Occupied On Fibbing Friday

Christine, of Stine Writing, threw Pensitivity101 a curve ball in the comments on this post about occupations, so she decided to go with that for the final FF of 2022.

My alternatives on these are!

1. What is a dentist?

He’s a husband/boyfriend who’s been exiled to sleep on the couch in the rec-room/family room, and usually has no idea what he said or did to rate the sentence – but is happy to enjoy a day or two of delicious silence.

2. What is a paralegal?

It’s a husband and wife law firm, where they argue about how to best split the fees, not only for bragging rights, but for maximum tax avoidance.

3. What is a Nanny?

That’s my Grandma – and she’ll have no nonsense from you.  Sit down quiet and eat your oatmeal porridge.  There’s sheep to shear, and tartans to be wove.

4. What is an auditor?

Male or female, they are the long-suffering clerks who, in short shifts, man the Returns Counter at Marks and Sparks, the week after Christmas.  They’ve heard it all before, and believe none of it.  “No ma’am, you may not return that (horrid) jumper without a sales receipt.  Even if we allowed it, you may only get an exchange, not a cash refund.  And besides, you cow, your generous gift-giver got it at Value Village.

5. What is a programmer?

He’s any normal male with a TV remote control.  Women use a remote to find out what’s on television.  Guys use it to find out what else is on.  512 channels – Click, Click, Click, Click….

6. What is a cartographer?

She’s the Natalie nattily-dressed (or He is the spiffy-dressed, don’t ask – don’t tell) airline flight attendant who seems to have been sampling the bar, before she/he wields that drink trolley like a weapon down the aisle, ramming unsuspecting knees and crushing toes.

7. What is a musician?

A Music Ian is the unofficial titled bestowed on a poor (or so we claim) Scotsman – too often a Stewart – who is dragooned into establishing the order that pipe bands will perform at Military Tattoos.   He’s LIKE a Geordie, only with administrative OCD.  Some bands want to be first, to make that all-important first impression.  Others demand to be the closing act, to be best remembered.  At least it’s all done with tablets or lap-tops these days, and disputes are no longer settled with claymores.

8. What is a cordwainer?

He is a misguided Eco-Warrior who eschews heating his home with fuel oil or natural gas.  Instead, he spews his CO2 into the air by burning pieces of trees.  Near the end of a particularly long and cold winter, his pile of dried firewood is dwindling quickly, and he’s trying to figure out how he might surreptitiously add his neighbour’s garden shed.

9. What is a taxidermist?

It is any London cab-driver, what with the pea-soup fog, interspersed with blinding rain.  They had to invent Satnav for the immigrant drivers.  Star Wars came as no surprise to the old guard.  Use the force, Luke!  Use the force – to figure out where the bloody Hell we are in this garden-maze of streets.  I think they drive by sense of smell.  Charred steak-and-kidney pie??  Must be the Drunken Crow pub.  Turn right here.

10. What is a penciller?

The last of a dying breed, soon to be extinct – the actual, live editor.  He is found now only at the most upscale of publishing firms, having been replaced elsewhere by SpellCheck, GrammarCheck and Grammarly.  But Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

He scans manuscripts with an eagle eye, and a handful of coloured pencils, speaking/writing a strange, arcane language – lede, stet, dele.  Our hoped-for perfect submission is returned, looking like a kindergartner’s art project – black, green, red – add this, take out that, spell this.

Beware if it is adorned with blue pencil.  That means you’ve used salacious language which is not allowed, unless you’re writing a sequel to 50 Shades of Grey, or a porno movie plot.  The doorbell rang.  Clad only in a shorty robe, the voluptuous young housewife answered the door.  It was the handsome young pool-cleaner.  🙂

ROM

A blog-friend has asked me to read a book.
Okay.  I’ve got lots of experience; in fact, I’m reading three of them, right now.

Read Our Manuscript

She wants me to read Her book, Kevin: Murder Beneath The Pines.  Our fellow-blogger, the lovely KayJai, has published her third book, and wants me to read and review it.  I am honored and willing, if somewhat under-qualified.

This will be the sixth such book that I have read.  The first was for an author in Washington.  I did a terrible job, because I thought I knew what I was doing – but didn’t.  I have read four for BrainRants, who made it a lot easier, and more logical.  You can’t put colored pencil marks on a digital copy, so he sent all of his in a Word file with numbered lines.

Don’t ever attempt to do your own proof-reading.  Get someone else – preferably three other people.  When you read your own work, you will see what your mind expects to see, and errors that might irk readers can sneak through.

This book is not yet Great Literature.  She is still on a learning curve.  For what it is, the third attempt by a busy lady, it is a delightful little murder mystery, suitable to be discussed at a book club meeting, or a knitting circle.  It begins with a Dilbert-like glimpse at office politics, but soon devolves into a look at darkness, not only in the deep, piney woods, but in the hearts and souls of men.  Small-town characters have to learn to deal with big-city-type crime, and its after-effects on the survivors.

If you are writing, or thinking of writing a book, and need/want a Beta-reader, I am usually available.  My forte is the words, and usage, and construction, and punctuation.  I am not so insightful or helpful with plot, story arc or character development, although I often have some opinions.

