Tex-Mex One-Liners

To me, essential oils are….
….what drips out of tacos.  *

You smell great!….
….What hand sanitizer are you wearing?

Walking back to your car because you forgot your mask….
….is the new kind of pissed off.

Does it bother anyone else that the guy in the Operation game….
….was clearly awake?

I never realize how much I swear….
….until I’m in a situation where I can’t.

You’re only as pretty as….
….how you treat other people.

I have feelings for you….
….I’m not telling you which ones.

The worst part of kissing a perfect 10….
….is the cold feeling your lips get from the mirror.

Drinking coffee in the morning….
….helps others live longer.

I never finish anything….
….I have a black belt in partial arts.

I ran out of coffee this morning, so I used tequila….
….eVerYbody iS so pRetty toDay.

The only thing that is ever in bed with me….
….is crumbs.

I don’t have exes….
….I have ‘whys.’

The first five days after the weekend….
….are the hardest.

I wish I had a pair of….
….skinny genes.

If you don’t remember their name….
….take them to Starbucks.

I can’t decide if I want to go off the grid….
….or off the rails.

What I if told you….
….you read the top line wrong?

Don’t give up on your dreams….
….Keep sleeping.

Adam – to God – after seeing Eve….
….I love what you do with ribs.

When I was on the computer….
….I couldn’t find ESC, and I lost CTRL.

22 thoughts on “Tex-Mex One-Liners

  1. Newbloggycat says:

    (((((Still laughing)))) ahh yes the new pissed off 😷, kissing a perfect 10 🤪, partial arts indeed, I need some tequila now 😅, exes & whys (love it 🙃), skinny genes 🧬 👍🤓🤣😂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, I did read the top line wrong. Good One!

    Like

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    It was really hard to get past the food pics. Glad I did because the post is hilarious! Another great start to the week.

    Like

  4. Rivergirl says:

    The Operation guy! Why did I never realize that?
    🤣🤣🤣

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Garfield Hug says:

    Yet another good blog post!I laughed so hard. Thanks!

    Like

  6. I laughed out loud at the “partial arts” joke.

    Liked by 1 person

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