Witchy Woman

Witchy WomanWitch

Mildred comes home to find her Witchy broommate crying hysterically.
Oh my god Agatha, what’s wrong??
I just got back from the doctor, and she said I CAN’T HAVE KIDS.
Oh Agatha, says Mildred, I am so sorry for you….but a food allergy isn’t the end of the world.

***

Years ago, I took the entrance exam to go to medical school.

One of the many questions asked about human anatomy, was to rearrange the letters “PNEIS”, into the name of ‘an important part of the body, which is most useful when erect.’

Those who wrote ‘SPINE’ went on to become doctors.
The rest of us are just posting jokes on social media.

***

A wife texted her husband, “Windows frozen” on a cold winter day.
He texted back, “Pour some lukewarm water over it.”
5 minutes later she texts him again, “Computer is completely messed up now.”

***

1st Hillbilly says: “My wife sure is stupid, she bought an air conditioner.”

2nd Hillbilly says: “Why is that stupid?”

1st Hillbilly says: “We ain’t got no ‘lectricity!”

2nd Hillbilly says: “That’s nothing, my wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new-fangled warshin’ machines!”

1st Hillbilly says: “Why is that so stupid?”

2nd Hillbilly says: “‘Cause we ain’t got no plummin'”

3rd Hillbilly says: “That ain’t nuthin’! My wife is dumber than both yer wives put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin’ fer some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.”

1st and 2nd Hillbillies say: “Well, what’s so dumb about that?”
3rd Hillbilly says: “She ain’t got no dick.”

***

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

***

Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient ones. Today I got a call from the Home Depot that installed them. The caller complained that the work had been completed a year ago, but hadn’t been paid for.

Just because I’m a Senior Citizen, doesn’t mean that I am automatically mentally challenged. I told him just what his fast-talking salesman told me last year, ‘Those windows will pay for themselves in a year.’ ‘It’s been a year, so they’re obviously paid for.’ I told him. There was silence at the other end of the line, so I hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.

***

Eagles fans can click ‘Witchy Woman’, above the graphic to hear what they think about a Witchy Woman.

 

’19 A To Z Challenge – L

AtoZ2019letter-l

 

 

 

 

 

 

Superstition

And superstition rears its ugly head again. Closed-minded tribalism makes too many of humanity fear anything different. Destroy it! Destroy it! It is the Devil’s work! 😯

This post takes for its theme, the word

LANUGO

Noun; a coat of delicate, downy hairs, especially that with which the human fetus or a newborn infant is covered.

A few times (far too few), Bible-thumping Christian Fundamentalists have changed their minds about LGBT+, when they realized that their child was gay, but not evil and sinful. One Southern Methodist preacher had three of his four children (two sons, and his daughter) go gay on him.

It is regrettable that extreme cases of lanugos are not more common. It might educate the evolution-denying, Young Earth Creationists, to have a baby that looked like a Bonobo pop out. It would clearly show that we are related to monkeys – although the monkeys might object.

Lanugo

While the occasional baby has a thick enough coat of fur to look like a chimp, it falls off within days, or a week, leaving a pink, squalling, naked ape. While not afflicted with an actual lanugo, my son’s enate Italian heritage gave him considerable heavy body hair at birth – arms, legs, shoulders, back. He looked like a miniature, stereotypical Guido. He had a full head of black hair the day he was born. Old wives’ tales say that it causes the mother heartburn. He got his first haircut at age three months.

I’m not sure, even in today’s society, what reaction a lanugo baby might receive from narrow-minded ‘Good Christian’ parents. Another similar religiously-connected word is

Caul

Noun; a part of the amnion sometimes covering the head of a child at birth.

It’s merely a bit of internal tissue, but superstitious peasants used to believe that it was a sign that the baby was owned or possessed by Satan. Such children were strangled, smothered, drowned, or stabbed at birth, or even worse, exposed to the elements to die, like the Athenians used to do.

The Christian portion of the world is getting better – moving forward into the discoveries of how the Universe works, but the Evangelicals don’t understand why large portions of the population – Good Christians, as well as Atheists – want to maintain separation of Church and State, and prevent being dragged back into the Dark Ages of superstition.

Now, if only we could get the Islamic portion to do the same.

Sorry if this was a bit of a downer. Comedy next Monday – bring your biggest smile.

