Just-Asking Fibbing Friday

Last week, Pensitivity101 was asking for our suggestions for these:

1. Macropinna Microstoma  was a character in a Monty Python movie.  I believe that he was the one who kept calling, “Bring out your dead.  Bring out your dead.”  That’s the big and the small of it.

2. Fossa was/is the billionaire American businessman/adventurer who flew solo around the world in a balloon (After 6 attempts), and later in a special airplane.  It is a mark of the respect and trust, that no-one would go with him.  Just when we all agreed that he was as weird as a three-humped camel, along came Elon Musk, to prove him a rank amateur.  That crazy asshole enlightened entrepreneur wants to use giant boring machines, and do it underground.  😮  Mind your feet!

3. Leafy Seadragon is the healthy? garnish that many of the fast food chains are now putting on their I can easily Can’t Believe It’s Not Beef burgers.

4. Dik-Dik was Dick the dick, Richard M. Nixon, known for his famous quote, “I am not a crook.”  The media never presented the second half of it, “I hire other people to do that for me.”

5: Lilac-Breasted Roller – any member of the local women’s roller derby team.

6. Mata Mata was Mata Hari’s younger sister – the one with the stutter.

7. Halitrephes Jelly is a well-known  lubricant massage oil, used in many Greek steam rooms and saunas.  It is said to be able to park a Humvee in a Mini’s garage – if you know what I mean.  😉

8. Pacu is Pikachu’s black-sheep Pokémon cousin, hunted in several jurisdictions.  He’s way down on the FBI’s Wanted List, just below a serial jaywalker.  I used to see citizens with cell-phones (Mobiles, in England) roaming the streets, attempting to electronically capture him, but their attention seems to have been diverted to Trump’s ’24 Presidential campaign, and all his indictments.

9. Gobi Jerboa are small, long-furred, rat-like rodent pets, found near the central desert in China.  Like the Gremlins, that you weren’t supposed to feed after midnight, if you give them too much water, they swell to the size of Great Danes.

10. Aye-Aye is what my optometrist (Optician, in British) cutely named her pirate-themed shop.

’22 A To Z Challenge – Q

 

 

 

 

 

 

Small-town policemen, especially Police Chiefs, come and go with disturbing frequency – often one short step ahead of ‘Resign or be prosecuted.’

With manpower shortages immediately after WW II, my idyllic little town of 1800 – plus an abutting Indian reservation – had one policeman – 24/7/365.  By default, he was the Chief.  Even Sherriff Andy, of even smaller Mayberry, had Deputy Barney Fife.  It worked during the off-season, but with 10,000 tourists in July/Aug, the town soon had three officers.

Police chiefs came, and police chiefs went.  Their tenure averaged about 3 years.  The longest term was an older gentleman who bought a home, rather than renting.  He served just over 8 years, and retired in tourist heaven.

Finally, we got Chief

QUESNELL

That’s originally a French name meaning from the oak, or oak trees.  The French pronounce it like keh-nell.  He, and the Anglophone town, pronounced it queh-nell.

The summer tourist influx was now closer to 20,000, often street-smart, big-city residents.  Even the chief pulled weekend, and night patrols.  My brother was one of several unpaid volunteers for Ride-alongs.  He received minimal training, no equipment, and no authority, but two people stepping out of a cruiser can quickly change the dynamics of a tense situation.

The brother had been a snowmobiler for a few years.  The tread on a snowmobile can take a lot of wear, depending on where you ride it.  One year, just as he was pushing his machine into his storage shed in the spring, the tread snapped.

In late August, he was thinking ahead, and mentioned to the chief that money was tight, but it seemed that he would have to buy and install a new tread if he wanted to ride.  The chief replied, “What you could do is, when it gets cold and snows, don’t go out for the first couple of weeks or a month.  Then you could contact your insurance company and allege that you hit a rock or log, make an accident claim, and get them to pay for it.

The brother didn’t think that he wanted to chance that, but mentioned the conversation to our Dad.  “Why would he tell me that I should do that?”  Dad explained that this was like entrapment.  He didn’t say that you should.  He merely said that you could!  He was testing you.  This is a moral judgement.  If you’d gone ahead, he wouldn’t have trusted you – at all – especially to patrol with.

Brother said, “If he’s that sneaky and devious, and doesn’t trust me, I don’t trust him.  I’m not going to patrol with him any more.  By Canadian Thanksgiving, in early October, he was gone, and the town had yet another new police chief.  👿

Tell Me If You’ve Heard This One – V

Agon (noun) [AH-gahn]
Conflict, especially the dramatic conflict between the main characters in a literary work.
The family feud in “Romeo and Juliette” is a famous agon.

Billow (verb) [BIL-oh]
to swell up, to puff out, as by the action of wind
Held by two men, the flag billowed within their grasp as though it could unfurl any moment.

