Pop-Up Fibbing Friday

Last week we had questions that just popped into Pensitivity101’s head for our perusal.

1.   Why are Easter Eggs made of chocolate?

So that the economy of Switzerland doesn’t collapse.

2.   What is a fib?

It is one of two bones between the knee, and the ankle – no lie.

3.   Where will you find a cog?

At a meeting of The Illuminati.

4.   What is a preface?

That’s the pleasant image that the entitled, Woke, suck-up bitch in Accounting presents to the General Manager, not the Gorgon visage and personality that she inflicts on the rest of the staff when he’s not watching.  Her name isn’t Janice.  It’s Janus.  😮

5.   Can an elephant make a trunk call?

I don’t know.  What does an elephant call his trunk??  Is this like immature would-be macho-wannabes, who have pet names for their Hammond organ?

6.   What is a trinket?

That’s a guy who is learning to play the ukulele.

7.   What is hearsay?

The beginning of a drunken discussion at the pub on Sci-Fi Trivia night.
Hear say Dr. Who met Q from the Star Trek TNG continuum.  Who would win??
The landlord!  Another coupla pints, my good man.

8.   How many shades of grey are there?

In any squabble discussion with the wife, there’s always one more than my argument makes allowance for.

9.   What is a bunion?

It’s the fancy, pretentious, expensive, organic root vegetable that Gordon Ramsay puts a slice of, on his 300 Pound, quarter-pound burger.

10. What is ylang ylang?

That’s the silly, bell-ringing noise that British ambulances make.  It sounds more like a teacher calling students in after recess, than a good, solid, American get-out-of-the-way siren.

Smitty’s Loose Change #24

The Grandson got to the supermarket nearest to me before I did.  As a New Year’s present, he brought me from the chute of their coin-counter, a Canadian quarter and nickel, an American quarter, two nickels, two dimes – one a 1946, worn flat and almost illegible, and a bronze?/brass? – It ain’t copper – a One something coin from Serbia.  I need to research it, to find what it is, and made from.  This is my first Serbian coin.  I have several from Croatia, but none from Serbia.

***

I keep forgetting to work on my writing. I keep forgetting to write and submit my writing. Buy my books on Amazon.

I was going to, but I keep forgetting.  😮

***

If u cud recomend me a book. wot wud u recomend?

***

If you’re wearing a mask, why do you care if I’m not?  Yours works, doesn’t it?
If you’re sober, and I’m driving drunk, why do you care?  Your seatbelt and airbags work, don’t they?

***

What part of your morning routine takes the longest?
Me: Deciding to get up.

***

Other countries don’t think as we do, and their languages do not express themselves as we do.
The German surname Rosenthal is translated as Rose Valley.  English assumes that there is more than one rose in the valley.  German does not leave it to chance.  ‘Rosen” is plural.  The name more precisely/pedantically means “Valley of Roses.”

I recently opened a (Canadian) Chinese fortune cookie.  The English side said, “Your reputation is worth more than money.”  The French side said, “Your reputation is worth more than nice perfume.”

***

I was recently offered ‘Dark Roast’ peanut butter, and jumped at the chance.  I wondered if it would be like dark roast coffee – a brighter, fuller flavor.  It is one chain’s ‘No-Name’ brand.  Would it be from the overcooked nuts at the bottom?  Nah.  It’s just promotion,, more lying advertising,  decent, un-homogenized peanut butter that needs the oil stirred back in prior to every use.

***

I joined Linked-In because I thought that it was a social media thing, like WordPress, or Facebook.  I soon found that its main drive was an online networking group, helping people make connections, and find jobs.  Since I’m a dedicated, industrial-strength retiree who doesn’t want a job, nor can aid anyone else in getting one, I soon ignored it.

I recently received an invitation to add someone to my circle, Justin Trudeau, Prime Minister of Canada!  I didn’t do so, and a week later, I got another, identical request.  Is there an upcoming election that I haven’t heard about??!

Roses Are Read – So Are These Books

A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down the pants….

Some books that are good for the mind, some books that are good for the soul, and some books that are good for just passing time.  I read ‘em all last year.

1491
A description of indigenous societies and empires in North and South America before the white man arrived.  Aside from the lack of iron and steel, many of them were as complex and technological as anything in the Old World.

