If you’re having second thoughts….
….you’re already two ahead of many people.
I am not a poser….
….I just pretend to be one.
Springing forward really ticks me off….
….I’m losing sleep about it.
At Christmas, I wanted to deck the halls….
….but that wouldn’t be neighborly.
I recently saw an Arabic Elvis impersonator….
….His name was Amal Shookup.
Tried to teach my dog to fetch….
….but he just doesn’t get it.
I went to a pub quiz in a really tough neighborhood….
….The first question was, “What are you looking at?”
I just bought Clue: Swingers Edition….
….Turns out they all did it – in every room.
If there’s one place I can’t stand….
….It’s an ice rink.
I just had an MRI….
….to see if I am claustrophobic.
Me, driving at night….
….I hope this is the road.
Sometimes I talk to myself….
….and then we both laugh and laugh.
Bought a book today titled, “Overcoming Kleptomania.”….
….Well, I say ‘bought.’
My son was on eBay all day….
….If he’s still there tomorrow, I’ll lower the price.
I’ve asked a lot of people what LGBTQ stands for….
….So far no-one has given me a straight answer.
Science reveals that women have cleaner minds than men….
….because they change them every ten minutes.
I’m not going outside….
….until the temperature equals my age.
I hate being bi-polar….
….It’s awesome.
People who eat bacon are….
….less likely to blow themselves up in the name of Allah.
I doubt that vodka is the answer….
….but it’s worth a shot.
My apathy is at an all-time….
….whatever.
Archon's Den 