Clishmaclaver (noun) [klish-muh-kley-ver, kleesh]
Scottish: gossip, idle or foolish talk
There was no way that Robbie Burns Day would be cancelled.  It was utter clishmaclaver.

Ekistics (noun) [ih-kis-tiks]
The scientific study of human settlements, drawing on diverse disciplines, including architecture, city planning, and behavioral science.
(Look out!  Big Brother is watching you.)

Gewgaw (noun) [gyoo-gaw, goo]
Something gaudy and useless, trinket, bauble
The tourist market was filled with nothing but counterfeit handbags and gewgaws – objects that no-one really wanted

Gleek (verb) [gleek]
Archaic: To make a joke, to jest
First recorded 1540 – 50, of uncertain origin  (Let’s Blame the Scots.)
In Shakespearean plays, joking was referred to as gleeking

Impecunious (adjective) [im-pi-kyoo-nee-uh s]
Having little or no money, penniless, poor
The dot-com crash left him impecunious, with not a cent to his name.

Moira (noun) [moy-ruh]
A person’s fate or destiny
She believed that it was her moira to win a gold Olympic medal.

Naissance (noun) [ney-suh ns]
A birth, an organization, or a growth, as that of a person, an organization, an idea, or a movement.
The naissance of the Civil Rights Movement occurred on college campuses.

Pilgarlic (noun) [pil-gahr-lik]
A person regarded with mild or pretended contempt or pity
Chris was a bit of a pilgarlic, untrusted and untrustworthy.

Pyknic (adjective) [pik-nik]
Characterised by shortness of stature, broadness of girth, and powerful musculature
Even though he had a pyknic build – short and stocky – he was well-known for his brute strength.

Remonstrate (verb) [ri-mon-streyt]
To say or plead in protest, objection, or disapproval
The decision to trade the popular player caused many fans to remonstrate.

Shimony – also Simony (noun)  [sehy-muh-nee, sim-uh]
the making of profit out of sacred things.
the sin of buying or selling ecclesiastical preferments, benefices, etc.
1175–1225; Middle English simonie <Late Latin simōnia; so called from Simon Magus, who tried to purchase apostolic powers; see Simon (def. 5), -y³
This is the word which my son, Shimoniac, bases his online identity on.

Whatsis (noun) [hwuhts-iss, hwots-,wuhts-, wots-]
A thing or object whose name one does not know, or cannot recall
Having momentarily forgotten the word for “stapler,” he asked his colleague to bring him the whatsis.

Word is, there’ll be another great post in a couple of days.  See you there.  Don’t be late.  You know how grumpy my ego can get, if it hasn’t been fed.  👿

A Scrabble For One-Liners

I accidentally swallowed a bunch of Scrabble tiles….
….My next trip to the bathroom could spell disaster.

This is the first time I don’t go to Fiji due to the pandemic….
….I normally don’t go because I’m broke as fuck.

My friend drowned himself in a vat of varnish….
….He had a horrible end…. but a nice finish.

If we were on a sinking ship, and there was only one life-vest….
….I would miss you a lot.

You should not call someone a cannibal….
….Refer to them as Humanitarians.

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today….
….That makes seven years in a row.

I told my wife that I have the body of a Greek god….
….She explained that Buddha is not Greek.

I donated my body to Science….
….Science donated my body to Goodwill

Is it irony when you pray to God to remove “your family’s problem”….
….And the next day, you’re in Heaven?

We wanted to be adults, so badly….
….Just f**king look at us now.

Constipated people are not trustworthy….
….They are full of shit.

I was invited to a party, and told to dress to kill….
….Apparently a turban, a beard and a backpack weren’t what they meant.

To err is human….
….To forgive is against company policy.

Why doesn’t room 404 exist?….
….There’s no room for error.

What is a fear of chainsaws called?….
….Common sense

I saw an ad in the paper, “Yacht for sale.”….
….As if people don’t know what a yacht is for.

It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, short, fat, thin, young, old, at the end of the day….
….It’s night.

One useless man is a shame….
….Two is a law firm.

I moved into an igloo, and my friends threw me a house-warming party….
….Now I’m homeless.

My mother told me I could be anyone I wanted….
….Turns out identity theft is illegal.

I needed to set a new password….
….I tried putting in ‘penis,’ but it told me it was too short.

I asked my wife what she was ‘burning for dinner.’….
….Turns out it was all my personal belongings.

My wife claims that I’m cheap….
….But I’m not buying it

 

Flash Fiction #187

PHOTO PROMPT © Dale Rogerson

STOPPED COLD

Lenny and Squiggy weren’t their real names, but everyone called them that. Something about a 1970s TV program.

After their respective parents had finally booted them out, they couch-surfed together for a while. Someone suggested that they get a job…. Job??! Yeah, we could pull a job.