Well, enough about me.  Now it’s your turn – to provide emotional support by returning soon to read my next post.

2019 List Of Books Read

Take Eye of newt, and toe of frog, Wool of bat, and tongue of dog, Adder’s fork, and blind-worm’s sting, Lizard’s leg, and owlet’s wing,, stir well, blame it on Shakespeare, and claim you read it all, last year.

In no particular order:

One of the big books that ‘The Expanse’ TV series is based on. They broadcast one book per year, so I have to read two, to get ahead of the story arc, and stay ahead.

 

It’s been available for several years, so I thought that I would educate myself. It’s not Dr. Seuss level, but Hawking does a good job of making a complex theory comprehensible to non-mathematicians.

 

Possibly only ever published as a pulp fiction, not paperback, I didn’t have a copy of this, along with my other Hamilton books. I found this, perhaps inadvertently attached to another article that I was researching..

 

A men’s’ action/adventure book, good for passing time in retirement. This is the third in a series. The first was terrible. The second was so-so. The story arc is improving. If I hadn’t already bought this one, I might never have.

Mark Twain, making fun of Christians’ beliefs about heaven. I’ll post a book-review later.

 

Like John Grisham’s work, Robin Cook’s is also dense. I read Coma, and liked it, but this one took me a while to struggle through.

 

This is the second of the Expanse books that I read last year. The next TV series became available on December 18/19, but I’m saving it till summer.

 

Tom Clancy’s ghost keeps pumping these out, and I keep reading them.

Extraordinary Popular Delusions And The Madness of Crowds

I’ve already done a book-review on this one. Interesting enough, but too old to be relevant.

 

Fun but formulaic Science Fiction. The daughter of a University professor grows up with enhanced cognitive powers.

Galileo Goes to Jail, And Other Myths

Research into Christianity vs. Secularism.

 

more research into Christianity vs. Secularism. The author has more than 20 books about the New Testament. I just can’t believe that he points out all the mistakes and contradictions…. yet says that he still believes.

 

One of two I that I read, that are the last in this series. Magic in Atlanta. I’ve already started on another series by the same authors, Magic in Red Deer, Texas.

 

One well-known author butted into another’s series, and wrote two books. It took the first as much time and effort to edit them, and assure that they fit in the canon, as if he’d written them himself. The other title is Sinners, which I’ll read this year.

A collection of Jack Reacher short stories.

 

Dan Brown’s latest – unless he’s released another one while I was publishing this list.

 

This author likes to play with alternate timelines & realities.

 

It wasn’t as interesting as I’d hoped – but then, perhaps people named Smith just aren’t interesting.

 

A story about space marines. The blurb sounded good, but the book was Young Adult – nothing wrong, just nothing right.

A book about how the original Star Trek was real…. or was it??!

 

The last in this sword and werewolves series – unless the rabid fans convince the author couple to write another. They are quite prolific, with four concurrent series, and a couple of stand-alones.

 

Not “Great Literature,” but a great time passer.

I’m reading these faster than Lee Child can write them. I will regret when the series ends. There are still two more ahead of me.

 

Science Fiction and time travel from a woman’s point of view. More suspense than action, but interesting.

 

I started this in Dec. but the need to read and return that next big Expanse book to the library in Jan. means that I’m just finishing it now.

Yet more Christians vs. Atheists research. Christian Apologists can be so irritating – unintentionally amusing and interesting – but irritating.

Even if you don’t have the time/energy to list all the books you read last year, do you have any specials that you’d like to mention?

’18 A To Z Challenge – Y

I was desperately pondering what word, beginning with the letter Y, to write about. I had yesteryear, yonder, yardstick, and yield, any one of which may still show up this time next year. I thought about Yule, but it’s long past. The Easter Bunny is already hopping over Santa’s sleigh tracks. I told all my yolks, when I published my E For Eggs post, a couple of years ago.

Suddenly it came to me! I should write a post about

You

A few of my fans, awed by the magnificence of my prose.

Yes, you, my regular readers, and faithful fans – who have been with me and my blogging, through thick and thin…. Who am I kidding??! When, during the time that I have been blogging, have I ever been thin? It’s been more like thick, and thicker. I’m a little like comedian Gabriel Iglesias – so well-fed that I’m somewhere between FLUFFY and DAMN!

Fortunately for you (and me), my writings benefit greatly from considerable editing. If it were not for the miracles of the word-processing program, the prose that my over-fed, sausage-like fingers (Mmmm – sausages!) typo out, would look like my Back Up A Sec post.

My readers and online guests are important to me all the time after a meal that would have Santa Claus leading a Weight-Watchers intervention raid, but you’re here now, reading my output, and giving me a warm happy feeling – just like a large serving of French fries and gravy.

Since it’s Lent – even though I’m not a Catholic – I hereby vow to give up excessive calorie intake for 40…. minutes. I promise to be back in a couple of days, with a post that’s sleek and svelte, even if I’m not. Thank you, to the visitors who have come here before, and thank you to the ones who will gratify me by continuing to show up later. 😀