A Harvest of Short Stories
A 1960 Ontario English textbook, complete with notes and questions, and the names of three girls who had owned it.  16 short stories, mostly Canadian and British, including a couple of O. Henry ironies, and Poe’s A Cask of Amontillado.  I didn’t have to download a free PDF.  Two Sherlock Holmes, including The Speckled Band, where I found three errors.  You can’t train a snake.  They do not drink milk, and they are deaf, and will not respond to a whistle.  The notes found one more, where Holmes refers to Watson’s pistol by a company which only ever produced ammunition.

A History of the World In 10 ½ Chapters
Not what it claims to be.  A collection of short stories intended to make fun of blind religion, especially Christianity.

Count Zero
Book number two of a trilogy about surfing the internet, but written 40 years ago, when most of us didn’t know the internet existed.

Dead Moon
A premise that large areas of the moon are used as cemeteries.  Seemed energy-inefficient to me.  Along comes a space rock which re-animates the dead, with no explanation of how, or why.  Still, escapist fun.

Even
Lee Grant’s (Jack Reacher) younger brother writing in the same genre.  Heavy on the thinking and planning, but not averse to a little required violence.
Genellan – First Victory
Again, the second of three sci-fi books about three, then four, then five alien races, including us, who band together to defeat another powerful one, intent on controlling the galaxy.  Think Star Trek Federation versus The Borg.

Gilgamesh
A book written before you were born:  This one was written before almost anyone was born – 5000 years ago.  Book review to follow.

Kingdom of Bones
An excuse to while away some time in retirement.  This one shows a place in darkest Africa where Gaia-energy caused animal life and intelligence to develop.

No Plan B
While ‘Lee Child’ is busy developing the Jack Reacher TV series, (They’re filming the third season in Toronto, where the lead actor, from Minnesota, complains about the cold weather) it falls to his younger brother (see Even above) to keep pumping them out.

One Minute Out
Another Gray Man time-passer.  In the first novel. he got so beat-up and shot-up that I didn’t see how he, or the series, could survive.  This is the ninth, and they both seem to be feeling their age.

Rasputin’s Shadow
Many people are still fascinated by Rasputin.  Even a hundred years later, he’s a good MacGuffin to hang a modern action/suspense novel on.

Relentless
This is number 8 in The Gray Man series.  Same as above – only slightly different.

Run
Same basic plot as Even, above.  An innocent bystander gets screwed over, and works like Hell to get his life back.  Good for a week of casual reading.

Sapiens
A description and illustration of how humans climbed down from the hominid evolution tree.  We – the race  – may have made a great mistake in inventing farming and technology to feed an ever-increasing population.  Hunter/gatherers spend only 18/20 hours a week feeding themselves, with much less stress.

Shatter War
Number two of a trilogy about how areas of Earth are jumbled from different time periods, ranging from ice age, to 200 years in our future.  With a canvas that broad and blank, anything is possible.  From a husband/wife team like the Childs.  He determines the plotline and story arc, and she provides the development prose.

Sierra Six
This is number seven in The Gray Man series.  I’m presenting my titles in alphabetical order, but that inverts the published order.  This book is out of plotline order.  It’s a flashback story to explain how it all started.

Target Acquired
Ghost writers help the ghost of Tom Clancy-past to keep pumping out these Jack Ryan Junior, second-generation novels.

The Kaiser’s Web
If Raymond Khoury can hang a tale on Rasputin, then Steve Berry can hang one on the German Kaiser.  Everything old is new again.

The Kill Clause
A police detective, whose young daughter is raped and murdered, is offered a spot on a vigilante squad to bring justice to those who escape on technicalities.

The Last Orphan
A Jason Bourne-type agent is finally showing some signs of being human.  I am hoping for more books in the new direction.

The Program
The above vigilante policeman, (temporarily) off the force, rescues a rich man’s daughter from a Scientology-type cult.

The Runaway
A missing,16-year-old, female agent trainee, and the possibility of a relationship with a lady DA and her young son, help scrub a few letters off behind his assumed name –  ADD, ADHD, OCD, PTSD.  He may become part of civilized society, even while he’s still knocking off bad guys.

The Span of Empire
Similar to the Genellan book, again, there are more and more interstellar races, joining together to resist the galactic bully, who would ‘cleanse’ them all out of existence.

