I thought that we should start the new year with some humor and comedy. We may need it later on. 😀
- A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
‘Have you ever done anything of particular merit?’ St. Peter asked.
‘Well, I can think of one thing,’ the cowboy offered.
On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman.
I told them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, ‘Now, back off or I’ll beat the crap out of all of you!
St. Peter was impressed, ‘When did this happen?
‘Couple of minutes ago.
***
HOW CANADIANS CONFUSE THE WORLD
We measure outside temp. in Celsius, and oven temp. in Fahrenheit.
We measure length in meters, and our height in feet.
Cheese is weighed in kilograms, but people in pounds.
We speak like Americans, spell like Brits, and throw in random French words.
In Canada, “friends with benefits” means a neighbor with a snowblower.
An angel asked God what He was doing.
“Making Canadians.”
“Aww, they’re so nice.
“Oh yeah” said God. “Watch this.” as He dropped a hockey puck.
Restaurant owners must maintain a clean kitchen. You have to scoop your dog’s poop. You can’t send a child to school with lice or chicken pox. You can’t drive drunk, or light a fire in an apartment hallway. Public health has always come before personal freedoms.
My favorite season is when all the mosquitoes are dead.
Canadian Thanksgiving Day is reserved to give thanks that we are not American.
Canadian; I want to live forever.
Genie; I can’t grant wishes like that.
Canadian; Okay, I want to live until the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup.
Genie; You crafty bastard.
Chatham-Kent has named its snowplows.
Anita Shovel
Gordie Plow
Blizzard of Oz
Darth Blader
Pillsbury Plowboy
Sled Zeppelin
Buzz Ice-Clear
Qunuk (Inuit word for snowflake)
Flurrious George
School’s Not Cancelled
Snobi-One Kenobi
Sleetwood Mac
***
I like being proactive and getting ahead of things for the holidays, so I went ahead and gained my holiday weight. That’s just one less thing for me to worry about.
***
People in the UK drive on the left.
Canadians drive on what’s left.
😮