is your favorite place to go in your city?
Well…. The newest Wal-Mart has a nice clean washroom.

***

I had hoped for a blog-theme prompt from my Muse, but I’m drawing a blank.

***

Long-Stemmed Rose

The wife planted this beside our front walkway.  It hasn’t produced a flower, but it’s grown higher than the garage eave, and is reaching for the second-story window.

Three Cubed Fibbing Friday

I scream – You scream – The Police come – things are awkward.  I theme – You theme.  Pensitivity101 understands that this week has no theme at all and is just a mish-mash of silly questions inviting you to give sillier answers.

1.What is liquid gold?

It’s that first, really cold beer, when you finish mowing the lawn on a hot, sunny, late-July afternoon.

2.What is housemaid’s knee?

It is a joint affliction suffered when you convince your wife/girlfriend to wear the sexy costume, and polish your Hummer, but forget to provide a cushion, or other padding.

3.Why is the Eiffel Tower so named?

‘Cause it’s a really big, tall thing that towers over Paris.  It is 300 meters (984 feet) tall.  I’ve stopped asking “How stupid can some Americans be?” because they’re taking it as a challenge.  In a recent meme twitter list, one of them claimed that the 154 meter (504 foot) replica in Las Vegas, was built first, and the French just copied it.  I’m surprised I haven’t heard, “I live in Paris, Texas.  Them Frenchies just copied that, too!”  😳

4.Can elephants swim?

They can, but they take up so much space that they’ve been permanently banned from the pool.  Other than Dumbo, none of them are allowed to fly either.

5.What is a pot hole?

That’s the ceramic throne, otherwise known  as a toilet, where we used to flush our stash if/when the cops raided, back before Canada decriminalized Mother Nature’s sedative.

6.What is a woolly pulley?

It’s a young kid who dragged their pet lamb on a leash, three miles, in an Easter Parade.

7.What is a tap washer?

Like a designated driver, he is the (perhaps) soberest, or most paranoid, OCD, frat partier, who cleans and disinfects the bung to prevent COVID and other diseases, when it is changed from one keg to another, at a toga party.

8.Why do we have warts on our fingers but corns on our toes?

Because God had just invented Magic Mushrooms, and wanted to try them out – strictly for quality-control purposes.  He said, ‘Hold my ‘Shrooms.  I’m gonna create some Hoomin Beans.’  Our nose runs, and our feet smell.

9.What is a pendulum?

My amply-endowed, Double-D wife has two of them, when she refuses to wear even a light, cotton sports bra on hot summer days.  She recently told me that she had seen something odd between her breasts – her navel.

10.Where will you find a pupil and iris?

At a school for landscaping and gardening.

I sometimes stay out late, in the company of good friends and much dark ale, and when I return home the truth is not in me.  Honestly though, there’ll be a great post on Monday and the hangover should be gone.  😀

TILWROT IV

Don’t ask how I did it, but, while researching the name “Buccari,” I came upon the name Prester.  It was linked to the name Prester John.  Prester John is a 1910 adventure novel by the Scottish author John Buchan. It tells the story of a young Scotsman named David Crawfurd and his adventures in South Africa, where a Zulu uprising under the charismatic black minister John Laputa is tied to the medieval legend of Prester John.

Prester John (Latin: Presbyter Johannes) was a legendary Christian patriarch, presbyter, and king. Stories popular in Europe in the 12th to the 17th centuries told of a Nestorian patriarch and king who was said to rule over a Christian nation lost amid the pagans and Muslims in the Orient.

As you may guess, Prester is a diminutive of Presbyter – which means an older man – a (Church) Elder.

***

Something slapped me awake from my afternoon nap.  I soon discovered that it was the word/name Waring.  It took a minute or so to attach it to the word ‘blender,’ one of many kitchen appliances manufactured by Waring Commercial Products.

Always eager to fill my head with useless trivia, I wondered at the name’s meaning.  Did it refer to the manufacture and/or sale of goods and merchandise – “wares?”  It turns out that it is a verb/gerund that means protecting or guarding – the basis for words like ‘wary,’ or ‘beware,’ as we protect and guard ourselves from harm.

The name Mainwaring does not refer to the biggest fort, or the strongest vault, but was given to people from the property or estate of a Waring family.

