My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.
I’m not too worried.
I think she’s jokindkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf
***
A man holds-up a bank. After he has the money, the bank robber lines up the hostages and asks the first one, “Did you see me hold up the bank?”
The man says, “Well, sure I did,” and the bank robber shoots him.”
The bank robber then asks the second man, “Did you see me hold up the bank?”
The man says, “No, no, no. I didn’t see a thing. But my wife here, she sees everything.”
***
A minister begins his sermon. “Dear Lord,” he said with arms extended and a rapturous look in his eyes, “Without you, we are but dust “
He would have continued but at that moment, one little girl who was listening carefully to the minister leaned to her mother and asked loudly, in her shrill little voice,
“Mommy, what is butt dust?”
***
I was out with my young daughter and ran into a friend I’d not seen in years.
“This is Penny.” I said, introducing my daughter.
“And what’s Penny short for?” he asked.
“Because she’s only five”
***
A teacher says to his straight-F pupil, “With grades like this you’ll never achieve anything in your life. You’ll end up a loser”
Fast forward 20 years later. Retired teacher is deadly ill, only a very risky and expensive surgery can save him.
It happens that the best surgeon in the country knows the old man and agrees to save him for free.
After surgery, when teacher wakes up, the grown-up straight-F student comes into the recovery room.
He unplugs the life support and plugs in his vacuum cleaner.
***
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does.
The next day in a written test, she included this question:
“My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?”
When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word “Mother.”