Fibbing Friday’s Shot

 

Here is Pensitivity101’s final selection chosen from the site put forward by Archon’s Den.
Give ’em your best shot please!

1. Sardoodledom

This is the art of making toy cars for your kids, using empty smoked-fish tins.

2. Callithumpian

This is Donald Trump’s presidential campaign on the west coast.

3. Turdiform

Is the Poop-N-Scoop citation you receive for not picking up after your dog in the park.

4. Persiflage

This is speed-reading a novel, instead of slowly savoring it for body and nuance.

5. Palpebrous

This describes the guy who, singlehandedly, caused the beginning of the Feminist movement.  His real name was (Leonard) Lennie, but all the women called him Hans.  He slid his fingers up one gal’s skirt, and she exclaimed, “Heavens above.”  He replied, “I know, love.  I’ll be there soon enough.”

6. Chary

Chary is the Latin word for the horse – or one of a team – that pulled the two-wheeled chariots.

7. Malapert

Malapert was Madame Malaprop’s husband.

8. Dowsabel

Dowsabel is a small fire, which you can put out yourself, by just throwing a glass of water on it.

9. Maquillage

Maquillage is the French word for Makeup, and the French make up stuff all the time.  They pretend that ditch gleanings like frogs’ legs and snails, are not only food, but gourmet food – must be all the wine.  Napoleon’s invasion campaign was not about territory or political power.  He was just trying to get some nice German strudel, and Russian latkes.

10. Dysania

Insanity is hereditary.  You get it from your kids.  It’s said that insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting to get different results.  Dysania is when you do the same thing, especially at work, and get different results.
This is not a real job.
If this were a real job, you could expect pay rises, bonuses, and personal approbation.

Direct Fibbing Friday

Last week Pensitivity101 was directed to a site recommended by fellow blogger Archons Den.
Who, Little Old Meeee??   😎
These are the first batch she selected for your definitions and thoughts please:

1. Groak

None of this, “Kiss me, and I’ll turn into a prince, rot!”  This is what frogs really say, often, just before they become lunch at a bistro.

2. Nefelibata

This was the female child of the Egyptian goddess, Nefertiti.  The Woke brigade are trying to amend all history books to give her name as Neferbosom.  😮

3. Paranymph

The wife of one of two physicians – Paradox – in a medical partnership.

4. Flummery

This is the expulsion of copious amounts of natural gas, after a good feed of baked beans.  If foods with Sulphur, like egg yolks, are also consumed, the RSPCA will show up to ensure that it doesn’t get blamed on the dog.

5. Sirenize

Hurrying down Interstate 75 a bit faster than all the other traffic??  The State Troopers will sonically let you know that it’s not a good idea, with a better noise than that British coppers’ Wee-Waw, Wee-Waw.  I say old chap, could you see your way clear to pull over?

6. Carker

He’s the parking valet at a low-rent hotel.  As their sign says, Please remember what your parking attendant looks like.  We don’t employ one!

7. Smatchet

Get arrogant, or just oblivious, and run a red light.  This is how your car, and probably several others, will end up.  Put the damned cell-phone down!

8. Shivviness

A noun to describe knife fights and inmate murders in prisons.

9.Sprauncy (Sproncy)

This is the word I use to describe my personal appearance/style – also called shabby chic.  The wife says I look like I combed my hair with a pillow.  ‘Pigpen’ from the Peanuts cartoon strip has blocked me on Facebook, and as I walked past a Salvation Army Thrift Store, a clerk came out and offered me a free makeover.

10. Druxy

This is how you feel when you pick up a dozen Krispy Kreme donuts for the family, on your way home, and then have to hide the empty box when you get there.

 

Family Fibbing Friday

Familiar, or maybe not so familiar, phrases from Pensitivity101 last week.
What are your interpretations for these?

1. “A few sandwiches short of a picnic”
   I came home to find that the wife had laid out a lovely lunch for me. How was I to know the food was for her Ladies’ Group park brunch?

   2. “Bagsy”
   A chicken in every pot…. and some pot in every chick. Marijuana dispensaries in every strip-mall, is still better than the methadone clinics.  A better class of clientele.  One of the customers asked me, “Spare a pound, mate?”  I told him that I only had big bills, so he asked for one of those.  I gave him the one from the electric supplier.

