A funny thing happened on my way to the Post Office. It wasn’t there. 😳
I sent John Erickson, who litters decorates my blogposts with witty comments, a birthday present. His actual birthday is still over four months away, but I was using the Canadian, metric calendar, and got my conversions mixed up. I sent BrainRants a birthday present some years ago, and there were very few repercussions, so I thought I’d risk it again. Since it was by surface mail, TSA didn’t get involved.
The daughter’s bestie likes to buy the occasional commemorative coin from the Canadian Mint. She claims that she only intended to buy one, but wound up with two coins medallions, celebrating the life of Queen Elizabeth II. Since she knew that I was interested in coins, she gave one to the daughter to pass on to me.
While I am ‘interested in coins,’ I am interested in mostly foreign coins. Even though this is a magnificent artifact, it is neither foreign, nor a coin. It has no face value. It is a medallion. If I kept it, it would only languish in a box. I thought of John E. Despite being an American, marooned in the wilds of Ohio, he is a greater – finer, Anglophile, Royalist, and Elizabethan than I ever could be. When Elizabeth died, he wailed so loudly that, “My Queen has died!!” that I thought he was talking about his wife. I decided to send it to him as a surprise present. I put it in a bubble-pack mailer, added a cover letter, and headed for the post office.
In Southern Ontario, Canada Post has a sorting and shipping depot in every large urban area. All of the other Postal Services, they have abdicated to branches of the most populous pharmacy chain, as well as some selected convenience stores. Certain clerks are supposed to be trained to Canada Post levels, on Canada Post protocols and procedures. I have a pharmacy nearby, but I was headed for the Wal-Mart out on the Golden Mile, so I went to the drug-store next to it.
Some of the stores are mirror images of each other. I marched in to the left-rear corner. Hmmm, cosmetics. I grumpily stomped over to the right-rear corner. Grrr!!, vitamins. Where in Hell is the postal outlet??? A clerk told me that they are the only branch which does not host one, and she had no idea why not. The one by my house is nearer but, “If you’re going to the XXX Plaza, on the other side of town, there’s a store over there with a postal outlet.”
By coincidence, we were headed for that plaza, to reap savings on grocery sale prices. This damned inflation is eating better than I am. While the wife grocery-shopped, I walked over to the pharmacy and stood in line – and stood in line – AND STOOD IN LINE!! That part of Postal Service, they have mastered. The woman in front of me had a mailer identical to mine. She finally stepped forward, handed it to the ‘Postal’ clerk, asked that he check that it was ready to go, and to please apply sufficient postage. It was judged okay. $2.08 later, she was on her way. I stepped up, handed the same clerk the same mailer, and asked for the same thing – check that it was ready to ship and apply postage. $2.08 later my little package was on its way.
I excitedly waited for an email from John, that the parcel had arrived…. Two weeks later, I went to the community mailbox to pick up my own mail, and there was my mailer back again. It had a Canada Post sticker over my address label, with three little boxes – all checked. Insufficient postage – Incorrect label – This service not available in this country W.T.F!!?
The next day, I went to a convenience store. It’s a bit farther than the pharmacy. The people who run the store, and the Postal Outlet, are recent immigrants, but I’ve used them before, and feel confident. I handed the clerk the package and asked what was wrong with it, and how could I correct any problems.
Three check marks – three lies!! I had sufficient postage, but I was also expected to pay for a Customs Declaration of value. My address label was correct, but I was expected to add the Customs label, because…. The country that didn’t provide the service was the USA. “You’ll have to send this as a small parcel.” “What the Hell is in your hand, if it’s not a small parcel??” “Well, it needs the Customs sticker added to it. How much is it worth??” I received it as a present. I don’t know!?
I guessed at $29.95 Cdn, hoping that John would not have to pay duty on it when he received it. If he did, I should have guessed $9.95. How much for the Customs sticker? $10.00, do you want it traced?? I didn’t trace it the first time. How much to trace? “Only another $5.00.” Screw that! If it don’t arrive, I just won’t tell John I tried.
When I got home, and told the wife what had happened, she innocently said, “Well, we could have driven it down.” Are you saying that we might go on a trip? Further adventures may ensue. 😀
Four days later, I got an excited, grateful email from John. Apparently, I done so good that he and his wife were willing to consider another short visit. 😎