There Is A God
Lies!  Damned lies, and more desperate Christian Apologetics lies.

Made In Heaven Humor

The wife whined, “How can you talk to me like that?  I’ve given you the best years of my life.”
I said, “Yeah?  And who made them the best years??”

***

At an international conference, a survey was distributed, asking delegates what their thoughts were on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world.  The African delegates didn’t understand ’food.’  The Canadian delegates didn’t understand ‘scarcity,’ and the American delegates didn’t understand ‘the rest of the world.’

***

Why are the pyramids in Egypt??
Because they were too heavy for the English to ship home.

***

New-Age Terminology

A Father is a banker provided by nature.
A boss is a guy who’s always early when you’re late, and always late when you are early.
A smile is a curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Rumor is news that travels at the speed of sound.
Dictionary is the only place where divorce comes before marriage.
College is a place where some pursue learning, and others learn pursuing.
Ecstasy is a feeling you are going to feel when you feel a feeling you have never felt before.
Office is a place to go to relax from your hectic home life.
A yawn is the only time some married men get to open their mouth.
Etc. is a sign to make others think that you know more than you do.
Committee – Individuals who can do nothing, who sit as a group to decide that nothing can be done collectively
Classic is a book that everyone praises, but nobody reads.
Marriage is an agreement where a man loses his Bachelor Degree, and a woman gains her Masters.
Worry is interest paid on trouble, before it falls due.
Experience is the name that men give to their mistakes.
Tears are the hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
Atom bomb –an invention to end all inventions
Philosopher is a fool who torments himself during his life so that he will be spoken well of, after he’s dead.
Optimist is a person who starts taking a bath if he accidently falls into a river.
A pessimist is a person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, rather than the first letter of OPPORTUNITY.
Miser is a person who lives poor, so that he can die rich.
A criminal is a guy no different from the rest…. except he got caught.
Politician – one who shakes your hand before elections, and your confidence after
A doctor is a person who kills your ills with pills, but kills you with his bills.
(Only, not in social-medicine Canada)
Swiped-Out is a debit or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from frequent usage.  (And it only happens when you have only 23¢ in your pocket)
Starter is a first marriage which ends in divorce.  A marriage with no kids, no property, and no regrets.
Mouse potato – The online, wired generation’s answer to couch potato.  ARE YOU ONE??

***

 

Off The Straight And Narrow

The wife has been missing fried catfish and biscuits at Cracker Barrel restaurants.  Between COVID and finances, we haven’t been to the Excited States for over five years.  On our Ohio trip to rescue John Erickson from terminal ennui, I scheduled a stop at a Cracker Barrel in Erie PA, at approximately the halfway point, for lunch and a butt-break.

Enjoying one of these little scones is like biting into a tasty, buttery cloud.  We ordered a dozen to take with us, but our waitress only brought two more free ones in a to-go bag.  In the entire trip down, I didn’t make a wrong turn or get lost once…. Unless you count the little kerfuffle/confusion as we arrived.

With ten rescue cats in the house, and as many feral ones begging for food and water at the back door, our hosts’ kitchen is somewhat overwhelmed with bags of kitty litter, sacks of dry kibble, cases of cans of cat food, feeding dishes, and water bowls.  It is not set up to cook food, or provide eating area for guests.  We dined out each evening.

They drove out to meet us, and suggested that we join them at a McDonalds, one exit up the highway.  I misunderstood, and drove right past them to our motel.  No Problem!  They quickly followed us, and the first night we ate at an Arby’s that was unanimously agreed to be a better choice than the Golden Arches.

The next evening, she navigated us to a Mexican restaurant in the big city (? 11,000) named Fiesta Tlaquepaque.  My eyeballs crossed, and my tongue got whiplash.  Bing, Google Translate, and dictionary.com all insist that the name/word is Spanish.  It is used by a certain group of people who speak Spanish – mostly Mexicans.  It is Nahuatl, an Aztec word, which means ‘flowered walkway’ – like a bower – with a tiled floor.

The third night, we drove them down to a Cracker Barrel in Cambridge, Ohio.  John doesn’t remember ever being to one.  He loved the filling, inexpensive, home-style food, and was entranced by the tourist-trap retail maze with clothing, toys, candy, games, jams and jellies, which must be navigated, both coming and going.

