
One day, a man put an ad in the classifieds –“Wife wanted”
The next day he got a hundred emails. They all said the same thing. “You can have mine.”
***
What did the patent office employee say about Edison’s new light bulb?
“Whose bright idea is this?”
***
Job interviewer; To start, you’ll be making $20,000. Later, that will rise to $40,000
Me; OK, I’ll come back later then.
***
If you had to choose eating tacos every day of your life, or being skinny….
Would you pick hard or soft tacos??
***
I don’t trust journalists. Sometimes they wear badges that say “Press”, but if you press them, they just fall over, all surprised.
***
A baby can drink a bottle and fall asleep, and people say that it’s cute. But when I do it, I’m an alcoholic.
***
People tell me that I should stop using F-bombs.
What the Fuck is an F-bomb?
***
My daughter screeched, “Daaaddd, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?”
What a strange way to begin a conversation.
***
Joe: “My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are.”
Pete: “Glad you can laugh about it.”
Joe: “But I laugh more.”
***
Joe: “When I was a kid, my parents always said, “Excuse my French” after a swear word.”
Pete: “My parents said the same thing to me.”
Joe: “I’ll never forget that day at school when the teacher asked me if I knew any French.”
***
The Grandson works as a barista at Starbucks. The other day, he had two young females in. Suddenly, one of them gushed, “Wouldn’t it be great to have hot, all-vegetable smoothies?”
He said, “I didn’t have the heart to tell them that soup already exists.”
***
Joe: “I asked my wife, ‘If I die, will you remarry?”
Pete: “What did she say?”
Joe: “She said she will live with her sister. Then she asked me if she died would I remarry?”
Pete: “What did you say?”
Joe: “I said, no, I will also live with your sister.”
***
As for tacos, one of each; lather, rinse, repeat. Mmm… tex-mex. 🌮 😋
LikeLiked by 2 people
With lots of guac. and sour cream. I’m going to play Round John Virgin in the Christmas Pageant. 😉 😳
LikeLiked by 2 people
😂😂😂😂
LikeLike
😎 🌯
LikeLike
Bahaha at the Excuse my French one, and now I’m craving tacos.
LikeLike
Do they make double-decker, Chicago tacos? 😀 🌯
LikeLiked by 1 person
Such a double standard… baby, alcoholic. It’s just not fair!
LikeLike
I know! Everybody is so judgmental – even that asshole tRump. 😉 😳
LikeLiked by 1 person
Funny stuff. I think I liked the taco joke best. Maybe because I like tacos so much.
LikeLike
Ah, A woman after my own heart – as long as you’re not after MY tacos. 😉 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehehe…the last one is really funny. My hubby said I should remarry if he dies. Think I will tell him I’ll live with my sister so he can rest in peace. LOL! (ノ^∇^)
LikeLike
So nice. So kind. My wife would ask him if he were planning on dying soon, just to get his blood flowing faster. 😯 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
(´∇ノ`*)ノ
LikeLike
As a freelance writer whose articles have appeared in some local newspapers, I really enjoyed the journalist joke. Happy Yorktown Day from Yorktown, Virginia!!! However, sadly our parade is canceled this year.
LikeLike
You’ll just have to march out to the kitchen and make your own tacos. 😉 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person