Lenny knew where the local gang had a betting parlor. It was simple. Wear ski-masks. Run in the front. Wave some toy guns. Grab all the cash they could carry, and run out the back. Everything went flawlessly – but why won’t the back door open?

***

Click above to see their Brain Trust namesakes.

***

Go to Rochelle’s Addicted to Purple site and use her Wednesday photo as a prompt to write a complete 100 word story.

Hah-ppily Married

Thomas says to his best friend Davis, ‘You know,
I reckon I’m about ready for a vacation, only this
year I’m gonna do it a little different.

The last few years, I took your advice as to
where to go.

Two years ago you said to go to Hawaii; I went
to Hawaii, and my wife Julia got pregnant.

Then last year, you told me to go to the Bahamas.
I went to the Bahamas, and Julia got pregnant again.’

Davis says, ‘So what you gonna do different this year?’

Thomas says, ‘This year, I’m taking Julia with me!’!

***

“Mom, I’m dating a man.”

“Whom, sweetheart?”

“Mike the mailman.”

“Mike the mailman? But he could be your father!”

“But mom, age is just a number.”

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you understand.”

==========

I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a work function,

We were having a drink and I said to him, “Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same”?

He replied, “Kim’s at the bar getting drinks, I’m his wife”

==========

A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapist’s office and declares, “Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened! Can you make me forget?”
The hypnotherapist rolls his eyes, and says under his breath, “Oh, brother.  Not again …!”

***

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO REALLY LOVES YOU

Put your partner, your cat and your dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open it up again, who’s happy to see you?

***

So it’s okay for the cat to run away and hide under the bed when company comes, but when I do it, I’m being antisocial.

***

Moses was the first person with a tablet to download data from the cloud.

***

Feefiphobia is a chronic fear of giants.

***

If laziness were an Olympic sport, I’d come in fourth so that I didn’t have to walk up to the podium.

***

I do weights for muscle health, cardio for heart health….and chocolate for mental health.

 

Yenta

I’ve Got A Secret!

I’ve got a secret, and I’m not gonna tell you.  Nyah, nyah.

I am not a gossip.
I do not betray a confidence.
I do not gossip.
I hate gossips!
I think they suffer from a character defect.
I feel they lack self-control, and moral and ethical standards.
I am not a gossip!

I recently discovered why I am not a gossip.  In my long, loner, loser life, no-one has felt me important enough to entrust me with information that I could pass on, or a confidence that I could betray.  It’s easy to not be a sinner, when you’ve never been tempted.  That changed recently.  Somebody told me something.
SOMEBODY!  TOLD!  ME!  SOMETHING!
HOLY SHIT!!

I always thought that cartoon characters with steam pouring from their ears were just a joke.  I’ve got lots of empty space inside my head to absorb an explosion.  Damn, I almost lost my eardrums.  I found one of my eyebrows under a footstool.  It’s a good thing I was sitting down.  I had an attack of the vapors. Everything got fuzzy, and swirled around.  I needed a mint julep to calm my nerves.

‘I need to set up a Twitter account!  I’ll have to open a Facebook page!  Is the computer turned on?  Hand me the cell phone!  Will the extension ladder reach the roof?  I have to get up there and shout this out!’

Easy boy!  Just stick your head in a bucket of ice cubes and water.

About a year ago, I thought I did a favor for a friend.  She didn’t provide all the necessary relevant information, and I recently found that, instead of being of assistance, I’d just been spinning my wheels.  When she fully briefed me, I was able to make an informed choice of a different option.  It’s still early days yet, but this time I think it’s going to take.

To ensure the greatest likelihood of success for another small favor, she filled me in with some background information.  It was like watching the movie Inception.  REALITY CHANGED.  Nothing was what it had seemed.

The information wasn’t down and dirty, or evil and perverted.  In fact, quite the opposite!  This news was happy, joyous, fulfilling, uplifting – just social and legal stuff that needed to be dealt with before the general public is allowed to know about it.

This is “Christ Is Risen” news.  I should be riding from village to village on a donkey, proclaiming the glorious story.  You should know me from afar by the golden radiant glow of the wondrous tale within me – and I can’t say a word.

The wife and son and daughter know the lady, and like her.  They’ve worried for a while because she seemed to be stressed, but now feel better because things seem to be going smoother.  They would approve of the information.  They would be ecstatic to know the full truth, but I cannot say a thing.  Don’t ask me.

Two people can keep a secret – if one of them is dead.  While I am sometimes tempted, I really don’t want to have to shoot a couple of them.  I’m just going to sit here with a knowing smile on my face, and bask in the warm glow of the trust I’ve been given.  In the fullness of time, this situation will resolve itself, and I will no longer be the only one who is permitted to be thrilled for my our friend.

In the meantime….I do not have a character defect.  I do possess self-control, as well as moral and ethical standards.  I am not a gossip!  I am happy that my friend will be happy, and she will be happy if I keep my mouth shut.  If only others could.

 #460