I wanted to claim that we didn’t go anywhere, or do anything, but that we all enjoyed ourselves immensely.  I mean, they don’t exactly reside in a cultural center.  The closest thing to a tourist attraction would be the biggest pile of manure, outside the State capital, or the longest Amish beard.

The first afternoon, John’s wife drove my wife to a large fabric/sewing/ knitting warehouse, while John showed me all his WW I/WW II rifles, bayonets and swords, which he has used in historical re-enactments.  I retaliated by showing him some of my excess knives,  and a catalogue of coins and bills of the world.

The next day, she took the wife and I out for a cliff-clinging, nail-biting drive in the country, which ended at an Amish general store.  Their book section included two books about the Ark Encounter theme park in Kentucky.  The little ‘Understanding Islam’ book got tossed on the We Can’t Sell It – A Buck Apiece table.

I scheduled our visit for a Monday and Tuesday.  The nearby craft brewery where I hoped to buy some artisanal beer, is closed on Mondays and Tuesdays.  If we ever elect to do this again – and we’re being strongly propositioned – John assures me that there are several other such breweries within driving distance, which he can send me links to.

Including one serious got lost, on the way home, we traveled 1795 Km/1122 miles, and spent about $210 Canadian, on gas.  We all enjoyed ourselves, and got to know each other much better, and I got four blog-posts out of it.  Thanx for coming along for the ride.  😀

Possibly Funny One-Liners

Anything seems possible….
….if you don’t know what you’re talking about.

A pun, an innuendo, and a limerick walk into a bar….
….No joke.

I am getting so old….
….that I have started lying about my children’s ages.

I am so old I can remember….
….when Emojis were called hieroglyphics.

Is it a sign that I am getting old….
….that I have started buying giant print alphabet soup?

I try not to let my age get me down,….
….at my age it is too hard to get back up again.

Too much sex can cause memory loss….
…. I read that in a Medical Journal on April 14th at 3:18 p.m.

I try to be a nice person….
….but sometimes my mouth just won’t co-operate.

My life diary – I was born,,,,
….Then everything bothered me – that brings us up to date.

As a chronic procrastinator….
….I’m deathly afraid of Saturday the 14^th.

In ancient Greece, Chiron was a half-human/half-horse, doctor….
….Centaur For Disease Control

I spent $300 on a limo, but it didn’t come with a driver….
….all that money, and nothing to chauffeur it

I looked up my family tree….
….I found out that I’m a sap.

Don’t worry about getting older….
….You still get to do stupid things, only slower.

The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock….
….It said, “What’s the matter, can’t you afford a watch?”….
…. “Are you too lazy to lift your arm up you idiot?…. “
….It was Greenwich Mean Time.

What’s an acorn?….
….In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.

Diet books are popular because….
….they appeal to a wide audience.

String theory may explain everything….
….Then again, maybe knot.

My ‘alone time’ is….
….strictly for the safety of others.

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.  He said, “Thanx”….
….I said, “Don’t mention it.”

When I get naked in the bathroom….
….the shower is the only thing that gets turned on.

Beware, Geeks Bearing Gifts

We were off to see the Wizard of White Eyes, minion of his better half, the Mistress of Mischief, Captain Chaos.

Quite aware that you can’t get the entire island of Manhattan for $12 worth of beads anymore, we only took along enough trinkets and trade goods to swap for a motel room for three nights.

The trip began with some free entertainment.  When we reached the border, we got into one of about eight lines of cars, waiting to be cleared by border guards.  Inch forward – inch forward…. From the rear passenger seat of the Honda beside us, a young, Asian female climbed out and stretched.

Then, from the shotgun seat, a young male Asian also climbed out, stretched, and spoke to her.  Next, the young male Asian driver climbed out and left his door open.  Finally, everybody rotated one space counter-clockwise.  The driver got in the left back.  The female moved up to front passenger, and the other male walked around to become the driver.  I had just watched a real, live, honest-to-goodness Chinese Fire Drill.

