Last week, Pensitivity101 wanted to know what our suggestions were for this list of ‘ists,’ please.
These are OCD people like my loony-bin neighbour, who will only associate with men named Phil – like Phil Collins, Phil Silvers, “Dr.” Phil McGraw, golfer Phil Mickelson, and his dentist, Phil McCavity
A botanist is any one of a gaggle of teenage girls, set loose with daddy’s credit card, in a retail mall. A negativist is a person who warns that bricks-and-mortar stores will soon be extinct, and we’ll buy everything online and have it delivered. Not while these frenetic females exist, and they want to try on every top, in every store, and test every shade of lipstick, before bragging, “See what I bot.”
A naturalist is a person who frequents a clothing-optional beach, or nudist colony, to acquire a tan without tan lines. Many of them are strippers exotic dancers, but you’ve already met Dick Brown. Just wait until he gets skin cancer, then he’ll be Spotted Dick.
He’s one of the new urbanites, who works from home in one of those giant housing densification buildings, complete with its own retail/service area. He doesn’t own a car because there’s only 100 parking spaces for 12,000 residents. He very seldom physically leaves the building. Most of his ‘trips’ are digital and electronic. When he does go out, he relies on Uber, Lyft, buses, and cabs.
‘Anthropo’ – a prefix indicating “manlike” An anthropologist is someone who expends time and energy, trying to prove or disprove the likes of Sasquatch, or the Yeti. If they’re searching for hairy, ill-mannered, sub-humans who utter incomprehensible noises, they’d be better advised to frequent any Glasgow pub on Saturday night.
“Science” means knowledge. A scientist is a person who asks questions of the Universe, to know how it works. I tried doing that, but the Universe said, “Hold on! I’ve got a question for you. After tilting against the windmills of Disney and the Florida teachers, how the Hell does Ron DeSantis think he has a ghost of a chance to be president?
A strategist is a person like Phil Harding, of the Time Team, who digs through the layers and tiers of rock and dirt, to find historical relics and ancient fossils.
A protagonist is an adult who wishes to get some exercise and fresh air, and shed some of the stresses and strains of modern busy and complex society by once again embracing the childhood games of yesteryear. There are also promarblists, and prohopscotchists.
Use your imagination! I’d use mine, but it’s still stunned by that Ron DeSantis story. I told you that I would someday post a three-legged dog – (or a nine-armed squid) – of an FF list.
A biologist is someone whose job it is to prove that you’re a hell of a nice person – as long as you’re dead. It’s up to them to sift through your life, and assemble a quarter-page newspaper blurb about your achievements and successes. Very seldom does it mention that the featured fictional character lived in a multi-million dollar mansion because they were a shark of a lawyer who created six acrimonious divorces, and four bankruptcies. 😦