Laughing Face

A Collection Of Atheism-Related Quotes

atheist-i-am

“Through the prior assumption that his beliefs of faith are true, the Christian necessarily concludes that any ‘conflict’ between reason and faith is a mistake. He does not want contradictions, so he will refuse to accept anything as evidence of a contradiction. There is no apparent contradiction that cannot be explained away — even if it entails the castration of the Christian religion and the sacrifice of reason.”

George H. Smith, Atheism: The Case Against God

“Whenever a man imagines that he need only believe the truth of a proposition, without evidence … he becomes capable of anything.”

Sam Harris, The End of Faith

“Because religious doctrines are supposedly ordained of God, the religious adherent cannot easily question the teachings of his chosen church, even when those teachings are provably false. The scientist, on the other hand, is most rewarded when he proves the conventional wisdom wrong and revolutionizes our understanding of the universe.”

David Mills, Atheist Universe

“At this very moment, millions of sentient people are suffering unimaginable physical and mental afflictions, in circumstances where the compassion of God is nowhere to be seen, and the compassion of human beings is often hobbled by preposterous ideas about sin and salvation.”

Sam Harris, Letter To A Christian Nation

“Monotheists have to practise intellectual gymnastics to explain how an all-knowing, all-powerful and perfectly good God allows so much suffering in the world.”

Yuval Noah Harari, Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind

“Religious faith is, precisely because we are still-evolving creatures, ineradicable. It will never die out, or at least not until we get over our fear of death, and of the dark, and of the unknown, and of each other.”

Christopher Hitchens, God Is Not Great

“Being an atheist is nothing to be apologetic about. On the contrary, it is something to be proud of … ”

Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion

 

’17 A To Z Challenge – Y

Challenge2017 Letter Y

Big Bang

As I bring this year’s A to Z Challenge to a close, I’ve stumbled upon a couple of interesting and new (to me) words. This one is for all the Good Christians, the Creationists, the evolution-deniers, and the Christian Apologetics.  The word is

YLEM  [ahy-luh m]

noun

the original matter from which the basic elements are said to have been formed following the explosion postulated in the big bang theory of cosmology

origin of ylem

1948; adoption, in modern astrophysics, of Middle English ylem (Gower) < Medieval Latin (h)ȳlem, accusative of hȳlē < Greek hȳ́lē matter, wood

For God so loved each and every individual Good Christian, that they rush to prove their special value by disproving The Big Bang, and evolution.  They use such dismissive and demeaning phrases as “particles to people” and “molecules to man,” to show that their existence couldn’t have ‘just happened.’  They ask, “How could everything have come from nothing?”

This word, and the scientific information that it reveals, shows how desperately incorrect they are. Whether God created it, or it ‘just happened’, the singularity point, and the ylem that sprang from it, already contained everything.

It held all the potentials and possibilities of an entire Universe. It contained every possible creative force, in every combination and permutation, controlled by every variation of quantum entanglement.  It produced sub-atomic particles that combined to produce all the atoms, which got married to produce all the possible molecules.

It included the total energy of the entire Universe, in every possible form. If the energy of souls exist, this is where they came from, waiting only for God, or random happenstance, to combine with the molecules which have become Man – the particles which have become people.

The rich primordial stew of YLEM proves creation – the creation of infinite variation, potential, possibility, and evolution.  It just doesn’t prove that any single human being is any more important than they make themself, despite what their faith would have them believe.

WOW #20

Stunned*

I just knew that, sooner or later, my love of language and my general disdain for organized religion would crash into each other, and cause me grief. In scanning some Atheist/anti-Atheist blog-posts recently, I came upon the Word Of the Week, which is

CATHOLIC

adjective

broad or wide-ranging in tastes, interests, or the like; having sympathies with all;
broad-minded; liberal.
universal in extent; involving all; of interest to all.
pertaining to the whole Christian body or church.

Origin of catholic

1300-1350; Middle English < Latin catholicus < Greek katholikós general, equivalent to kathól(ou) universally (contraction of phrase katà hólou according to the whole; see cata-, holo- ) + -ikos -ic

The word ‘catholic’ is a Janus-word, one of a few in English which have 2 different, contradictory meanings, like ‘cleave’, which can mean to split into pieces – or to make pieces into one solid whole, or the verb ‘table’, which can mean to set aside and not deal with – or to deal with immediately.

Even when the word catholic was first used to describe the Christian church/religion, the existence of Jews, Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, etc., clearly show that it violated definition #2. It was not universal!  It did not involve or was of interest to all!

The longer it has existed, the more it has diverged from definition #1. Instead of being broad-minded, liberal, and sympathetic to all, it has become increasingly more hidebound, narrow-minded and dogmatic.