   3. “Bog-standard”
   Acidic water in bogs actually causes small lumps of cold iron to precipitate out, which can be forged into knives and swords that elves are allergic to.  So, if you’re racist against elves, live near a swamp.

   4. “Budge up”
   The tube cars are already so crowded that Weird Al Yankovic says Another One Rides the Bus.  If you died right now, you couldn’t fall down, till Piccadilly Station.  You can only hope that the hand you feel near your crotch is simply trying to steal your wallet – and some yob in a transit uniform says “Make room please”  Not and still breathe!  Perhaps I could just fax myself to the office.  Whatever happened to “Work From Home??”

   5. “Chinwag”
   A blind man and his guide dog were waiting for a bus, when the dog lifted his leg and peed on the man’s pant leg.  A bystander saw it happen.  The blind man reached into his pocket and gave the dog a treat.  The watcher was appalled.  “Why would you give your dog a treat, when he peed on you??!”  ‘I’m just trying to figure out where his head is, so I can kick his ass!”

   6. “Faff”
   You’ll have to forgive me for not having an interesting/amusing response to this one.  I really meant to research it, but I played a few games of Mahjong…. then I researched the language and meaning of the surname Kense…. and then I fell down a YouTube rabbit hole, watching idiots at work.  I promise to do better next time.  Faff Trump and his Presidential campaign!

   7. “Full Monty” was the English breakfast that Field Marshal Montgomery was served at Alamein.

   8. “Give me a tinkle on the blower”
   I cheered when my room-mate bought an expensive stereo, but he only played either rap music, or Taylor Swift.  I demanded asked him nicely several times to stop, but I don’t have to ask anymore, at least for a while.  Suddenly last week, his high-quality Quadra-Phonic speakers stopped working, and they have a strange smell.  I blame the dog.

   9. “On it like a car bonnet”
   
   That’s how the darling little Minis are decorated, to appear in the Gay Pride parade.

   10. “Tickety-boo” – is a paper cut that you get from a bingo card.
   Know how to get a 70 year-old, church-going lady to yell, “FUCK”?
   Let another one yell Bingo first.  It’s a rough game.

Following Fibbing Friday

 

Here follows a list of words from Pensitivity101 that you may or may not know. How would you define or describe them?

 

1. Meldrop
Meldrop is Canada’s 1 company producing maple syrup, located in Quebec. While many of us Anglophones have lost our manufacturing jobs, our pet Frogs still wander around in the woods, stabbing trees, and drinking their blood.

2. Snirl
Snirl is what my watch-dog does when he has a head cold.

3. Kiffle
My dog goes ‘round and ‘round in circles before she lies down.  She’s a watch-dog, winding herself up.  Kiffle is the small, hard bits of dog food that she deigns to eat – when she’s not cutely begging for table scraps, or treats.

4. Fox’s Cough
Who do you think my dog caught her cold from?

5. Sternutament
There’s the Old Testament, and the New Testament…. and then there’s the praise book that my Fire and Brimstone, fundamentalist Baptist preacher uses.  Even God says, “Dude, chill!”

6. Awvish
Means kinda, sorta impressive – but not really.

7. Presenteeism
This is a type of behavior favoured by some politicians.  Rather than stay in his office, near the phone and computer, dealing with ongoing business for the good of his electors, he’s attending every photo opportunity for visibility, re-election, and the advancement of his career.

If the wife or I don’t kill the other before we reach 60 years of marriage – he’ll be here, smiling into the cameras, to present us with a gilt-edged certificate of congratulation.  If the city changes the contract for dustbin collector – he’ll be present at the landfill to present the new company’s Operations Manager with a signed copy of the contract.  If Works crews refurbish the washrooms in the downtown park – he’ll be there to present the Parks Commissioner with a gold key to the new loo.  Be thankful for the new LED camera flash units.  Thousands of flash bulbs died to make him what he is.

8. Headwarch

This is a timepiece favoured by nurses.  It pins to the left lapel, and hangs upside down from a strap or ribbon.  An amply-endowed nurse need only nod her head forward to see the time.  Less full-figured females need to tip it up with one hand.

