The Joke Is In The Mail

One day, a man put an ad in the classifieds –“Wife wanted”
The next day he got a hundred emails.  They all said the same thing.  “You can have mine.”

***

What did the patent office employee say about Edison’s new light bulb?
“Whose bright idea is this?”

***

Job interviewer; To start, you’ll be making $20,000.  Later, that will rise to $40,000
Me; OK, I’ll come back later then.

***

If you had to choose eating tacos every day of your life, or being skinny….
Would you pick hard or soft tacos??

***

I don’t trust journalists.  Sometimes they wear badges that say “Press”, but if you press them, they just fall over, all surprised.

***

A baby can drink a bottle and fall asleep, and people say that it’s cute.  But when I do it, I’m an alcoholic.

***

People tell me that I should stop using F-bombs.
What the Fuck is an F-bomb?

***

My daughter screeched, “Daaaddd, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?”
What a strange way to begin a conversation.

***

Joe: “My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.”
Pete: “Glad you can laugh about it.”
Joe: “But I laugh more.”

***

Joe: “When I was a kid, my parents always said, “Excuse my French” after a swear word.”

Pete: “My parents said the same thing to me.”

Joe: “I’ll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked me if I knew any French.”

***

The Grandson works as a barista at Starbucks.  The other day, he had two young females in.  Suddenly, one of them gushed, “Wouldn’t it be great to have hot, all-vegetable smoothies?”
He said, “I didn’t have the heart to tell them that soup already exists.”

***

Joe: “I asked my wife, ‘If I die, will you remarry?”
Pete: “What did she say?”
Joe: “She said she will live with her sister. Then she asked me if she died would I remarry?”
Pete: “What did you say?”
Joe: “I said, no, I will also live with your sister.”

***

15 thoughts on “The Joke Is In The Mail

  1. shimoniac says:

    As for tacos, one of each; lather, rinse, repeat. Mmm… tex-mex. 🌮 😋

    Liked by 1 person

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    Bahaha at the Excuse my French one, and now I’m craving tacos.

    Like

  3. Rivergirl says:

    Such a double standard… baby, alcoholic. It’s just not fair!

    Like

  4. Tippy Gnu says:

    Funny stuff. I think I liked the taco joke best. Maybe because I like tacos so much.

    Like

  5. Hehehe…the last one is really funny. My hubby said I should remarry if he dies. Think I will tell him I’ll live with my sister so he can rest in peace. LOL! (ノ^∇^)

    Like

  6. As a freelance writer whose articles have appeared in some local newspapers, I really enjoyed the journalist joke. Happy Yorktown Day from Yorktown, Virginia!!! However, sadly our parade is canceled this year.

    Like

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