Ohio has a problem with drug usage.  Highway signs urge anyone with information about illegal drugs to call a special telephone number.  Small-town pharmacies near John Erickson’s home refuse to stock any opiates – fearing either robberies, or narc-raids.  They will not even order and dispense his Government-mandated migraine pain medication.  Knowing that we can be quite a pain in the ass neck, I obtained a couple of bottles of Tylenol, the strongest OTC pills available in Canada.

They were so sweet to allow us to intrude for a couple of days, so I brought along a half-gallon of dark maple syrup to top them back up to standard.  Captain Chaos says that she occasionally cooks with it, and even sometimes puts it in her coffee.  I don’t drink coffee, but I’m gonna try it in a night-time hot chocolate.

I am amazed that the occasional record store still exists.  Vinyl is making a comeback, though most of their sales are CDs.  It was regrettable that John could not find someone who could get an autographed copy of Idina Menzel’s book, at a signing in Chicago.  As a consolation prize, I managed to obtain a copy of her latest album release for him.  John Travolta badly mispronounced her name, when giving her an award.  Stores near John don’t carry it, because Amish and rednecks never heard of her.

As a thank you gift for our harassed hostess, we found a life-sized (for her) stuffed bear to add to her collection.  He is Crusader Rabbit’s friend, Crusader Bear.  Despite the strappy sandals, he’s not really a Roman bear.  He’s an historical re-enactor, like John.

That’s enough of me patting myself on the back for upsetting the Canada/US balance of Trade.  Just wait till I relate the mischief that we got up to while we were there.  😉

One Flew Over The Ego’s Nest

The most famous Atheist of the 20^th century found God.
(Writer’s note – No he didn’t! – Rebuttal below)
He Wrote a book about it.
I read the book.
Tickets to the Pity-Party are available for a nominal fee, at the box office in the lobby, as you exit the blog-site.

For fifty years, Antony Flew was the world’s best-known, and most vocal Atheist, a legend in his own mind.  He wrote a book titled There Is No God.  But he wasn’t your run-of-the-mill Atheist.  He didn’t merely not believe because he had not been presented with sufficiently convincing evidence.  He wanted to use words and debates and arguments and philosophy to prove that he was too smart to be gullible.

Just before he died, at age 80, he wrote another book.  The cover was identical to his earlier book, with the cutesy twist that, the word No was stroked through, and the word A was added.  The first half was about him.  Atheism was just an excuse to prove his brilliance.

He wrote and published a paper making some unsupported Atheist claim.  A year later, he wrote another paper, supporting the unsupportable.  He debated with a well-known Theist, and of course, won.  He wrote a paper rebutting and debunking another Theist.  He engaged in an ongoing correspondence contest with a Christian Apologist – and trounced him.  I’m surprised he didn’t dislocate his shoulder, patting himself on the back.

When he published the, There Is A God book, the Christian Apologist and Debater Society immediately adopted him.  The book’s blurb says, “The world’s most famous Atheist changed his mind.”  They clasped him to their bosom, and erected a life-sized cardboard cut-out of him, like Iron Man, despite the fact that his book specifically denies the existence of the needy, personal Christian God who knows your every thought, answers prayers, performs miracles, and hands out morality, and penalties for not obeying it.

He didn’t really change his mind; he just refined his reference points, and therefore his conclusion. He very unscientifically decided that there was some sort of underlying order and control to the cosmos.  He had ‘discovered’ Spinoza’s Deistic “God,” or Einstein’s.  He had found a (incorrectly spelled) Copernician, non-personal “God”.  He still had 26 angels, dancing on the head of a pin, but these ones were black-clad Goths, not golden, white-robed, haloed ones.

His statements – claims – were all null, because they had no referents.  The book is full of philosophical and debate buzzwords, open to interpretation.  He made claims based on ungrounded assumptions from unproven methodology.  The most common word in the book is IF!  If there is order in the Universe, GOD must have put it there.  If objective morals exist, then GOD must have commanded them.

The ‘Laws of Nature’ are descriptive, not prescriptive.  They are established by Mankind – scientists – who state observed reality.  Light does not travel at 300,000 Km/sec because God stands out in the cosmos with a crossing-guard paddle and a radar gun, yet Flew wanted to know “Who wrote the Laws of Nature?” with no evidence, no proof, that such a thing was even possible, or if it was, that it was a WHO that did it.

