Last week Pensitivity101 had her pensioner’s newsletter to thank for these questions.
What would you say these mean?
Scurryfunge – was the rush to get into these newfangled NFTs, “valuable” digital assets whose worth existed only in your imagination the electronic universe. Only the scammers who started this fad ever made any money. It’s the modern, digital equivalent of the old, Watkins Products, Fuller Brush, Mary Kay Cosmetics, and Tupperware pyramid schemes.
Dutch Feast – is an all-you-can-imbibe, promotional buffet, at any of the now-legal cannabis dispensaries.
Iktsuarpok – is a new medication that helps cure sex daily dyslexia.
Rakefire – was Mrs. Doubtfire’s cross-dressing husband.
Hufflebuffs – are nudist joggers.
Quafftide – is “Beer O’clock” on a fisherman’s boat. Just as golf is a good, healthy walk, spoiled by having to chase and find a damned little ball, so too is fishing often spoiled by having to drop a hook into the water.
Kalopsia – is an inner-ear balance problem that renders a person incapable of staying on a horse.
Cover Slut – is any promotional piece – I refuse to regard them as news – about people like any of the Kardashians, or especially the serial monogamist, Taylor Swift. 18 guys she previously had sex with, and she makes money by singing about them. We know what you are. We’re just negotiating a price. It’s a price I wouldn’t want to pay.
I wore out the last pair, shuffling back and forth to the WC at night, so the daughter hand-spun me some wool, mohair and alpaca TARDIS yarn, and the wife knitted me another pair of keep the old codger’s feet warm so that he can sleep socks, for Christmas.
Wonderclout – is what my aunt had to do to her husband when he wanted to try to graze on the greener grass on the other side of the fence. I don’t know if he was just too dumb to learn from experience, or if the first application sorta jarred him loose. His ears looked like he’d gone 12 rounds with Mohammed Ali.