The Roman Catholic Church even violates the third definition. It does not represent the entire body of the Christian faith, as proved by the existence of 33,000 Protestant denominations.  It split, or was split from, the Greek Orthodox Church, and the Russian Orthodox Church.  Even just linguistically, it cannot claim to be an only child, when it obviously has two brothers.

I hear/read Christian Apologetics try to deny evolution by asking questions like, “If we came from monkeys/apes, why are there still monkeys/apes?” I just want to scream, “Are you really as stupid and narrow-minded as that question makes you appear? Read a book – not just The Good Book.”  If all dogs came from wolves, why are there still wolves?  Or better, if all Christian denominations came from Catholic, why are there still Catholics?  We didn’t ‘come from apes/monkeys.’  Apes, monkeys and humans all came from a common ancestor.  It’s just that some of us are a little more evolved than others.

In arguments/discussions about Christianity/Faith/Bible, Christian Apologetics have answers to explain away every single thing, but not for everything.  If doubt were a building, they have individual arguments to refute bricks, doors, windows, floors and roofs – but not the entire house.  Their arguments against bricks contradict their claims denying the existence of windows, etc., etc., etc.!   😦  😯

Animal, Vegetable, Or Mineral?

DNA

OR; What I Got For Christmas 2015

I got knowledge, or at least, the chance to obtain knowledge. I just hope I get proof that I belong on this planet, although I may not be happy with some of my relatives.  “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!”  Not if the Christians have anything to do with it.

SDC10937

Since I don’t need anything, and anything I’d want would be too expensive, the family got together and bought me a DNA kit.  Companies like 23andMe (because of the 23 pairs of chromosomes in each human cell), and Ancestry dot Com/Ca sell kits which they send to you.  You provide a DNA sample, and they provide information.

23andMe stresses that their results include warnings about genetic diseases, like Tay-Sachs Syndrome, and Sickle Cell Anemia. We got our kit from Ancestry dot Ca.  Their advertising doesn’t mention these, although I may yet be pleasantly surprised.  They don’t seem terribly worried that you may die of some horrible disease, only who you’re related to when it happens.

I wondered how I was to provide the DNA sample. Did I prick my finger like diabetics?  Would I have to go to the nearby clinic to have them draw a small vial of blood?  The son reassured me that it was just like you see on CSI.  You swab the inside of your mouth, and send them the sealed swab.

We were all surprised to unpack a small plastic tube with a spit-cup on the top. You fill it with saliva, break an ampule of stabilizer and mix it, and send it away.  Despite using the Canadian website, the package came from the Mormons in Utah.  What I have yet to discover is, why it gets sent to Dublin, Ireland for processing.

The results break the world down into 23 subsections, and tell you what percentages of your genes come from each area. After the assumptions I made in my ‘Who Am I’ post, it will be interesting to see how right (or wrong) I was.

As bad as the Lowells and Cabots of Boston, Mormons are fixated on who you are related to. Included in the fee is a limited family tree, going back a hundred years. “You may find cousins you didn’t even know you had.” Or I may find cousins that I didn’t want to know existed – and don’t want to know that I exist…highwaymen, scam artists, pirates, Ted Cruz, people who voted for the Green Party.  “Hey cuz, could you spare $3500 for bail? I promise to pay you back as soon as I get a job.”

I’ll post the DNA and kinship results when they come back. Some of you may prefer to admit that you are descended from monkeys, rather than admit that I dangle from your family tree.  I think some of my ancestors were hanged from mine.  Of all my relations – I like sex the best. They say that knowledge is free, but I think somebody’s going to pay. 😛

Book Review #10

Refuting Evolution  Refuting Evolution 2

I bought the above two books for a variety of reasons. First, I got them for $1.50/each.  That’s almost free reading.  Second, added to some books the wife was ordering, the invoice totalled over $25, so the shipping was free.  A third reason was to ‘know thy enemy.’ Last but not least, was the fact that the author is a scientist, and a PhD, and might actually have some valid information that I was not aware of.

The first book is titled Refuting Evolution.  The second, in case you didn’t ‘get it’ the first time, is Refuting Evolution 2, which isn’t really what he does in either book.  I’ve had operators’ manuals for a toaster oven that were longer than the 132-page first book.  Oh well, it only cost a buck and a half.

