My tablet chimed with a picture of a courier package delivered to my porch. At first, I thought it might be the badger taxidermy kit I’d ordered.
Local council has told Pensitivity101 that I can’t be lurking around her little cottage. I’ve been caught lying so often, that she shipped me another list of questions to be truthfully creative with.
- What did the couch say to the toilet?
What do you think of the rectum, as a hole?? I feel it is a source of shit, and should be wiped out.
- What caused the last traffic jam in town?
It was that girl, who moved here from the big city. The friendly one, with the deep V-neck sweater that don’t stand for virgin any more. The one with the short-short-shorts that barely cover her assets. The town’s only got one pay-for-time parking meter – the one she always leans against.
- What really powers the Internet?
It’s the download of the energy potential between the two poles of cognitive dissonance – Religion vs. Atheism, Flat Earth vs. Globetards, Faith vs. Scientism and Darwinism. It’s like using geothermal to heat your home. If you dig down far enough, someone’s always spewing some heat about it.
- What is really between Trump’s ears?
MSN just published an image of a super-gigantic black hole. They claimed that it was at the center of the Greater Magellanic Cloud. The image was a little blurry, but I’m pretty sure I saw that Mac-and-Cheese orange hair above it.
- What is in the heart of Africa?
African trypanosomiasis may also cause a myocarditis. The protozoan parasite, Entamoeba histolytica rarely causes a pericarditis while Toxoplasma gondii may cause myocarditis, usually in immunocompromised hosts. The larval forms of the tapeworms Echinococcus and Taenia solium may cause space-occupying lesions of the heart.
All in all, not a very nice place to be. Like Blackpool on a Saturday night. It’s small wonder that British colonialists were glad to finally give it back to the natives.
- What was the last meal eaten in the Garden of Eden?
- Who built the pyramids in the Yucatan?
One of Donald Trump’s earliest real estate development corporations. They led directly to the first time he went bankrupt.
- What is the highest form of flattery?
It’s my (possibly soon-to-be-ex) buddy, Bob, when he gets all smoked up, and full of booze, and calls me to come get him at 3 AM, and be the designated driver. I love you, man! You are beautiful, did you know that?
- Speakeasies were not secret bars, what were they?
Open-mic nights at the local Comedy Club.
- Alcatraz isn’t a prison, what is it really?
It’s the new home of Archon LLC, Sociopath, and Procrastinator clubs. We held a Sociopath meeting, but nobody showed up. We haven’t got around to scheduling a Procrastinator Club meeting yet. We have leased a small wing to the Kardashian Petty Cash and Bling Repository Department.
- What is in Hamburger?
Wiener schnitzel, sauerkraut, St. Pauli Girl lager, and Linzertorte.
- What is the real question and answer to number #12?
Why is a mouse, when it spins?? The higher, the fewer!!
A brothel?? If we can’t get ‘em to drink beer, how are we gonna get ‘em to drink broth?
What??! No applause?? No fan mail?? Well, you asked for it! There’ll be another post on Monday. 😀