9. Kink-Haust
Kink-Haust is a very popular BDSM club, here in what used to be named Berlin, Ontario.  I never joined, because I don’t want to be tied in with them.

10. Alysm
Alsym is a fictitious company which exists solely to be a Fibbing Friday prompt for Pensitivity.  Its imaginary prospectus says that it is Wayne Industry’s largest competitor, and manufactures MacGuffins.

Evanescence

There is nothing which will point out our own mortality, quicker than losing a pet.

Duff, our little white, male Scottish terrier quietly died on the couch, while the wife and I read, following a short bout of, what we thought was a mild case of stomach flu.  It occurred at 3:00 AM, on Saturday, December 2nd – our 56^th wedding anniversary.

I always insisted that he was white, but the correct term was ‘brindle.’  He had a two-inch stripe of the faintest golden toffee color down his spine, from neck to tail.  It’s no wonder that he was so sweet.   No longer will our solid, and stolid, little warrior, soldier on.  Dogs cannot, and will not, tell you that they are sick, and how, and how much.

He had thrown up digestive fluid a couple of times, including once that contained grass that he’d eaten, but his stool was regular, and firm.  He wanted out a few times on a stormy night where the temperature hovered at the freezing mark, and precipitation changed from wet to white, and back.

In retrospect, he probably knew the end was coming.  He remained outside far longer than seemed necessary.  Finally, he’d been out in terrible weather for almost an hour when I called him, and got no response.  I went out to look for him, and found him, cold and soaked, lying on a flower-planting urn.

He would, or could, not jump down.  I set him on the ground.  He would not walk.  I carried him to the deck stairs.  He would not climb.  I set him down outside the deck door to open it.  He would not walk in.  I carried him to the couch.  He would not jump up.  I placed him on a soft, warm, Llama-wool blanket, and used a big, warm towel to dry and massage him.  Finally, warm, dry, and apparently comfortable, he lay down and snuggled in.

The wife kept an eye on him.  Later, she asked me, ‘Is he breathing?’, fully expecting me to ruffle him, and answer ‘Yes.”  When I touched him, the answer was, ‘definitely not!’  He never seemed to be in any great physical distress.  We hope that he passed peacefully.

His breathing never seemed labored.  I suspect kidney failure.  He was so apparently healthy and full of energy and play. He and his same-litter sister, Guin, were only 5-1/2 years old.   The wife asked if ‘They’ could do an autopsy, to determine how he died.  Like the distinction between hanged, and hung, humans get autopsies – pets get necropsies.  The answer is – Yes – but like my neurological syndrome, it would cost thousands of dollars to put a name to something that could not have been avoided.

Our own veterinarian is 15 miles away, and is not open on the weekends.  The clinic where he began his career is a mile away, with reduced weekend hours.  The son came home from his midnight shift, and had a teary chance to say his goodbyes.  At 9 AM we called to ask about cremation, and took him in.  As with all our previous pets, we want individual cremation, with his ashes returned in an urn that we chose.

In a week or so, he will return.  I’ll have the daughter fashion a pendant of some sort, and paint his name on it, and we’ll drape it, and his collar and tags around it, and he’ll go at the end of a line on a basement-stair ledge, which shows the history of our pets.

Duff, in his younger days. 😀

Our pets are not dead and gone, as long as we remember, and love, and miss them.  I only hope that the same can be said of me.

Shakespoodle’s Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 is no Shakespeare but wanted to know how we would use/continue these famous lines.

1. What light through yonder window breaks?
‘Tis the little footie-fiend who lives next door.  He’ll not get his ball back till his Father replaces the pane.

2. Alas, poor Yorick………………..
He maketh a Polish joke.  He canst not help it.  He is a Polish joke.  Now cancelled he be.  ‘Tis better than drawn and quartered.

3. Romeo, Aromeo, wherefore art thou Aromeo?
When I had told thee to hit the showers, I meaneth it literally.  Tybalt’s blood upon thy doublet doth begin to reek.

4. To be, or not to be…………………….
I know not, for my fair wife hath not yet told me.  She being engrossed, helping Lady Macbeth evict a stray dog which encamped in the castle.  Out! Out! Damned Spot.