***

A Horse Is A Horse, Of Course, Of Course

A dobbin is always a horse – but in England, it also used to be a cup, mug, or similar drinking vessel capable of holding a gill, or half a cup.  In New Zealand, it may still be, a trolley to transport sheared fleece from the shearing shed, to the processing plant – from the dobbin, to the bobbin.

***

Oh, don’t be such a pussy.

A misogynistic 80% of people who hear or use that term, think that it refers to a female sex-organ.  The remaining, cat-hating 20% think that it refers to small felines.  100% of them are wrong.

I published a post where I showed that the English language was becoming shorter, tighter, and the grandiose words of the 19^th Century were being left by the wayside.  Until the 1920s/’30s, the upper crust might have used the word pusillanimous – lacking courage or resolution; cowardly; faint-hearted; timid. proceeding from or indicating a cowardly spirit. characterized by a lack of courage or determination.

First, it shrank until part of it was pronounced pyew-zee, like doozy – for the Duisenberg car.  Then the minds and mouths of the masses further mutated it to pussy.  A descriptive adjective became an offensive noun.

Fantastic Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 had a bit of fantasy last week. What can you come up with for these?

1. Whose home planet is Skaro?

Al Capone.

2. What would you expect to find in Dinotopia?

Chicken broth, shredded chicken breast, chopped leeks, and small potato cubes.  This soup is so good, it not only cures the common cold, it’ll cure COVID.

3. Who was born on Krypton?

All the code-breaker nerds who work for the American NSA, and the British GCHQ.

4. Where can you find Plutonium?

In my toilet bowl after a shit and stink sit and think session, following a feed of nachos.

5. What colour blood would a Martian have?

The Martian was a red-blooded American astronaut who, as in most American movies, triumphed against impossible odds.

6. Whose home planet is Gallifrey?

The newly-hired non-human, full-time chef on Dr. Who’s TARDIS.  A hedgehog from the Medusan Galaxy, with his superior senses of smell and taste, he can whip up an omelet or paella that will make your taste buds weep for joy.

7. Whose home world is Eternia?

These were the evil aliens who drafted the service protocols for all Government offices.  You stand in line, to be allowed to stand in a different line.  Just as you reach the service counter, your clerk slaps down a sign which reads, This wicket is closed.  Please stand in line.  If you do manage to sneak up on a clerk, they will demand a document that you don’t have, and possibly does not exist.

8. What was the Hyborian Age?

That was when the Czechoslobovian kid across the street could finally have a pint in the pub – legally.  His older brother, Tibor, has been gibing him for two years, and his younger brother, Jawor wants to use the Gregorian calendar.

9. Where would you find Pellucidar?

In any of Donald Trump’s speeches – half obscurity, half outright lies, half boasts and brags, half egotistic narcissism, and ALL buffalo manure.  Any clarity or truth is purely coincidental.

10. What is Thedas?

Like sand through the hourglass of time, these are Thedas of our lives.
This was a long-running American soap opera, mostly for bored housewives with no lives of their own.  I scrolled through on a Monday, and someone was leaving the room.  I happened back on the Friday, and the door was just closing.

Three Things Challenge – Names

There are two things that burn my ass, about parents who give names to their children – people with no imagination, and people with too damned much imagination.  If Elon Musk didn’t own a company that can do things that NASA can’t, he’d be in a small room somewhere, with plastic scissors and paste.

I expect his Seventh son – of 11 children – X Æ A-XII along with siblings Nevada, Kai, Saxon, Griffin, Damian, and Exa Dark Siderael, to sue his father and change his name as soon as it is legally possible.

On the other hand…. A woman in my home town had 5 boys, who she named Douglas, Darcy, David, Dwayne, and Derrick.  Even Alan, Bruce, Charlie, Dahlia, and Eddie would mix things up a bit.  Then there is Mama Kardashian – Kris – who gave girl K names to all five of her daughters.

Recently, Pensitivity101 posted the Three Word Challenge – POPPY, ROSE, VIOLET.  Over the years, we have probably watched as much imported British ‘telly,’ as we have American TV.  There was a Brit-Com titled Keeping Up Appearances.  The show centered around one of four sisters, who desperately wanted to improve her social standing.  Among other things, she insisted that her husband’s lowbrow surname – Bucket – be pronounced Boo-Kay.

A ‘60s flower child-mother had named them Hyacinth, Rose, Violet, and Daisy.  Apparently, there was a fifth, Don’t Ask – Don’t Tell daughter/sister named Poppy.