I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again….
I began speed reading, and last night I read “The Da Vinci Code” in 15 minutes….
….I know it’s only 4 words, but it’s a start
How do you make headlines?….
….with corduroy pillows
Police arrested two teenagers today. One was drinking battery acid. The other was eating fireworks….
….They charged one, and let the other off.
I was going to start up an Apathy Anonymous support group….
….then I thought, Why bother?
I’m trying to come up with a Theatre pun….
….but it would just be a play on words.
I’m not stubborn….
….my way is just better
What’s the most reactive fish in the ocean….
What’s brown and sticky?….
As a kid, I was made to walk the plank….
….because we couldn’t afford a dog
I have a pet tree….
….kinda like having a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.
I hate those new parents who do all that baby talk….
….Yes I do! Yes I do!
As a scarecrow, people say I’m outstanding in my field….
….but hay, it’s in my jeans
I went into a pet shop and said I’d like to buy a goldfish. The clerk said, “Do you want an aquarium?”….
….I said I didn’t care what star sign it was
My boss told me that I intimidate my co-workers….
….so I just stared at him until he apologized
I love telling Dad jokes….
….He loves them
There are so many scams on the internet these days….
….For $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them
It’s okay, Password….
….I’m insecure too
I went to a can crushing convention….
…seeing all that metal destroyed was just soda pressing
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid….
….I believed in Santa Claus, but unfortunately, so did my parents
I’ll never forget the last thing my Grandpa said to me….
….are you still holding the ladder?
I saw two blind people fighting. I said, “I’m rooting for the one with the knife.”….
….they both ran away.
I invited my math teacher to my house. I told her to get here at ten past one….
….so she turned up at eleven.
I know it’s you going around stealing enclosures….
….whether I’m right or wrong, please don’t take a fence.
I told my friend that I was selling my car….
….he didn’t buy it.
So much fun, indeed. Thanks for the early Monday morning laugh.
Take it, and welcome. I just wish it was all-jokes, all the time. I hope to see you here for more silliness in two weeks. 😆
Great list. One of them reminded me of a great bit of dialogue:
“Are you stupid, or just apathetic?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t care.”
That’s my mission statement. 😆
Oh Lawzy! Just what I needed on this grey, dreary, rainy day!
You should move into Ontario. We get much better weather, because it can read the road signs, to get here. 😉 😆
Ha ha! 🤣