5. All the World’s a stage……………………
And I wish to spend a penny (No! No! Not like that  😮 ) to view Love’s Labour’s Lost at the Globe, and take my mind off all this Woke/Cancel Culture crappeth.

6. All that glisters…………
will be eased with the application of a hot mustard plaster.

7. Give every man thy ear……………
That they may eat of roasted corn on this festive Day of Thanksgiving.

8. Neither a borrower nor a lender be……..
But draw outrageous fortune by being a crony at the Central Bank, and regulate what we must be.

9. Many a true word…………
is conspicuously absent, when politicians joust.

10. Do not swear by the moon……………..
Swear by the moonshine.  A tankard of that will enlarge thy profanity quotient.

’23 A To Z Challenge – Q

I’d like to do a quid pro quo, but if one of my British mates doesn’t pay me a quid, it will have to be a quid amateur pro.  I will just remain an old quidnunc.  ‘Quid’ is a Latin word which is partially naturalized into English.  It is translated as ‘what’, but originally meant ‘a thing’, or, ‘that which is.’

I’m about as philosophical as Queen Lizzie’s corgis, now that she’s gone, and not as well housetrained.  I have used the phrase, find the Whichness of the Why, to appear erudite, but I recently found quid’s philosopher cousin, the word

QUIDDITY

A whatness, the quality that makes a thing what it is; the essential nature of a thing.

You know the sound of two hands clapping, but what is the sound of a rock, just being a stone??

One good philosophy deserves inevitably attracts another.  It’s bad enough that Roman philosophy had a word for this.  You’ve seen the Latin word, now prepare to meet the Greek equivalent – Haecceity.

The sound of confused silence is just the quiddity of me being my usual, unsophisticated Grumpy Old Dude.  Just you wait till next year, when I reach the unconnected – liquidity – a report on  my minuscule retirement income versus the rampant inflation.  Stop back in a couple of days for another fabulous Fibbing Friday – no lie.

Definition Of Fibbing Friday

Last week, Pensitivity101 was asking for definitions of the following words:

1. Eunoia

It is a viny, variegated-leafed plant that is busy covering the side of my house, and Miss Marple’s cottage.

2. Fika

That is the name of the horse that Roddy McDowell, the young British actor in a 1943 movie called, “My Friend.”

3. Redamancy

This is the already-exciting filmography of Eddie Redmayne, the British actor who played a slightly autistic xeno-zoologist in two Harry Potter prequel movies.

4. Aliferous

An adjective to describe fancy French cooking that hides things like dead snails under too much garlic sauce.

5. Peiskos

These are Neil and Bob, the two particularly, constantly annoying, redneck spawn who live next door.  They heard the term Brain Trust, and wanted to get a loan.

6. Querencia

This is a Spanish, or Latin-American, girl’s fifteenth birthday party.

7. Metanoia

There’s irritating…. and then there’s the organic level achieved by the Chaos Twins next door.  It’s so  bad, the dog now carries a gun when he goes out.

8. Ataraxia

It’s a medical condition which produces itchy palms, caused by allergies, stress, and anything you don’t want to admit to your Grandma.

9. Lagom

It’s a calm pool of water, contained and protected by a coral atoll, at resort tropical islands, where you can catch crabs…. and other assorted STDs.

10. Apricity

How come the front of Apple stores…. are all windows??

Apricity is the name of the online outlet, where you can go to spend real money to download all these fancy-damn Electronic programs that make your cell phones smarter than you are.

Blame Someone Else Fibbing Friday

Pensitivity101 had some help last week (From Judy), who wanted to know what the following things might be.


1. What is Mascarpone?

It is a type of eye makeup for men, (?) first made famous by Boy George, and becoming more common by the day.

2. What is a Marsupial?
It’s that little drone that the nerds at NASA have flitting all over the surface of the Red Planet, looking for a Starbucks.

3. What is a Giblet?
It’s what Ladies in the Middle Ages –not middle-aged ladies – drank their ale and mead from, while the men swilled theirs from a goblet.

4. What is Good Husbandry?
Yes dear! No dear. You’re absolutely right dear. Whatever you say dear. SWMBO is our Goddess.

5. What is Onomatopoeia?
That’s what your excitable dog with the leaky bladder does when you return to the house from a shopping trip.