He firmly declared that he could not believe in Abiogenesis and evolution, that life – intelligence – could come merely from matter.  I guess that he was so busy being famous, that he missed the Miller-Urey experiments which proved that it was possible.

Yet another ‘Religious’ book that I was unimpressed, and underwhelmed by.  It seems that the only thing that Philosophy and debate prove, is that Philosophical debaters can be some very uninformed, ivory-tower assholes.

***

Later, I learned that the book was actually written by a Christian Apologist, with a Religious bias, who blamed credited Flew with having actually penned it.  After the cover claims that There Is A God, it shows Antony Flew as author, with Roy Abraham Varghese, as if he was only there to sharpen pencils, make coffee, and look up definitions.  Varghese wrote and published the book without Flew’s knowledge or authorization – Standard Practice!  😦  😳

Egg-Citing One-Liners

I just wrote a great egg joke….
….but someone poached it off me.

A is for apple. B is for boy.  What is C for?….
….Explosive material.

Which end of a swimming pool is more reliable?….
….The deep-end.

I joined a support group for people who talk too much….
….We call ourselves, On and On Anon.

The therapist said I can get over my fear of buffets….
….But first, I’ve got to want to help myself.

I’m having an….
….out-of-money experience.

Don’t believe everything….
….you think.

I showed a mime a magic trick….
….He was speechless.

I like a band called ‘Cat’s Eyes’….
….They play middle-of-the-road stuff.

Improper Fractions Helpdesk….
….now open 24/7

The wife; I’ve changed my mind….
….Me; Good!  Does it work any better now?

A husband is living proof….
….that a wife can take a joke.

My wife and I are inseparable….
….Last week it took four policemen and a dog.

I don’t have a carbon footprint….
….I drive everywhere.

The wife said, “I want another baby.”….
….I said, “Thank goodness.  I didn’t like this one.”

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children….
….If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My Mother said, One man’s trash is another man’s treasure….
….Turns out I’m adopted.

I’m writing a book about what I should be doing with my life….
….It’s an oughttobiography.

In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth….
….After that, everything was made in China.

I tried to write a joke about restraining orders….
….but this is as close as I’m allowed to get.

What do you say to comfort a Grammar Nazi?….
….There, their, they’re.

I bought a new Thesaurus today….
….It’s nothing to write house about.

’23 A To Z Challenge – O

FAR OUT, MAN!

How far, you ask?  You did ask, didn’t you?

I really enjoyed reading the science fiction books, and watching the TV series for, The Expanse.  Without exactly explaining the engines/propulsion systems, the writers showed that the spaceships were capable of incredible acceleration, and significant top speed.  Even at that, the authors showed that some of the longer trips could take weeks, or months.

Still, I don’t know whether the writers didn’t see their misconception, or were just dumbing it down simplifying it for their readers.  They wrote as if the planets and moons of the solar system were all laid out one-dimensionally, linearly, like beads on a string, as shown in the image above – but the system is two-dimensional.

Earth’s orbit is 93,000,000 miles from the Sun.  Mars orbits at 142,000,000 miles out.  Therefore, it is 142 – 93 = 49 million miles from Earth to Mars, right??!   WRONG!  Mars could be on the other side of the Sun in its orbit.  It could be 93 + 142 = 235 million miles away.  And that’s just our nearest neighbor.  When we get to the outer planets like Uranus, Neptune and Pluto, the orbital separation could turn those trips into years – or decades.  NASA launched Voyager 1 in 1977, and it only recently officially left the Solar System – 45 years later.

Which finally brings us to a Dutchman who had a celestial gravel pit named after him, the

OORT CLOUD

a region of our solar system far beyond the orbit of Pluto, in which billions of comets move in nearly circular orbits unless one is pulled into a highly eccentric elliptical orbit by a passing star.  The Oort cloud is the namesake of Dutch astronomer Jan Hendrik Oort, who first proposed the cloud’s existence. The surname Oort comes from Middle Dutch ort or oort, meaning “edge, corner, outermost point,” which makes the name Oort cloud serendipitously perfect for an area at the farthest reaches of the Solar System. Oort cloud was coined in the 1970s.

While the Kuiper belt is 30–50 astronomical units (AU) from the Sun and contains dwarf planets, the Oort cloud is a whopping 2,000–200,000 AU from the Sun and contains only asteroid-like objects.