What he does, or tries to do and fails, is refute well-known evolutionists. He puts words in their mouths, then tries to argue against.  ‘Christopher Hitchens said this about that – but he’s wrong, and I’m right.’  No he didn’t!  And No you’re not!  ‘Richard Dawkins said that, but he means this – to agree with me.’  No he doesn’t.

For an author with a PhD, the cognitive dissonance is thick. He believes in mutations, and natural selection – but not evolution.  A God who created the universe in six days, 7000 years ago is okay – but a God who created the same universe 14 Billion years ago and is guiding its development, isn’t.

While not very good at actually refuting anything, he is quite adept at slinging dismissive language. Friends and scientists who agree with his views, are ‘renowned’, and ‘esteemed’, while Richard Dawkins is merely ‘well-known’.  Am I being finicky if I read that as equivalent to ‘known to police’?  Evolutionary scientists are referred to as ‘the Communist Atheist, Mr. X’ and ‘the Marxist Atheist, Mr. Y.’

Two other of his oft-repeated denial phrases are, ‘particles to people’, and ‘molecules to man.’ His own published fact that 95% of biologists believe in evolution is not a case of the people closest to the situation knowing the most about it; it must be an Atheist Conspiracy.

He claims The Church wasn’t wrong when they declared that the Earth was flat, and the center of creation, and that all orbits were perfect circles.  They had all the facts, but they merely interpreted them incorrectly.  Galileo wasn’t threatened with torture by the Catholic Church…well, he was, but that was because of a bunch of secular politicians who hated him.  (Wait!  Did he just admit that the Pope and the entire Church were led around by the nose by a bunch of bureaucrats?  I find that harder to believe than Creationism.)

He says that the Ptolemaic, flat-Earth, geocentric stuff in the Bible comes from Psalms – but that’s not really ‘the Bible’, that’s just Hebrew poetry, and – it’s been misinterpreted.  Really?  Who could have seen that coming?

He’s pretty good at ‘interpreting’ things too. If an Evolutionist says, ‘be careful how this information is released’, knowing that there are nuts like him out there who will react badly, he’s all over it, claiming that it must be a lie. If a Paleontologist admits that a fossil of an expected transitional form has not yet been found, he claims that it’s because one does not exist.

If scientists don’t have the answer to every question yet, you shouldn’t believe anything they say.  Trust in him, because he has the same answer to every question, drawn from faith in only one book of the Bible, Genesis, which he is constantly interpreting.

Putting words in people’s mouths again, he says that Evolutionists claim that we came from simple aquatic beings like jellyfish – yet no-one has ever found a jellyfish fossil. No, and no-one has ever found the grape Jell-O my kid spilled on the sidewalk last week, just before it rained.  He says we killed millions of buffalo (bison) on the plains last century, but no-one has ever found a buffalo fossil.  I guess if you categorically deny that something happened, you don’t bother to find out how.

The same day that I read his claim that turtles were created in their present form by GOD, because there were no fossils of any transitional form, I read that they had found a transitional-form turtle fossil in the mountains of Germany.  He denies that any fossils were created by sand turning into sandstone through sedimentation, because a few have been found giving birth, or eating.  “They’d have just moved out of the way.” as if they could just sidestep an opening sinkhole, or a flash flood, or a collapsing riverbank, and were later buried in silt.

Like the bumblebee which can’t fly, he mathematically ‘proves’ that the number of mutational occurrences necessary to arrive at Man, would have taken 85 Billion years, not the 4.5 Billion Evolutionists claim.

My Statistics professor stated that, “Figures lie, and liars figure.” The above might be true, if they happened one at a time. On any given day, it is estimated that there are 86,000 lightning strikes, about half of them over the ocean.  It was probably more than twice that, when the atmosphere and seas were still thick with chemicals.  Possibilities for that energy to fuse some of them into a primitive type of protein occurred simultaneously, dozens of times every second.

The other thing Mr. Scientist got wrong, is that statistics say that there may be 85 billion chances, but it doesn’t have to go all the way to the last one to happen. Life may have arisen on the hundredth, or the tenth, or even the first time.

It wasn’t long before I was reading just for entertainment and amusement. He got a rant about atomic deterioration wrong on a scale of 10/7th power, a minor mistake which would have blasted the Earth to dust.  The second book is a bit longer than the first, but he offers no new arguments, just the same old ones, only SHOUTED LOUDER, and repeated more often.

These books are printed and distributed from six places in the world, Australia, New Zealand, England, Kansas/USA, Japan (?), and five miles away, in our sister city, Waterloo, Ontario. I’m a bit worried.  Are Mennonites involved?   😕