6. What is a Glaucus Atlanticus?
Gluteus Maximus is the Latin term to describe the Junk In The Trunk that most women have, and which most men appreciate to some degree. For some women, it’s as Big As All Outdoors. Glaucus Atlanticus is the term reserved for gals like Kim Kardashian, and Nicky Minaj, whose butts are As Huge As An Ocean. 🙄

7. What is a Sunda Colugo?
It is a viral, newly-popular ice-cream treat, developed in Central/South America, made with maple-walnut ice cream, banana slices, and coca leaves. You can fly all the way from Cali to London…. without a plane.

8. What is a Fossa?
It is a collective noun for all the marvelous, magnificent, prehistoric creatures whose remains – their bones – were fortuitously, amazingly, covered with muck and mud, and sand, and sometimes miles of water.
They mineralized, and petrified. Nowadays, when paleontologists dig into the earth, or chip away stone to uncover these proofs of evolution, they call them fossils.

9. What is Halitrephes Jelly?
It’s a contraception concoction for Greek men who are finally tired of sneaking in the back door, but who aren’t yet ready for children.

10. What does it mean to be Aliferous?
It is a tribulation which afflicts many students and workers, causing them to often call in – (Brits call out) sick.

Challenge: How Do You Begin The Day?

How do I begin my day?  Grumpy, groggy, giddy, bleary, resentful – and two other sleepy dwarves.  I know it beats the alternative but, as W.C. Fields so wisely put it, “All things considered, I’d rather be in Philadelphia bed.”

First of all, my morning usually starts about 1:00 P.M.  To mind the house, the wife, the pets, deliveries and phone calls, the son and I balance two odd shifts.  I stay up till 5 AM.  The son works a midnight shift, gets home at 8 AM, and, him going to bed at 1 PM usually wakes me up.

Occasionally, for things like doctors’ appointments, I might arise somewhat earlier.  One day, after making sure that both sets of plumbing still work, I came down when the son was still up.  He remarked that, for at least the first half-hour, I was like a whirling dervish, or my hero, Taz, the cartoon Tasmanian Devil, never still for a second.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but the wife is not known for finishing tasks.  Doors and drawers gape partly open, waiting to be damaged, or to smash unwary knees, elbows or heads.  Dishes that could be in the dishwasher, or soaking in the sink, sit on the cupboard.  Food scraps sit beside – or occasionally on – the compost container.

The son often empties one of the two containers of iced tea in the fridge, so there is iced tea to be made.  Dogs want out….  Dogs want in.  Their kibble bowl needs to be topped up.  Their water bowl needs to be scoured and refilled.  Cat kibble dish needs to be filled.  Soft cat food needs to be put out, and yesterday’s dried-on dish needs to be soaked and washed.  Apparently I’m the only one who knows how to do these things.  And let’s not forget the kitty-litter tray in the basement.

I try to start my informal to-do list by taking a thyroid pill.  My metabolism runs a bit slow.  It’s one reason I gain weight.  I’m supposed to take it on an empty stomach, and wait a half-hour for absorption.  Finally, I can take seven more pills, of 6 different medications/supplements – a general anti-pain pill, an antihistamine because of dogs and cats, two Vitamin D pills, because of my vampire lifestyle, one Vitamin C for general health, a pill to stop further prostate enlargement, and a maintenance dose of Cialis to improve blood flow to help it work.

I don’t think it’s fair.  Like many older males, I got an enlarged prostate, which interferes with achieving an erection or orgasm.  So the doctor put me on a medication, the side effects of which are to impede the ability to achieve an erection or orgasm!  I asked my doctor to do something to lower my sex drive.  She says that, at my age, it’s all up in my head.  I told her, “That’s why I want you to lower my sex drive.”

At last, I can begin to think of making myself some lunch, but often the wife will request that I make her something first.  She’s only been downstairs three or four hours, but she’s been far too busy checking Facebook, or playing Words With Friends, to make something herself.  She once asked me to take her somewhere she’s never been…. So I showed her the kitchen!  😛  🙄

Finally, the sprint is run.  The race is won.   At last I have time to sit and relax, and perhaps read my newspaper and solve the word jumble, and do the crossword puzzle.  Let’s see, six down….  Constantly occupied – in 4…. = BUSY.  😉  😀